When I'm battlign depression

As I stared into the jar, sadly gazing on the fossilized chunk of former iced tea, I thought, today has been hard. 

From an outward standpoint, it was a fine day.  We got up, went to the warehouse, got our supplies.  We run a "just in time" inventory.  I brought it in and stocked it.  Business was a little better, but nowhere near our past holiday sales. 

Unfortunate, especially with the property tax due.  This year, I intend to put aside some money every month, even though Ron always tolds me no.  We have about $3K in insurance and taxes every year - peanuts compared to many, I'm sure. 

When you make what we do, it's a bit more formidable! 

I have some regrets, mostly wishing I had been medicated earlier so I could have been a better employee, helped Ron make more money, and saved more money for hard times like now.  Sigh.  But I can't look in the rearview mirror.  Not for long.   I can't say "I wish I had saved $200 a month back when I made more money".    I can say "I can save $100 a month for taxes and insurance, from now on." 

I hope that makes sense.  I always find it hard to think when I'm battling depression. 

It's wierd, though.  In the morning I tend to have a hard time getting up, but when I do, I get a little manic.  If you look at the time on some of my recent posts they are morning.  I do my God Time, play with the cat, talk to Ron, etc. 

So, after work we came home.  I wanted something to eat, something easy.  I didn't have any "quick foods" and had no energy or motivation.  So, I cooked up some pasta, drizzled olive oil, and sprinkled a handful of sesame seeds on top.  It was a lot better than I expected.  I drank some whey protien (I get the powder from Walmart) and took my pills.  

Then I took a nap.  I slept pretty well considering the depression but I had nightmares.  Ron was yelling at the TV and woke me up.  I was relieved, actually. 

So, I'm sitting here in my oversized t-shirt and shorts (it's warm today), thinking about some more whey and a little snack before I go to bed. 

I figure I can go about 36 hours in the winter between showers and still have presentable hair.  I skipped my morning shower but I need to take one tonight, which means I need to get up the motivation to take a shower. 

I love my shower, I love my hot water.  I'm just not "feeling" it.   The shower seems like a huge, difficult, task. 

Happily, I did get rid of two huge boxes of stuff for the Salvation Army.  If I ever win the lotto, though, I will hire a professional organizer to help me organize the Bibles and evangelism stuff.  I'm OK with cases of Bibles, etc. in the front room. 

I took out the trash, all of it.  Ron will clean the litter boxes later.  He's very good that way. 

I just need to move the laundry along, hang it up, and get Ron's load going.