The cat just came in his (cat) door, meowing. I called him and put my hand down at cat level. Bubba ignored me and strutted off down the hall.
"Ron, Bubba's home! It's for you!" He jumped up on the bed and I hear Ron talking now.
It seems like everyone in the world is asking me about a Bible Handout. Tomorrow, I'll do one in my usual spot, afternoon rush hour. I just need to finish up the Bibles.
I may do one Saturday morning, in the usual spot, need to pray on that but one of my friends would like to do one, and works a conventional job. Not all of us get up at 2 AM to receive deliveries!
Speaking of, that's what I did. I admit, I hit the snooze button. But, I got up, did my God Time. It comes in two parts: me, praying - I talk to God. Then, reading the Bible (I have various reading plans), where He talks to me.
I did that, while sucking down a Diet Dr Pepper. Funny. The time Diet Dr Pepper has spent in my God Time ought to assure it a place in Heaven! That, and the cat.
These are the thoughts that come from my brain, when I wake up at 2 AM. Then I did my shower and even shaved my legs without bloodshed.
Apparently, I could have used an extra swipe with the deodorant. Ron complained when I hugged him later that day. I always carry perfume oil so I applied it and covered the problem. Again, when I get up at 2 AM, not always at my best.
I think if I got up that early, consistently, I'd be OK. Normally, though, I get up around 5, so it's a problem. But, as Ron says, it's only once a month.
I put on a pocket tshirt and comfortable clothes, and headed off to work. I got 2 soda deliveries, put them away. Then I got the sandwich delivery and stocked that. I also retrieved soda for Ron, stocked heavy cases of bottled soda into the refrigerators, etc. Busy, busy.
We did it all pretty fast, though, so Ron went and hung out with the other blind vendor, in his stockroom. They had a good time.
Pretty soon our ride came. I was exhausted. I'd slept poorly last night. Finally got home, oh, my bed looked so good. I practically jumped into it.
I slept until 1 PM.
Ron and I will do a Bible Handout tomorrow afternoon. If things work out, I'll do another on Saturday with Craig. Dee Ann is very interested in possibly doing one next Friday. We'll pray on it.
Tomorrow, I go to Walmart. I need that bathing suit, and I want some Diet Mountain Dew for the Handout(s). If I can't find the bathing suit, after we get home I will take the bus to the thrift store, while Ron goes to the liquor store.
Sigh. I'm glad he's only buying beer and wine, but I'd really rather he not drink at all. But, that...
Agh. So, he just asked me to explain why I won't "help" him buy alcohol. I told him, I don't want to have any part in your next blackout. He's had blackouts on beer. He's had blackouts on wine. He's had blackouts on harder stuff.
But he doesn't want to hear it, any more than he wants to hear "You've been sober for years at a time and then binge-drunk yourself into a blackout." No, that doesn't happen! How dare I say that!
I told him, tell him, again and again, I will not buy you alcohol. I will have nothing to do with buying you alcohol.
I think the concept of the next blackout is very frightening for him. I found it very telling, and I will point this out when he's calmed down - if you consider it "torture" because I won't help you get something, you might want to examine your dependence on that substance.
Now he's "punishing" me. Threatening to cut off all my transportation. No ride to the handout. No ride to Walmart. No rides anywhere, church, or my doctor. Fine. I can take the bus.
Ron needs me a lot more than I need him, and he needs to realize a response of this magnitude, to a simple "No, because I worry about your next blackout" indicates a problem. He's still ranting, but I'm listening to money on headphones. He wants me to get very upset, yell and cry maybe... until I agree to "compromise" and buy him alcohol.
Nope. If I think things are tough now, imagine the monster I'll create if I capitulate!
5 comments:
You are right to not enable his alcohol use in any way.
As for him threatening to cut you off...that is abusive behavior, but I am sure you knew that already. Do you still have your safety plan and/or are you attending Al-Anon meetings? It would be best to have your safety plan set just in case. Make sure you have supports around you. The people from your church may be able to assist.
I'm certainly praying for you!
If I had to, I would get out and go to a motel for a while.
My aunt just had to "host" a family member for nearly a year, had a lot of issues. That person literally left yesterday, so I think she needs some time off before "rescuing" anyone else.
I have a "bug out bag" - more than one way to be a "prepper" - I actually got that idea from the AA "green book".
The sooner you leave him the better.
You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. You get neither, unless he wants something. I pray for you Heather and it makes me mad that when he's getting what he wants, he's a good husband. Spoiled is what he is. like a child.
I agree. Unfortunately, I know how it started. Ron was born with congenital glaucoma. A doctor told his mother "Don't ever let him cry, he will go blind faster". Anything Ron wanted, Ron got. If he sniffled for the candy bar his brother bought with money he he earned, it was given to Ron. He was allowed to run wild for several years, developing a massive entitlement philosophy. Eventually, his mother began disciplining when he was about 7-8, he went blind shortly afterward. There was a lot of emotional and physical abuse as well. His father was an alcoholic, and of course, we repeat what we know.
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