I know, without a doubt, if God wanted me to leave He would make it apparent. Since, every time I've taken "the issue" to him, I get the same "NO" - and trust me, I wanted a "Go ahead and leave him", I have to assume this is where I'm supposed to be.
That said, Ron "let" me sleep last night. He was making a lot of noise with his talking book machine. I got up and said "I'll shut your door". He knew what I was saying. Then I saw the cat. "The cat's is in here, after he leaves I will shut the door". He made some more noise for a while, and then stopped. I think he was trying to get more attention. No one could sleep through that racket.
Now, don't get me wrong, he has ABSOLUTELY kept me up all night, on purpose. I think, in this case, he was being thoughtless.
Anyway, I slept pretty well last night. I got up at 5:30.
Got on the computer, looked around for a bit, and Ron woke up. When he walked by, I said "I'm awake". I didn't want him to tiptoe, trying to "Let Heather sleep", if I wasn't. That wouldn't be kind.
"OH-Kay" he said mopingly as he dragged himself down the hall. Everything about him shouted "Victim". Oh, it made me so mad. I HATE it when is horrible to me and then acts like HE is the victim.
He does this. I remember one day, I got into the vehicle before Ron (he is pretty slow and takes a couple minutes to come out). The driver was very upset at me.
"How can you make that poor man travel on his own?" Huh? "You MADE him to to the liquor store by himself! That's horrible! How could you make him do that? It's so hard for him to walk, and he HAD to carry that big bag around his neck... YOU NEED TO HELP HIM!"
Thankfully, I had done my God Time, AND my medication. I throttled back the original rage.
"Have you ever seen him, travel by himself, any where else?" No.
"Do you think I might have a good reason for refusing to buy him alcohol?" I gave her a pointed look, and she shut up. About that time, Ron got in.
"So, Ron" I told him "This driver is upset because you go to the store by yourself." He smirked.
So, the "acting-like-a-victim" thing drives me nuts. I remember he did this back in 2007. When I did leave him I had all kinds of drama because Ron went around "confessing" to everyone and playing "I am a worm". However, he made sure to mention I had helped him buy the alcohol, so it wasn't really his fault.
And that, dear friends, is reason enough to say "No, I will not buy you alcohol." If the issue comes up again, today, I will use that example.
I don't get it. If I beat the crap out of someone while drinking, I wouldn't drink! Instead, all I get is a weak promise "not to drink any everclear" (which is almost 100% grain alcohol). His reasoning behind drinking the everclear: wine makes me fat. Beer makes me fat. Nothing is more important than getting drunk, for the fewest calories possible. Therefore, I will drink 100% grain alcohol.
What's really awful - he has asked me to help him get it AGAIN! He BEAT ME UP drinking the stuff, and he wanted it again? He mentioned it just this year, in fact. I told him I would call my aunt and uncle, who got a big eyeful of my bruises last time, and ask him to explain it to them.
So. It really bugs me when he acts like a victim, after he has done something abusive. It's not healthy on any level.
I did some research, sadly, it is common.
Anyway, I will have fun today, stick to my guns, be polite and respectful, without being needy - he likes to "cut me off" and give me the silent treatment, to get my acquiescence. If he calls I will probably answer the phone. Then I will tell him "No" again.
I will have a fun day out. Then, a Bible Handout. Too bad I can't take the Bibles and hand them out at the mall!
3 comments:
Praying for you...
Are you getting help and support in your situation? Do you have a safety plan?
You don't have to answer me if you're not comfortable. Just more of a check in for yourself.
Another thought I had...
((and it doesn't always work))
In my twenties, I had a boyfriend whose mother was an alcoholic. They requested that the liquor stores not sell to her. I have no idea how this worked, as she was well over the legal age and not intoxicated when she was buying, but it worked for a while. The only thing I could think of is it might make things worse for Ron (make him angrier, make him look for liquor in unsavoury places, etc.)
Also..if he ever goes to buy liquor when he's under the influence, they can refuse to sell to him. You could also alert the police if he's intoxicated in public. I know you'd hate to do that, but part of it is making the addict face up to their own consequences: if he's drunk and creating a disturbance and/or drunk in public, let him face what happens with that.
Oh, I have a good support system.
The liquor store is a whore. They will take his money. I won't be the person who "meddled" either - AA says he needs to realize he has a problem, on his own.
I think Ron is somewhat exempt from laws - when the police did come out last year he was in the driveway shouting profanities at the police, and they just ignored him and left. I think people, wrongly, feel "sorry" for him, that he is "so" disabled, poor thing, of course he drinks. AGH. Accountability.
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