Thank God for medication

Sometimes I'm really hard on myself.   And then I read something like this:  In the context of mental disorder, a mixed state, also known as dysphoric mania, agitated depression, or a mixed episode, is a condition during which symptoms of mania and depression occur simultaneously, such as agitation, anxiety, fatigue, guilt,impulsiveness, irritability, morbid or suicidal ideation, panic, paranoia, pressured speech and rage. Typical examples include tearfulness during a manic episode or racing thoughts during a depressive episode. One may also feel incredibly frustrated or be prone to fits of rage in this state, since one may feel like a failure and at the same time have a flight of ideas.  Mixed states are often the most dangerous period of mood disorders, during which susceptibility to substance abuse, panic disorder, commission of violence, suicide attempts, and other complications increase greatly.

And I think, well, maybe I'm doing OK.  [Source, Wikipedia "Mixed State" article]  It really sucks to be me!

Hey, I got up, went to work, managed the business, assisted my husband, AND went to the store.  I got exactly what I needed, no more, no less.  I talked to my sister - who's having a hard time physically.

I did all that, came home, and took a nap.  I can't paint the wood, it rained, and the wood got wet, but I probably would have if the weather permitted.

So, what's different?  Well, last night I was having such an awful time I did take the half Wellbutrin.  I can take up to 2 tablets a day, I only took one and a half total.

Then I got the pill splitter and cut the some more in half, going up to 1.5 tablets a day.  I took it this morning and boy did I feel it.

"I cannot brain today".  I felt foggy and disconnected.  I had a very hard time thinking.  At Walmart, I ran Ron into a couple of end caps.  He was very nice about it.  I still feel a disconnect, but that's OK, because I'm not depressed.

When my sister called, we played "Fashion Police" and she helped me pick out the "right" shoes to wear to the wedding.  I sent her a picture message and she approved them.

We came home (got a value burger for the driver) and I put away the groceries.  I was proud of the fact I had bought healthy, high-protien, low-carb food options (mainly cottage cheese and whole fat greek yogurt).  I can just take it out of the fridge and eat.  No food prep.  Yay.

I also got a few other things I needed, like more underwear.  I stayed in budget.  I am exhausted, and it's 3:30 in the afternoon.  But I'm coping.

Thank God for medication.