I just hate the journey

Depression came last night.  Happily, no paranoia or much anxiety.  "Just" a horrible hopelessness, "loss of energy", etc. - the stuff you see in the antidepressant ads.

Ron's listening to "Folsom Prison Blues".  I'm listening to "Holy War" by Whitecross.

Last night, the neighbors had a party, but it wasn't too loud or late.  Today, they brought me cake.  I thought that was nice.

For some reason, they seem really friendly lately.  They've been there for 2 years.  I'm not complaining.  They are the best of the various renters.

As I lay in bed, I got hammered with a ghastly depression.  Sometimes, it creeps up on me, like a slow flood; other times it's like a tsunami.  Boy, was it.  I can take up to 2 Wellbutrin a day.  Normally I take 1, because I can hallucinate at 2.

I fell asleep, so I guess I was OK.  I didn't sleep too well.  We finally got some rain, Ron's tarp blew off the outside of the bathroom window and made very annoying, inconsistent, drippy noises.

I'm not even trying to sound negative.  I slept pretty well, considering.  Bubba cat got in bed with me about an hour before my alarm.  Since I had given myself an extra half hour on the alarm, it was easy to hit the snooze a few times and get more snuggles.

I checked my computer (need to stop that until I have showered and done my God Time),

[Ron is singing a made-up song to the cat, it's adorable]

checked my computer, did my God Time (even though we were going to church later, I still like to get quality private time with God), then took my shower.

It was raining, pretty hard.  I decided to leave my hair in a ponytail.

Our ride came.  It was one of our favorite drivers, the one who got attacked [Ron just coaxed me into the man cave, he's petting the cat and singing another song to the tune of 'Rosanna'.  I "helped"].  I'd heard he had quit.  I was really glad to hear the gossip mill had it wrong.

I told him that, and we had a pretty good ride.  It was pouring as we got out.  I had my backpack (told you about that dream), a bag with Ron's braille Bible volume (A Braille Bible is 20 volumes), a water bottle, an insulated tote bag with our food for the potluck, etc.  Our friend came to get us and was really nice about it.

We got to church and checked out the new building.  Ron had me describe it.  I did.  It looks very nice. I got us some seats and dropped off our food for the potluck (potato salad, chicken salad, both purchased).  The service was good - still battling depression.

After church we had fun at the potluck.  The pastor came by as I pulled Ron towards me, hugging him and kissing the top of his head.  He thought that was really cute (I didn't even see the pastor).  He sat down with us for a minute and we talked.  He's a really good man - a good spiritual leader.  I haven't met many!  He prayed with us and left to circulate.

Ron hit it off with another guy who is also disabled.  They had a good time chatting.  Our friend finished up and we left.  Our ride came right after we arrived at our pickup spot.

I tried to lay down for a while when we got home, but couldn't fall asleep.  My cat had abandoned me.  So, I'll go to bed early.  It's really important to get enough sleep when depressed.

I'll get through this, the way I always do, with proper medication and God's help.  I just hate the journey.