Well I am done with Always Flex-foam

 I like to wear a thin pad to work the week before my period because I can't always run off to the bathroom.  So yesterday I put in one of my "flex foam"Always pads I have had in the bathroom for a few years.  For whatever reason I tend to prefer the generic thin pads which I have never had an issue, but decided I would "treat" myself to the nicer pad. 

I got to the bathroom about halfway through my shift and the damned thing had CRUMBLED. It was still in the cover but pieces of it were shifted around and there were large gaps in coverage. I was furious. Happily I did NOT need it yesterday but that is just awful. 

So when I got home I threw the rest out and I am glad I stashed the generic thin pads that work so well for me every day.  And I have used some OLD versions of that with no trouble. 

I guess it is the foam. But what a waste of money.  

I am getting some reusable cloth pad "liner" types today while I'm at work. I like those a lot, too. 

Work was pretty intense but I did it. NOT happy the boss did not let me get one of my breaks. She told me to "Wait an hour, and take a lunch instead" so I got a break and a lunch for 9 hours. I reminded myself how desperate I had been (for work) a few years ago and how I would have done anything just to be able to support myself.  But I am going to watch this. 

Shower time. 

Oh I also had horrible gas at work not sure what that was about. Was it the cucumber I had Sunday?  The new Keto bread?   I had my normal routine this morning so I don't think it was any kind of food poisoning.  

Here are the photos for today.  A bolder fashion choice with the jean but I have been eyeing them at work for a long time, when they hit the clearance rack and got down to $9 I decided to bite. They fit very well. 

Oh and the pad I like is the Equate Ultra Thin.  They are very reasonably priced as well. I just wear them as backup for the tampon or on a day I "might" get my cycle but not sure.  

I did not have some symptoms I normally do this month so I am about 50/50 on if I will have an actual cycle, if I do it should be in the next week. 

I made up my lunch and some snacks.  For the snacks I have them in baggies I can grab out of my lunch bag and stick in my pocket if I get screwed out of a break again. Overall I like working for Walmart but my boss is not well liked by any employee. So I don't feel she is singling me out.  

That's it for now. 

Monday

 I slept OK last night.   Going to take my shower, do God Time, and then meal prep.  I already have cut up veggies for snack, need to do cheese for that as well.  Also need to do cheese for breakfast. I need to make my sandwich as well. I already did my sweet potato.   Oh and I need to do the milk. 

Today is a long day so I want to make sure I have enough food. 

Cats are good.  I was looking in the garage last night and Biscuit got out and hid, I couldn't get him, so I had to leave the door cracked to the garage all night. He did come out for breakfast.  Cleo is being a little loaf in my chair, so cute, and Spotty is eating. He came home meowing like a crazy animal and ran around the house a few times. 

Rain today and cold so probably not as busy at the store today. Also no one has any money I'd venture. Not sure what I'll wear yet still thinking about that.  

Off to shower.  The good news today only 3 days work after today and I get paid on Wednesday. I am working out my budget for that as well. 

 Depressed today, the fact I have to work 9 hours is not helping and boss has been difficult about 'letting" me have breaks and forcing me to take an early lunch. Other things could be an issue as well but trying not to borrow trouble.  

One thing I did decide I got some baking soda. I get ravenous every time I brush my teeth the sweetener they use sets off alarm bells in my brain.  So I got a plain old box of baking soda I will use that. 

I will take a photo today but nothing special, purple t shirt, purple sweatshirt (do they still call it that?), mom jeans. 

OK photo time

That's it for now. 

Sunday

 So, I got home from work last night with some purchases including some really nice sweet potatoes I will likely buy again. 

I also found some reasonably priced tampons but did not find the Dove Sensitive (unscented) soap I was seeking. I mailed the property tax ($$$!). 

When I got home I put everything away and then ran a load of clothes after I tried on my new purchases. The 19's fit perfectly.  I might stay a 19 when I'm at goal, maybe a 17 but definitely do not expect anything below that. It will be interesting to see where I do end up.  But I got it washed. 

I went to bed, woke up about 7:30, out of the house around 8:30.  It was raining.  I called a Uber, first one in a couple of years.  I did not want someone waiting for me while I shopped and I did not want to pay for a one way ride with my friends as it was such a short trip. 

So I called a Uber. Nice man showed up in 10 minutes. The store was packed. Produce section packed. Short dates on the salad mix so I got spinach, also got some fruit, celery, cream cheese,block cheese. No organic whole milk at all so I got conventional (it was a very good price).  Got candy to hand out. Paid. Called another Uber.  Another nice man (this one not very chatty) came and was very helpful with the groceries. I gave him a nice tip in the app for that. 

I can't believe people who call a ride and do not tip.  

Got home, put it all away.  Finally faced the pork roast. It was 4 pounds but I only got 5 nice portions out of it so I will not be getting the "picnic" pork roast again.  I got that frozen. Ran the dryer and put away my clothes.  Ate a sandwich with the new Keto bread which did not have any ill effects.  Took a nap with the cats. 

Plumber texted me and asked if I could give him a Yelp review  I did that.  I made a point of mentioning my husband had brain damage with bad behavior and how professional (name) had been. He loved the review.  Maybe I will get a new garbage disposal out of it.  😂

Then I did the dishes.  I had piles of dirty (working 6 days in a row) AND clean dishes all over now I still have piles but they are all clean. I did up walnuts in little baggies so I have an easy breakfast. I decided I will do sandwiches again next week.   So I need to cut up cheese, celery, and fruit (not to eat at the same time!).  I work longer days this week but only 4 days thank God.  So I will take a salad, sandwich, milk, sweet potato for lunch.  Fruit and cheese for one break. Cream cheese and celery for the other break.  My goal is to get 6 servings of veggies a day I still have a ways to go on that. 

I will also be brewing tea and bringing that to drink instead of soda. Then I can work my way to decaf tea eventually.  Diet soda hampers weight loss for me as well.  

That's it for now. 

I am definitely not telling my Dad but debating telling my aunt

There is a homeless man at my home base bus stop; the one I take when I go to work and the one when I get home. I saw him yesterday,  he was sitting on the bench in the shelter.  Today, coming and going from the grocery store, he was lying down on the bench. 

He seems quiet, did not bother me, is not generating a lot of trash.  Smells OK considering. Some of my customers at work smell a lot worse. 

But I am not happy about it.  We had a vacant lot on either side of the street for many years and I know for a fact there was a homeless man living in one of them. I would see him entering and exiting the lot at random times, he would ride the bus up to a major intersection, beg, buy alcohol and food, come back "home".When they cleared the lot he had left quite the mess. 

As a woman I am not happy.  As a bus rider I am not happy.   As someone who just paid thousands in property tax I am not happy. 

Someone once told me they would never live on a bus line.   I know Metro has tried to expand bus service into some affluent areas and the residents shut it down. Because trouble rides the bus. 

I am glad I am getting a ride each way tomorrow.  

$5 Jeans!

 I fell in love with work's "No Boundaries Mom Jean" and bought a couple pairs in a 19. which is my No Boundaries pant size (I am a No boundaries size 21 top but interestingly enough a size 16/18 or XL (top or bottom) in other brands). 

Today I found them on CLEARANCE. Bummer.  I really liked them.  They were only $5 though so I got one in a 19 (a color I did not own), and two in a 17 (I do plan to lose more weight).   I had also been eyeing another No Boundaries jean on the clearance rack.  It is hard to describe but I will put up a photo.  I will call it the patterned flare jean. It had started at $17 and tonight had worked it's way down to $9 so I got that. When I got home they all fit great (I didn't try the 17 but put that straight into my smaller sized box).  So they are in the wash. 

Work was busy but I feel good about it.  That was day 6 in a row.  I had a 2 hour bus ride to work. The second driver was very late so I was glad I leave the house early.  I ate my lunch and then worked 5 hours. Clocked out and did some shopping (exciting things like more cat food), then Jack picked me up.  We ran by the Post Office and I mailed my property tax. Then came home, put it all away, and called Mom and Dad. 

Oh and work is no longer selling the turkey shreds cat food so I don't know what I will do for Biscuit.  I only give him a can every month or so. 

That's it for now. 

I am glad I left the house early

 I take 3 buses to work.  Second bus was an hour late.  Just hatched driver didn't know the route.  Got to transfer point OK.  

House was closing in on me so I was actually glad to leave.  That's it for now.

Saturday morning (day 6 of working in a row)

 I slept OK last night. First thing when I got up I wrote out the checks for my property tax. $2300 not counting the HOA fee. I had forgotten the vile taste of the glue they use on the return envelopes. Sales tax also had that vile tasting glue on their envelopes. I will run by the Post Office tonight on my way home and get those mailed. 

I will be taking the bus to work today and then working a 5 hour shift, do some shopping and come home. I have tomorrow off and very high chances of rain so I will likely take a Uber to my local grocery store.  I am pretty much caught up on laundry so that's a good thing. I need to bag up my pork roast,though. 

I only need to do 4 meals for work next week but they will be very long days so I need to make sure they are hearty.  Which probably means another block of cheese in my shopping cart. Cheese and fruit is a good snack on a break. 

I checked my schedule and they gave me 2 days off before I go see Doc so that is 3 days in a row off. 

The cats are good. I am going to take my shower now. 

One last thought.  You may wonder sometimes at my relationship with food.  It is complicated.  The following story was confirmed by my Dad who has told me this several times.  It matches with early memories as well. 

My mother I believe had a bad bout of post partum depression after birthing me and just lay in bed, drinking, for months.   Which meant I did not get fed when my Dad was at work and my sister at school.  So for long stretches of time every day I went unchanged and unfed.  I used to listen, I remember this, for the sound of the door opening and I would start crying whenever someone came home. So I could have my needs met. 

I have a lot of issues/fear about being hungry. So I always pack lavish lunches so I won't be, bring abundant snacks, etc.   I don't think I will ever shake that fear but I am working on it. One reason grocery shopping is a big deal to me and meal planning and execution is so important. 

Just a thought.  

Weight is steady at about 181 but I am not gaining from the sweet potatoes, milk, and keto bread I added to my diet this week so that's good. I already ate my vegetables for the day so I don't have to worry about that.  I made a sandwich to eat before work with some milk and then I have some blackberries and cheese for my break.  

I also have some cheese and nuts for my going to work snack. Average calories if I am not mistaken are about 1,800 a day which is OK with my activity level.  It is raining but not hard more of a moderate drizzle, definitely OK to ride the bus. 

Picture.  Not the most flattering look but it is cold rain today.  Jack calls this the "lumberjack"shirt.  

Bonus Cleo shot 

That's it for now. 

A good bus tale.

 Our store is doing a massive clearance sale; you may want to run by your local Walmart and see if your store is as well. Can't hurt.  

I can't buy anything for 24 hours after it gets marked down and to be honest I bought so many of those $2.50 clearance t shirts. But I hear there are some good deals out there.  

For instance, I saw a can of cat food for 14 cents.  I hear there are blankets for $1.50.  

Work was fine.  Long though. My buddy came in and that is always fun to work with her. I will see her tomorrow, too. 

Buses were great. For a change, I caught the early bus. Then I saw my second bus pull in front of the bus I was riding and just KNEW I was going to miss it, let out an AWWW.  But she stopped and WAITED for me to board. 

Side note I had asked my driver to please toot the horn so the next bus would know I was coming and she did not. Shame on her. It was a very small request which could have made the difference between me waiting half an hour and walking home in the dark.  

I told second bus how much I appreciated her waiting but told her I would not be on that bus for almost a week (don't bother waiting most of next week). She said OK.  So that was great. 

Heavy rain forecast next week so I need to decide if I am going to Uber to the grocery store on Sunday.  I am leaning that way. That way I don't have someone waiting while I shop. 

That's it for now.  

Friday morning

 Work was fine yesterday but my buddy could not come in and "finish it" for me so they drafted a very unwilling associate to cover when I left. I had to leave her with things I need to do the job and I have my doubts about whether they will be there when I clock in today.  Nothing I can do about it I did exactly what I was told. 

It is funny I do not see my job as the detestable thing but other associates kept saying they didn't want to do it. 😂  As far as I know there is only one person after my job and she was not there yesterday. 

It is frustrating I start at 9 and they want me to take my lunch at 11. Then give me grief about taking my break around 2 (I am entitled to one lunch and a break for the shift I work).   I hope I don't have to deal with that nonsense today. 

But we will see. I am working on not anticipating trouble in my life.  

Oh speaking of trouble some nut case got off the bus when I did so I stopped walking away from him, turned around and stared at him until he headed off in the opposite direction. I also called my aunt as I figured a nice speakerphone conversation would also deter him but she didn't pick up.Once I started walking I checked behind me several times to make sure he was not following.  And I had my stun gun.  It was late and it was dark so I wanted to be careful.  If he had been walking my way I would have "let" him go first so I would be following him and not vice versa. 

They are supposed to build a gas station at the entrance of our subdivision which would be great as every gas station always has fantastic lighting.   The bus would see me at the stop in the dark, would see the stop in the dark to let me off, it would run off bad guys, all good in my view.  But they have not done it.  They raze the lot every several months that is it and the "Gas station and retail strip" sign is still up. They  did build the warehouse across the street which is nice and may hopefully lead to a traffic light for me. 

The cats are good which is always nice to see but they are eating up all their food early.  I suspect, but have no proof, a neighboring black cat is getting in through the cat door and eating their food as 2 cups a day has been plenty for them all for quite a while now.  I have seen the other cat but not in the house, it seems nice enough but very timid.  It is a longhair and solid black, a beautiful cat. I told Biscuit today I would like to pet it but that's it.  I am very fond of sleeping with my Biscuit. 

Shower time. All done now.  

I had some trouble with my hands shaking during the photos so that's what you get.  

Just a navy tshirt and black jeans.  

Biscuit in my lap I need to give him attention.  

Thursday morning

 I slept better last night.  Allergies are still present but not as bad as they were. I am still using my generic Zyrtec and Flonase that helps, although I do hack a lot after I (insert?  install?  load?) the Flonase spray. 

My pork roast cooked OK yesterday I just need to try it this morning and see how that went. I used some white wine and chicken broth with salt, pepper, onions, garlic. There was a nice fat layer on top of the meat so it should be pretty moist. I will try some before work, if it's good it will be breakfast. 

Weight is OK around 180 I can live with that. I am doing laundry before work hopefully that will work better than trying to do it when I get home.  I get home 6-7 PM and I have to go to bed at 8 so you can see that doesn't work. 

I am looking at clothes that basically tops are going to be this size 16/18, Men's Large, or our Junior's size 21. Pants range in size based on manufacture but pretty much our Junior's 19, or other brands (Misses) 16.   This is all a lot better than the 4X top I was doing before, or the 3X bottom.  I only have about 10-15 pounds to lose and that is not a lot with regard to size where I am currently.  And that's fine.  I am a lot healthier when I started out. 

I am on my feet every minute I am on the clock. I have a few aches and pains now I can only imagine working at my old weight and how miserable I'd be. I am really pleased with the lunches I am doing,a big salad, sweet potato, milk, entree or low carb sandwich. I think that is a very good long term eating habit. That is something I would want to do longterm. 

And I am looking to build good long term habits. It has been about me getting healthy this time not just getting "hot". And that's how I think it will last. 

I just need to figure out my plan if they have cake in the breakroom or my boss brings donuts.  Because that's going to happen. I have had issues with portion control when it comes to sugar.  I can't exactly say "no" to the donuts, the cake, yes.  

I need to get going, will be back.  

Morning photos. 

(I am not wearing shapewear, if I ever am for a photo I will tell you)

Those are tan pants I realize it looks a little like I'm naked. 

I didn't think about that when I bought them. 

Got my lunch made ready to go. 

The difficult boss said she would like to take today off so I am hopeful she did.  She is not "mean" or a bad person but I don't like her management style which can be harsh.  

Ron did things differently and overall was a very good boss. Not always a good husband but a good boss.  I don't bring that up at work though. 

That's it for now. 

Wednesday lunch

Boss wanted me to take a lunch 2 hours after I clocked in.  OH-KAY.  

Other than that going OK.  I guess I should be happy I am getting a lunch.  

Interesting to me both family members and the blog loved me in the pink top.  I don't really see myself as a "pink" person these days.

Also realizing Ron wanted me to dress like an Amish and what is a good look for me that will make God happy.

Also figuring out property tax as well. 

Wednesday morning

 I went to bed early last night but kept waking up. Frustrating. 

Here I am this morning. 

A little more fitted than I am accustomed to but I will have the vest on over it for most of the day, and then the coat to come home.  It will be cold today (for Houston) so I will have my big coat. 

I got the pork roast in the crock pot.  I bought some white wine yesterday for the marinade. Also some bone broth.  

The weather was really bad for most of the day.  The notable thing for me one manager kept sending associates out into the weather to round up carts so they wouldn't blow into someone's car. Happily I was not drafted. 

I bought a couple of t shirts after work.  I have been eyeing this one and wanting it:  

They finally had it in a large so I got one.  I also found 2 more $2.50 clearance t shirts so I got them. 

My mood has not been great, it's been mixed (up and down at same time) which is exhausting. But I see Doc pretty soon so I will ask him about it. 

That's it for now. 

Severe weather today

 Going to be interesting getting home even with a ride.  I am sure you can watch on the news if interested.

A surprising number of customers today.  More later if I have power.

Tuesday morning

 I slept OK but my weight is up. What is it?  The keto bread?  Overall carbs are pretty low but my fiber is way up so I am thinking that is it.  I will watch carefully. 

I yank the covers up over the pillow now and that has helped a lot with my allergies. Last night I was sitting in my chair and pulled a blanket the cats use in my lap because I was chilled. And my allergies roared to life, it was pretty bad. So cats are a definite trigger. 

I am currently taking generic Zyrtec and Flonase. They work pretty well.  

Today we have moderately severe weather coming in so I will be taking a ride home. I need to figure out what to say to Jack.  He had to put his dog down yesterday. He is alone in his house now. 

I plan to console him on that and tell him how much it helped me to get Torbie after Bubba died. Tell him about the shelter.  And leave it alone after that. The shelter has like 400 dogs I am sure he could find a good fit. Yup they are doing a special on dogs right now adopt for $23 fixed, shots,microchip, everything.   Then I will let it drop.  If he asks me questions later on I will answer them. 

It would be terrible to come home to an empty house every night. 

I need to clean the litter and get going on my day. 

Got everything done.  I couldn't get my lunch in my lunch bag so I used my old lunch bag too.  It is pretty cold out.  

That's it for now. 

Monday morning

I slept OK last night. I need to take my shower, do my God Time, eat, get dressed, and make my lunch.  I am getting low on medication so I am going to put in for refills as I will run out before I see Doc. 

Today at work on my lunch I need to call doc and make an appointment. Then call my cab guy and make a reservation with him for the day I see Doc as that is a 'BIG TRIP" and even Metro says they can't find me a route over there. So it has to be a ride which means a cab. 

I wouldn't do Jack because traffic is a mess over there and I am not sure how to get there really.  I know what the building looks like when we get there but that's about it, and it has been literal years since I went. 

And I had better get going.  I am really trying not to focus on today being "One of six" and just a regular Monday. I will get depressed if I think I have to work 6 days straight. Happily I do have money for rides.   

I made my lunch: keto bread sandwich with sharp cheese, roast beef, mayo.  Bottle of milk (I used an old soda 20 ounce bottle). Green salad, I eat 3 cups salad every day. Sweet potato (not a whole one,half) with butter for dessert.  Break I have some cheese and 3 ounces of blackberries.  

I put it all into my food tracker so I don't have to do it later and it says I am doing OK. 

That's it for now; may do a mobile blog later but we'll see.  

I have decided to tell the story

 Ron has been dead nearly 2 years, he won't mind and maybe it will help someone.  

Ron was the fourth and last child his parents had.  He was born with glaucoma and was effectively blind.  He could see a little bit of colors and light but that was it, and that ended when he was 8.  Both his parents worked so it was up to his older brother and sister to take care of him.  

Ron had a tendency to wander so they really had to keep an eye on him.  His brother usually got assigned to watch him.  

One day when Ron was 4-5 his brother took him across the street and the neighbor boy paid A (Ron's brother) a quarter.  Ron was then sexually assaulted by the neighbor boy.  When he cried and tried to get away A told him to be still. 

In addition to that on another occasion the neighbor boy told Ron about sex and that girls were different "down there" which led to Ron's obsession with "looking". He got in trouble many times for feeling up (consensual) little girls. No one thought to examine why Ron was suddenly acting out sexually. I guess they just thought he was precocious. 

Ron never told (except me about 10 years ago) and his brother was never punished for what he did.  But I feel it explains so much of his behavior. 

Ron was never angry at his brother for his part in the assault and was sad when A stopped taking his calls after the accident. No one else in the family knew. 

He never got counseling but he paid for it with sex addiction, cheating, other acting-out behaviors. Please if you have someone in your life acting out sexually please get them some help if possible. 

That's it for now. 

Saturday night

 I got ALL the laundry done, the bed made, etc. I did some meal prep as well: cooked 6 servings of sweet potato to put in my lunch. I also hard boiled some eggs but they were hard to peel and half the egg stuck to the shell. I was disappointed and will try the add vinegar to the water trick next time. 

I talked to Mom and Dad they are doing pretty well.  I did OK most of the day until I heard "Don't Bring me Down" which I have always thought of as the theme song playing as I tried to revive Ron. 

Chorus:

I need you

I need you

I need you right now

I need you right now

So don't let me 

Don't let me 

Don't let me 

down 

I think I'm losing my mind now

Don't let me down *

And there I am trying to revive him as the chorus plays in the background, I can see it so clearly. So that is hard to hear and it's a popular song. 

The cats are good but were rather disturbed I remade the bed.  Hopefully the way I plan to make it will keep dander out of my immediate head/neck area. I have this incriminating photo: 

I cough just looking at it. No wonder my allergies are so bad.

I plan to go to bed early and do my shopping early tomorrow if it works out. That's it for now. 

Two dear babies

 I have been cursed with plumbing problems to the point I had to rig up an improvised dry toilet with Feline Pine cat litter pellets, a trash bag, and 5 gallon bucket. So I had the better part of a bag left. 

Feline Pine worked well for Frosty about 15 years ago so I decided to try it in one of the litter boxes. We will see what the cats think of it. And no I do not use the improvised toilet unless I am having a major plumbing emergency. Happily I have not had one of those since I instituted the use of the poop knife a year ago. You can look that up. 

I took a nap and woke up with another headache so I am waiting on the Excedrin to kick in and then I will clean the fridge.  I don't want to watch TV as my preferred channel is only showing SVU reruns today and I don't like the brutality and the sobbing victims. My life is hard enough without watching someone else's pain. They had it on at work the other day and I was not happy. 

On to happier days let me pull up a photo of Frosty.  

Bubba, my all black male, brought Frosty home one day.  Bubba would come up to me and meow coaxingly at Frosty to come up and get some food, already.   Bubba was always very hospitable and loved other cats. Since Bubba was OK with Frosty I did the socialization process with Frosty which took a while as he was terrified of people.  But once he got in my lap he was a lap baby as you can see, loved some treats, just hanging out and getting pets. He was also fiercely territorial and would run off any other cats that came around.  He was about 9 when he came to live with me and must have had a very sad life.  I think his owner died. But once he moved in life was great except for getting neutered.  He died of the same condition Biscuit has; he got sick and I thought I could wait until morning to take him to the vet. I was wrong. I regret that. But, as the vet said, he was at least 13 by then anyway. 

Here is Bubba: 

He was beautiful inside and out. He died of heart failure back in 2013; I lost Frosty in 2009.  I don't believe in "luck" I always had good times with Bubba.  The only time I cared about the "luck"nonsense when my house got robbed I hoped he had seen Bubba and been superstitious. 

I don't miss that carpet. LOL  

That's it for now. 

Early Saturday

 Work was fine but I was happy to get out of there.  A long ride home of course. 

One of my drivers reminded me it was the last time I'd see her, they are changing the routes (drivers have to bid on routes every 6 months), she did not like her new route but at least it wasn't the on-call "extra board" job one of my other drivers got.   That driver was really not looking forward to it.  

So next week all new drivers. That will be interesting. I got home fine.  

I went to bed pretty early after talking to my parents and then woke up around 4 with a headache. It was raining so I took some Excedrin and went back to bed for a little bit. I had fed the cats last night so they were happy to let me get a little extra rest. I am finishing the laundry I started last night.  I got 5 new t shirts, at $2.50 I felt that was a deal I couldn't pass up.  I got a black, two navy, two heather gray. They are modest and fit well, a little loose but that is OK. I feel fine wearing it in front of male family members,for instance. 

So those are in the dryer and my cleaning rags and towels are in the washer.  I have them in there on soak with some borax and washing soda in addition to the detergent.  Once I finish that I am pretty done with laundry.  But while I'm thinking about it I'm going to strip the bed and get that washed too.  

Nope changed lanes and working on the litter boxes. One of them was bad enough I dumped out all the litter and soaking it right now, after I scrubbed it. The other ones were OK with some intense scoops.  I haven't been up to standard because I worried the litter dust would make my allergies go nuts, it did not.  I also got some Fresh Step out of the garage to put in the one box I dumped out.  We will see how it compares to Tidy Cats which I feel has some pretty poor performance.  If the Fresh step doesn't have good clumps every day I will go to the Chewy litter.  

I baked 2 sweet potatoes this morning, one for breakfast (it is very good) and one for my lunch this week, I split it in 2 portions.  I may bake another one and then have 2 more "treats" to take in my lunch.  I am OK with a moderate amount of what I consider "real" (unprocessed) carbs. It is the Frankenfood and the "engineered" stuff that gets me in trouble, and I was saying that on LCF and one reason I think they banned me. They wanted to direct everyone to their store and I was sending them away. 

But I stand by what really got me banned, consoling a mother whose son had the same type of mental illness as I do,telling her I had all the same problems but I had a GOOD life and he could BEAT this if he was smart and took everything as directed.  I would do it again. 

But ultimately a message board belongs to the owner and they can boot anyone they don't like. 

That's it for now. ALMOST caught up on laundry. 

Friday lunch

 Boss sent me to lunch early so here I am.  She does not like arranging coverage later on which I get.

It was raining earlier but supposed to stop before I go home.  It will be colder I hope I am OK.  I did bring a jacket.  I also have my wool hat.

The lady after my job was not excited to cover my lunch which I find VERY funny.

That's it for now.  

Friday morning

 There are a couple of people I don't know who see my store as a mission field.  There are 2 tract people (different types of tracts) and then yesterday an associate brought me a cart that had a handwritten tract in it (photocopied) and a daily devotional the kind ministries send out in bulk for distribution. No one wanted them so I took them. So that's 3 people.  

I of course can't share my faith at work, not directly, so I am happy to see others plowing the field. I work on my bus drivers.  I had 2 new drivers last night. I felt bad for the first driver.  He let a homeless man ride for free, the guy had a big soda with him, neglected it, spilled all over the floor creating a big sticky mess and a safety hazard. No good deed goes unpunished.  

Waiting on my last bus two women were talking about a murder that happened over by the transit center (happens on the regular, shootings and murders).  That apparently derailed bus service pretty bad which has confirmed my plan to keep an extra $20 in my wallet for times like that.

Since I went to bed early I had time to lie in bed and snuggle the cats this morning, that was fun. I get all my touching out of the cats these days. They are all doing great. 

I haven't figured out what top I am wearing to work today. I did see we have a nice women's tshirt for $2.50 so I am going to check that out before work. I am wearing black jeans. 

Not next week really but the week after is an AWFUL schedule. I can use the money but will have to pay a lot for rides as I am not going home on the bus late at night. One memorable Tuesday I think, I start early and work late!  I will have to pack some really nice lunches to make up for that.

I am down to 179 again so I don't want to mess that up eating bad things so I will be careful today. I have found I can do a little milk again which is great. I forgot to take my pills to work yesterday so I took them when I got home with a glass of milk which worked great. 

I am weaning off the sodas which is hard but I am getting it. That will help a lot with weight loss.   

Here are the daily photos one close up one full length. 

I have a lot of purple t shirts but this one is probably my favorite. 

That's it for now; may do a small post at work depending. 

 I am pretty tired, I think I will go to bed early. 

Work was fine and so was my ride home. The other night there was an attempted sexual assault on the other bus and he got off and tried to board my bus, it was pretty awkward.  I was fine.  But I do carry my stun gun. 

Allergies are really bad so going to bed early. 

depressed

 Very busy and intense day. Day It has gone pretty quick, though.

Moderately depressed..dont like the mania dont like the depression.  I guess I am hard to please.

Hoping I see my friend before I go home today.  Will be a long ride home on the bus.  I will make it.

At work

 Having a hard time getting off the diet soda.  I got back on it during the holiday rush.  Working on that as I feel it messes with my blood sugar.

And taskmaster boss is here I just heard her.  Going to be an interesting day.

Manic woman near my bus stop screaming at the passing cars.  I hope she is gone when I leave today.

I will think of Spotty today, lying in my lap and purring.

Thursday morning

 Years ago I bought some XL cloth pads and they didn't work for me.  I found out later you need to have snug fitting underwear for the cloth pads to work.  So I tried one last night and it worked great.  It was just a trial run. 

Plan is to wear these as tampon backup during cycles.  The disposable was rather irritating.  Also I can wear these daily when my cycle goes AWOL and I don't know when it's coming, should hold me until I get to a bathroom.  

At work I can usually get to a bathroom every 2 hours so that ought to work.  

I slept pretty well but still waking up in the middle of the night. I went back to sleep pretty quick.  

Before buying any, I decided to get out my old classic Wet & Wild lipstick out of my travel bag and try that today, see how I like it. I may just wear that ongoing.  It is a nice basic mauve lipstick. I have always preferred mauve.   I will put on the lipstick after I get to work I feel weird wearing that in front of Jack. 

Pork chops for lunch today and I will need to make up a salad.  What is it about salad getting so awful when it goes bad?  I found a bad piece in yesterday's salad and couldn't pick it out fast enough. I also need to do some dishes when I get home today. 

But I am almost in the home stretch. I have Saturday off but it will rain, also Ron's birthday.  Ron didn't like birthdays after his family disowned him he would get very depressed.  Maybe I need to focus on that. Next week I work 6 days in a row not looking forward to that.  And from what I have seen sales are down so I would expect them to cut hours, but they're not, mine at least.  It is a mixed blessing I make more money but I have to pay more for rides.  I am happy to give Jack the money he can use it but...

Anyway I weighed this morning.  Not happy I was up to 180 again even though we all know this flunctuates.  But Biscuit was so cute I uploaded it. 

He knows the scale is important but can't figure out why.  On a side note I still love my plastic plank flooring it has been great for me. 

I will post a pic after I get dressed and ready to go. Not sure what I will wear today.  I know I will do my black jeans but not sure what top.  It will be a little cooler today so I may wear one of my massively unflattering blue plaid flannel shirts.  I have a couple. I just can't say no to a blue plaid flannel. 😂

Mom and Dad said don't call today they are going out to dinner with friends tonight. Good for them I am glad they are active socially.  My in laws just sat at home watching TV all day and ended up with dementia. 

 OK I have the daily photo. 

Notice the shirt makes me look a lot bigger. I love flannel shirts but they are just not flattering. Not an issue right now as I am not man-hunting and my vest adds about 30 pounds to my profile anyway. 

Very happy I got my lunch packed so that is ready to go. That's it for now, may do a post tonight depending on energy level. 

Edit: Spotty got on me during my God time.  Lots of purring.  He is a really sweet boy, doesn't love on me every day but when he does it means a lot. 

So much for severe weather today

 I find it deeply embarrassing to admit I am a little manic. It's a lot easier for me to admit I am interested in buying more cloth pads and maybe a long wearing lipstick. But I need to work my budget first before I do that. 

I am glad I already have some pads because they are really useful with the bladder leaks due to coughing. They are comfortable, do the job, and I can wash them. I wore them during my last period but did not have tampon leaks so uncertain in that regard. 

Work was fine. I had arranged for a ride home from work and was, yet again, deeply embarrassed when I left and the sky was clear and sunny. I was tired enough I took the ride anyway, also, I had just bought a large bag of specialty cat food so I didn't want to take it home on the bus. 

I got a short nap with Cleo and Biscuit.  That was nice. I had some lap time with Biscuit. Spotty tried to get in my lap but Biscuit bit him!  😂  I texted a little with my aunt. I talked to my parents. 

While at work I ran into 2 different people who knew Ron and wanted to talk about him. Not exactly my idea of a good time these days. 

That's it for now. 

Wednesday morning

 I have been sleeping ok but then waking up at 3.  But weighed myself I was down to 178.4 which is great.  My first goal is 170; my second goal is 165.  Plan is I don't go over 170 and allow myself the 5 pounds wiggle room in case I go to the Mexican bakery with my aunt, someone brings donuts,etc. Visit my parents that was about 5 pounds if I recall correctly which isn't bad considering all I ate. 

Overall I am very happy with how I look naked. I have a little tummy pooch and a little saggy skin on it but I can live with that as I am well into middle age. I am fine with my arms and legs, chest and all that. My neck and face have shrunk down amazingly so very happy with that and that is what everyone sees anyway. So that's good. 

I have lived a life I don't care if my body shows it a little. I have gained and lost 80 pounds 3 times now so I am just happy I look the way I do. I think it helped I lost the weight more gradually this last time. 

The "kittens" (four year old Spotty and Cleo, but youngsters compared to Biscuit) were running around the house this morning. I think they know we have severe weather inbound. 

I need to take my shower. 

When I get home I will tell you about the incident on the bus yesterday.  

For now here I am this morning, sorry it is blurry.   I am not good at selfies.  

Thats it for now. 

Tuesday morning

 Down to 179 again this morning, let's hope it sticks!  Mom and Dad said if I keep it under 180 for 3 days in a row I get a bonus, not sure how much but I can use it. I'm also going to stop buying the diet Dew at work. 

I went to bed early and slept great but I missed my aunt again.  I may need to arrange to stay up and talk. 

I screwed up my budget and as Ron used to say, will need to "Put my head on the ground" admit that and ask for her to transfer some money from savings so I can cover property tax. I am not looking forward to that. 

And I need to take my shower.   That's done, ate my lentils too. 

The lentils are not the most delicious but they stick around a long time and they have a lot of fiber. 

I need to text my aunt I keep missing her so that will be it for now. 

Monday Morning

 My phone has been a little glitchy the last day or so I hope it doesn't affect me at work today. 

I did all my cooking, 9 pork chops (ate one), meat lover lentils (5 containers in the fridge), and some bonus ground sausage I did not put in the lentils. I love eating pork so it works out great that it's cheap because so many cultures despise it.  The Bible says all food is good if you eat it with thanksgiving.  

I have some dishes to do but not too much.  I am going to take my shower. Today, aside from work, my big goal is calling doc and possibly setting up that appointment for Feb 3. 

All ready to go. When I get home I need to sit down with my property tax bills and figure out how much has to come out of my next paycheck. I will need some additional money for rides as they have me working 6 days one week. I will figure it out.  

The cats are good. Biscuit likes looking at himself in my mirror and Cleo is zonked out in my bed (her usual spot). Spotty is out back. 

That's it for now.  

Oh, I almost forgot. You can tell I really like teal. 

Sunday afternoon

 I have tried to balance work and fun today but mostly work.  

I was not happy to see my schedule got bent in a couple of weeks. I really prefer two days off together.  I don't care which two days, just together.  I will not have that in a couple weeks. I have planned to redeem it and make it a fun weight loss goal by making my doctor's appointment for one of the days off.  

He hasn't seen me in about 3 years, since I was safe to say at my all time high well over 250.  Now I am flirting with 180. I would like to make that a little goal "How low can I go" and see what I can do before then. 

I have to see him anyway it might as well be early in the month, I figure. I will see what I can do Monday. Making the appointment for my existing day off. 

I think he will be happy with my progress and we are all happy with my current medication lineup. Maybe my aunt can come down and make a day of it, or maybe I will be paying some $$ to my cab driver buddy to take me crosstown but it will work out.  

I am not being very modest to say (and I like to think of myself as a modest person) that Doc is going to be BLOWN AWAY.  I just need to find the right outfit, something tailored but not sexy.  Not for my doc or my aunt. Not the red dress. But something. 

On another note I had planned to wash all the bedding as I am sure that is a huge allergy trigger with all the cat dander.  But Cleo has been camped out in my bed all day and I don't have the heart to move her.  

I plan to cook my ground sausage, then cook the pork chops. Also cook my lentils with the meat. At some point I also need to do the pork roast.  A lot of pork on the menu this week. 

I pulled some mystery meats out of the freezer the other night and found I had some roast chicken and a pork chop, which I ate for lunch.  Not sure what I am eating for dinner. 

I bought a little plain yogurt and have been giving that to Cleo.  She loves a little yogurt now and then. 

Early Sunday morning

 Every now and then I stop and think about what matters.  For instance when a co worker takes vacation time to spend with family; I always greatly respect that. That is important. I wish I had taken more time with Ron before the accident and even after (although traveling with a wheelchair!  😖).   I wish I had done more; that's about my only regret.  

I won't get to spend any time with Ron until I die myself. All I have are my memories to carry me.  So go make more with your loved ones, when they're gone you will not regret it.  

I heard an ad some woman was bitching about her husband snoring.  I would LOVE to have the house filled with his snoring again. 

So when I wake up with a headache, take my pills and go back to bed and the cats join me I am damned well going to stay there until my bladder pops. I had a great time with Cleo and Biscuit. Biscuit in particular is very devoted to me.  I don't know if it is the fact I saved him from the woman abusing him and threatening to kill him or more the fact I take care of him with his condition. But he's very loyal and I am really going to miss him when he dies.  So I try to value and respect the time with him.  

So yeah, I spent an hour in bed with the cats this morning and I don't regret it.  I kept thinking about things I needed to do but that didn't matter; he did.  I was pretty good at this with Frosty and Bubba and I don't have regrets about them. 

I need to finish the dishes and then start cooking today.  I mainly need to brown some sausage for my meatlover lentils.  I am soaking the lentils right now as they are old.  I need to get the crock pot going if the pork roast is thawed.  

That's about it; I may also hard boil some eggs as I dropped the $$ yesterday and bought a dozen. 

If you have loved ones give them a call, even if you just leave a message that matters. Or a nice text with an I love you in it. 

I was so upset I had deleted all Ron's texts a few months before he died.  By that point he wasn't really able to text so I had nothing. So I would add don't delete the texts.  

That's it for now, more later.  

Saturday night

 I got a fresh set of sheets going in the wash. 

I had a good nap with Cleo and Biscuit, they are "married". She spent some time requesting pets and licking my hand, something she doesn't always do. 

I need to do some kitchen work in addition to my laundry tonight. I have to cook my pork chops tomorrow,for instance. I also want to make some (what I am calling) meatlover lentils.  The concept sounds really good.  Figure out other meals. 

Mom and Dad are traveling back home to CA last I heard they are in SC. They are having some problems as the system is down (computer reservations). But they are at least moving. 

I will come back to this periodically.  

Did about 1/3 of the dishes. Moved the clothes along.  I think I am going to call it an early night once I finish the jeans. 

Things I plan to cook coming up: 

Pork roast

Pork chops 

Meat lover lentils (more pork products)

That reminds me I need to get the lentils soaking.  

Sorry I lied

 I went out without making a post. 

How I looked after I got dressed: 

 

How I looked leaving the house:  

I am still trying to figure out "the right" place in the house to set up the mirror for photos. 

I went to the first grocery store.  The cough and cold DM worked really well so I got another bottle. I also checked out the discount meats and found some nice pork chops for $6. I am going to cook those tonight. Then I got some citrus and a nice assortment of salad greens. 

Off to the second grocery store, which had blackberries 2 for $1.  I bought 6. I don't want to get sick of them but oh I love blackberries. That will last me a week (thinking I should have got 7!). 

I also got exciting things like a block of cheese, some sausage, drink mix. I did get some eggs they were $4 but humanely raised and also had some Omega 3 in them. I prefer humanely raised meats if at all possible. I also got some candy to hand out which was the bulk of my total. 

I had good rides and the weather was mild but my allergies were talking.  I made it though.  

Early Saturday

 So I got through work. 

I decided to get another pair of the No Boundaries High Rise Mom Jean for $11 (less with my discount), cat food, soap.  

I about had a heart attack when I looked at the soap. VERY expensive. If this keeps up I may have to go back to making my own. I settled on 2 bars of Dove Unscented (figured better for my allergies).  From what I recall it is a good soap.  I'll find out when I take my shower.  

I bought some lemon flavor greek yogurt at work yesterday.  I adore lemon yogurt.  I love greek yogurt.  Seemed like a good pairing, it is not.  It is a grim experience as it is rather bland and not very creamy.  I am glad I only got a few cartons.  

Schedule in a couple weeks is NUTS.  I heard some people complaining they were working 6 days in a row; I will.  I start different times, work weekends (OK with that if I get 2 days off during the week together), etc.  Jack is going to make some money but I will have to write it out for him as even I can't remember all the hours.  They are so different.  

Someone must be on vacation and they want me to cover, but it is more hours.  I have always thought I don't bitch when they change my hours because I am exposed to new drivers to evangelize in the process and this is how God brings them to me.  So I don't complain but I will REMARK.  It is different! 

A while back I bought  pot roast, it was very large and I cut it in half, ate half, put the rest in a freezer bag with chicken broth (it was pork), some poblano peppers, garlic, onions, cumin, oregano,etc. and froze it.  I took it out of the freezer this morning and put it in a bowl in the fridge.  I will cook it tomorrow ideally and then I can portion it out for my lunches this coming week (just a regular M-F week).  

I talked to 3 different family members last night and they all said my allergies sounded a lot better.  I feel better, not great but improved and feel like I can go run my errands today. I went to bed early, slept late (I fed the cats last night) and woke up feeling refreshed which is unusual for me.  So that's good.  

It is cold right now so not in a big hurry to rush out of the house. I do need to try out my new soap. I will do another post before I leave the house. 

That's it for now. 

Friday morning

 Yesterday at work some friends were complaining they couldn't send me friend requests on Facebook so I fixed that.  Should be interesting.  I do not Facebook a lot, and I took the blog off my Facebook. 

Not hungry this morning.  I don't think I am going to eat until I am. I took all my allergy medicine so I should be OK to work.  I took my shower and did my God Time, fed the cats.  

I need to buy some soap after work but worried the fragrance will trigger my allergies.  I sound like Ron now, he had some sort of chemical sensitivity.  I had to use all unscented cleaning and laundry products, which is where I came up with using baking soda in the wash for odors (it works very well). I had to use unscented soap as well but I could get away with a lightly fragranced shampoo. 

Two thoughts before I go get dressed.  Ron always loved top 40 songs. Guess what we play at work?  So that is hard for me. I like less popular stuff so it is unlikely anyone would walk into a store playing something I liked.  

Second thought the girls at work were saying I have to start wearing makeup now. I am not interested in that, for one I have money issues. I walk around in feels like 100 degrees in the summer, my face would melt. 😂  I would do lipstick that is about it. If I could get that good 12 hour stuff that doesn't come off when you get a drink of water. I loved that stuff but not sure if they still do it. 

They were also talking about my hair and I agree the ponytail makes me look old.  But Ron loved it and he's gone so the ponytail can go too. I am thinking shoulder length.  We will see how that works. If I hate it I can grow it out again. 

I was passing the open bin of thong panties at work and someone had thrown some on the floor.  The music at work started playing "My song" with Ron.  Bonnie Raitt's "Let's Give Them Something To Talk About". I thought I can get sad about this or I can sing and dance. So I decided to sing and dance with the music as I picked the undies off the floor.  I had a handful of lacy thongs in my hand and I heard a cough, there was a male customer behind me.  

"Don't stop on my account" he said. 😂😂

Here's how I looked yesterday

Here I am today

The vest goes over everything. 

That's it for now. 

My thoughts on the vax...

 Before you go bashing the poor vax I have to say I am highly allergic to cats. Biscuit sleeps with me. He gets in my lap when I get home.  All provoke my allergies horribly. 

I am keeping him of course. 

More tomorrow. 

Thursday morning

 Still feel run down but at least able to work; sleep, etc. Theory about the vax driving my allergies may be accurate as I HAVE NOT had issues like this since I lived in the mold apartment. It also does not help that Biscuit sleeps by my head at night.  

I would go on oxygen before I would move him.  He's my child. I plan to do a deep clean on the house this weekend and look into HEPA air filters for the bedroom. It's not a large room I think 130 square feet. It shouldn't be too hard to find something. 

In the meantime: I am taking Flonase.  I am taking Zyrtec (which had better results on my Dad who also has bad allergies). I am taking a cough suppressant with expectorant. I am also taking a decongestant. It is helping.  If I am late with a dose I feel it. So we will see. 

I am also going to look into the mold diet as I know I am allergic to mold. Unfortunately that may mean no cheese for a while but if it will help I am up for that. 

Work was fine yesterday, the back stabber co worker was not there.  My boss was busy with something else most of the day so I could just work.  God even led me to the steps I needed to fix the app and log in again.  There were a couple of steps I had to make but now that I've done it once next time should be easier. It is nice not to have to ask someone else for help with that I felt so dumb. He was always nice about it but I'm sure he got sick of me bugging him. 

Ride home was OK. I have figured out if I get off before the transit center where the 2 routes overlap I can catch the home bus even if the first bus is going to miss it at the transit center.  I have done that twice now.  And the transit center is fairly creepy once the sun goes down so that's a good thing. 

If I could just get ahold of the allergies!  

Oh and my weight is up to 182 so that is frustrating. Time for my shower.  

All done. I am wearing some cute khaki jeggings and an oversized lavender top. The jeggings are very comfortable. 

The cats were adorable this morning, Biscuit in particular.  He's such a good boy.  

That's it for now.  

Wednesday morning

 I had so little trash I decided not to bother taking it out. 

I really want a bag of potato chips.  

So yesterday was pretty much OK. I still feel really run down from the allergies.   And part of that is my fault. I have some "immune boosting herbs" , tinctures, etc I made. Last week when everyone was walking around all snotty, coughing, raspy voices I upped my intake. Which of course boosted my immune system which made for HELLACIOUS allergies.  But I would probably do the same thing again. 

I am sleeping better though which I really appreciate. And, (TMI warning) the cloth pads I got some time back are great. I have been coughing a lot which has led to small, embarrassing, bladder leaks but the pad catches them.   And it's a lot nicer than a disposable.  And I can wash it. I am winding up my cycle happy about that. 

Cycles have been great since I had the cyst out 20 some years ago. If I had known I would have done it a lot sooner.  I may look into getting more pads if they still make them.   Edit, they do, I will put up a link.  I think it is important to state I wear the right underwear (fitted) for my size so the pad doesn't move around. 

So I slept OK. First thing when I got up I shot up my nasal steroid spray.  Took my antidepressant and vitamin, did up my pills for the day. I need to take my shower. 

Not very motivated today...but ready to go.  Ate my breakfast, lunch packed.  

I am thinking how to do my bed so the cats can enjoy it and I don't have allergies.  I know the dander is making me worse.  

So far my plan is to take everything off and wash it, then cover with a sheet on top. That way hopefully the sheet will catch the dander. I am just spitballing here. 

I will figure something out. 

Tuesday morning

 It was pretty awful getting home yesterday. The first bus was late,the second bus was an hour late.  My Zyrtec wore off so I had horrific allergies I sounded like patient Zero on the bus infecting everyone with my pollen and cat dander. I got home well after dark which is not fun as the area is not well lit. But I did it.  

I went to bed early after taking my pills and managed to drop off OK and sleep alright.  I am still groggy from the Zyrtec but at least I am not hacking up a lung. And I need to use the nasal spray.  

Did that, also took the antidepressant.  Now for my shower.  

I am taking so many pills right now...

Got everything ready for work. Jack should be here in a few minutes.  I really hope I have an easier ride home today.  

I'll be glad when my allergies are better

 Before work found me shooting up Flonase in the breakroom. It helped some but my walk home tonight about did me in.  

Work was pretty uneventful except for the "I'm here for your job" employee swore she would give me a lunch today and did not, that blew back on her. Later on she was complaining to our boss.  I didn't hear what she said but I heard my boss say "work the hours and schedule assigned to you and don't worry about anyone else". So I feel better. 

App logged me out and my tech guy was busy so I will have to use personnel the next couple days. My ride home was very late (second bus waited almost an hour) so I had to walk home in the dark with my allergies raging. 

That was not fun. But I made it. 

Sunday night

 I got the Italian sausage cooked up.  When it cools down a bit I'm going to portion it x 5 servings and add some pepperoni. I think 2 meats per bowl is enough. Plus it will have cheese and tomato sauce. I plan to do these for breakfast at home and have the cube steak for lunch.  

Did all my cooking, took 2 hours. But I got it done. 

Going to bed now. Still feel crappy from the allergies. 

Would you like some good news?

 Still battling the allergy attack from hell. BUT....

Sorry about the hairy legs. It has a decimal so it is 179.8, not 1,798. 😂  Very happy about that. 

170 is my goal but I want to get down to 165 and then if I go up a few pounds now and then it is not a huge deal; plan would be nothing OVER 170. Nice to actually be looking at goal.  

It would be really fun to get down to goal before I see Doc he was worried about me now and then. I am going to go take my shower.  

Did that, went to 2 grocery stores.  Found cube steak, my favorite, in the markdown bin at the Krogers so I got that. 2 and a half pounds, 8 nice steaks, for $10 seemed like a good deal to me.  

The other store didn't have the salad mix, if I had to guess it probably froze in the field.  They did have baby spinach so I got that. They also had the frozen chub of ground turkey I was really happy to see that again. I had my cart so it wasn't bad getting things home. 

I also bought more candy and ziplocks. I have been very careful what I've been eating today I want to "save" my weight loss. I will do the cooking after my allergy pills kick in and I talk to my parents. 

That's it for now. 

Saturday afternoon

 My allergies have been really bad this year.  They never used to be too bad until I lived in the mold apartment. 

We lived on the second floor.  The third floor apartment above me had a bad tub drain, whenever she took a shower the water would drain into our bathroom ceiling. So it was always sopping wet, dripping water,covered in mold.  We lived there several years. 

This was the Silicon Valley at the height of the dot-com boom. We could not get another place,we made too much for the poverty level places but not enough to get any kind of decent housing. So we just lived with it. 

My allergies got pretty bad during this time; so did Ron's. I'm sure there's a correlation. Yes we notified the landlord many times.  He said it was "too expensive" to fix. 

It is "cedar fever" season in Houston. We are supposed to get rain tonight, that will help a lot. I also have a family history of allergies on Dad's side at least (not sure of bio mom).  

So I feel run down, keep sneezing, sinuses hurt. I did some research and took my generic Zyrtec vs the Claratin I took last night.  

For me the big sign is what Ron called "the hack" a dry cough I get with allergies. That is back. But I should be good in a day or two. 

I am glad I installed the new air filter. 

I have been OK today just a little sad. I keep Ron with me by talking about him.  But people are sick of that. I don't blame them. 

I really do need to get a new keyboard this old one is bugging me. 

Saturday

 I have started and stopped a couple of different blogs and I will try again. Normally I don't have a problem finding something to say. 

I am glad I fought for Ron after the accident, fought to took care of him, did take care of him for over 18 years. No regrets on that and he let me know many times how much he appreciated it. 

It is amazing what I will do for someone if given a little appreciation. 

I have been sick the last day or so with what I believe is "Cedar Fever" (severe allergies). I don't have a COVID test but I am not running a fever. Throat is not sore. Just feeling run down and sneezing a lot. Not snotty,either. 

I am just highly allergic to tree pollen. I remember it was really bad after Ron died. I am taking my Claratin but it will take a few days to kick in. 

I am doing laundry and trying to take it easy.  It was supposed to rain today, is not, hope it doesn't rain tomorrow as I have to finish my grocery shopping. I am just waiting on the clothes to dry. 

I have pretty much hung up everything in my closet as Spotty likes to get in dresser drawers and sleep on clothes.  Socks/underwear that sort of thing doesn't matter but it does with shirts and pants. 

I have noticed they like to make their own spots; if I make it nicer for them they don't use it any more. I am very pleased with the contents of my closet right now. 

When I get down to goal I plan to get a few additional things but for now I am happy. I just wish I could beat this headache.  

I decided to go shopping after work.

 I wanted one of our pairs of $10 black jeans.  I also saw some clearance t shirts and wanted to check them out,they were pima cotton and only $3.50.  

I had gone to work planning to buy a pretty cream colored t shirt but found they were mostly polyester.  The shirts I got instead were 100% cotton. 

So after I clocked out I looked around a bit, picked out some shirts, the jeans,went to the fitting room. I was pretty sure I was a No Boundaries size 19 jean, I was, so I got them. The t shirts fit well so I got them. Just for fun I picked out a red dress which I DID NOT buy. 

The below was me in the bathroom, with, and without, the vest. 

About the accident, it was a trauma to me too.  When Ron woke up and knew me again he said "You have suffered more than I have". He was right.  

I have come to realize part of it everyone, especially Ron's family, was saying to me: You have to be strong.  If you cry or mourn you are weak and unfit to take care of him.  You have to be strong. And they saw emotion as weakness so I had to plow through without feeling or showing any.  

Even after they left I still felt like I had to be strong and that meant not grieving for my losses, like losing my husband to the bottle, living with him in a wheelchair, TBI and alcoholic issues, then dementia issues. That's a hell of a lot. 

I can only do that here. If you are up for the ride come along. If not no one forces you to click the bookmark. or type in the address. 

Tomorrow

 Is the 20th anniversary of the accident.  Very depressing.   I will do some shopping after work and get a ride home.  Tomorrow will be heavy rain so I can't go out.

I am glad it took me so long to figure out..

Friday morning

 Got the new clothes hung up. 

Did not sleep as well as I might have liked but ready to go now. I plan to do some shopping after work, take a ride home. I plan to wear my new orange t shirt to work with some jeans. Haven't figured out yesterday's jeans or a new pair. 

I am having my period so I want black jeans. Today is what I refer to as "Day 2" which is a heavier flow.  Yesterday was unremarkable because I took Advil and I plan to do that again today.   There is a lot of very good evidence ibuprofen reduces blood flow on a cycle. 

Yesterday when I got home all the cats were lining up to use the one box in the orange room so I need to clean that before my shower.

All done with that, ready to go.  The size 21 t shirt "just" fits so I am glad I didn't get smaller. 

I clean the litter box every morning before I take a shower. I have to admit even cleaning daily I am not impressed with the clump action on the Tidy Cats.  I thought it was my lazy habits but it just isn't up for 3 cats. And I have probably 70 pounds of it. I will use it up and then, I think, get the litter from Chewy I hear good things about that. 

That's it for now.  If things work out I will buy a long mirror today so I can take better selfies.