Overslept!

 I woke up at 6.  Thought about my options and went with a Uber.  He came pretty quick, was a nice man, good driver.  He was thrilled to get a bottle of water and some candy.

I am early to work which is what I wanted and I know Uber is viable.  I have people who can help me later but not really an early morning option.  So this is a good tool in my belt.

That did mean I didn't get to talk to my bus drivers this morning I was seeking some information.  But maybe later.

I think the boss did call in today but I will see when I clock in.  

That's it for now.

Lunch

 Boss is here.  It is exhausting working with her walking on eggshells.

Work itself isn't bad.  It is pretty quiet as everyone is broke it will be crazy the rest of the week.  I have a mild headache hoping the Excedrin will work.

I have done 8,809 steps so far today.  Yesterday I hit 20,800 or nine miles walked.

I am worried someone will read over my shoulder so that's it for now.

A Bible in one hand and a condom in the other

First I have to start this by saying most "blind" people have at least a little vision.  Some can see quite well just tunnel vision.  

One day Ron and I were on paratransit with a young female driver.  She was slender, but had ample curves, perfectly made up, nice hair, etc.  

We picked up a "blind" guy who clearly had some vision because his tongue was hanging out lusting after the driver.

He was about 30 years older than her, too.  She thought it was funny and was clearly humoring him as he tried to connect 

So he tried the religious angle, coming on Stern and fatherly asking her about her salvation, etc but it was clearly just a hook to get in her bed.  Again, she humored him, even when he asked her to sing him various gospel songs.

When we got home both Ron and I agreed we were nauseated by the guy.  Ron put it best when he said "He had a condom in one hand and a Bible in the other."

I met a guy like that yesterday.  He was only approaching younger women, not too heavy, good looking.  And me LOL.  He did not approach old women, obese women, or any men at all.  Said he had "a special blessing " and he had been"guided by the holy Spirit " as he handed over a business card and a couple of handwritten, photocopied, pages.  He was clearly trying to work an angle to get laid.

I found him sickening.  

Tuesday morning doesn't look so horrible this week

 Well I made it through Monday.  My boss ALWAYS has Monday off, but she didn't yesterday.  She popped out at me right after I clocked in.  One of the other team leads is out on some sort of leave so I think she had to cover.  

That means, I assume, she has another day off coming up but which day will it be?  I don't know I'll just have to find out.  

I actually got an "attagirl" from her yesterday (not her exact words) so I guess I am in good graces.  It was fun having a simple knitting project to work on, too.  

All new drivers yesterday that was fun.  I did up more candy for today.  

Saturday it looks like rain so I will likely go to the grocery store tomorrow, after work.  Oh, it's going to be busy.  But that way I can get the candy for the Handouts, and stuff to eat.  I will talk to Ace about it once the paycheck drops.  

I got my new bus pass yesterday, not that I need it, the old one has $26 value on it so that means it is good for a month.  But I would rather have 2 passes than pay cash every ride.  It is telling my former place of employment, the Post Office, took a week to get a single letter 20 miles.  

The plant where I used to work is in BIG trouble right now I think they are going to do a big purge on management.  It sounds like a complete cluster... I am glad I am out of there.  

I texted the other vendor but they weren't talking.  I think they were wondering if I needed something.  

That's it for now, I will text when I get to work.  

Made it to lunch

 2.5 hours when I go back, one in another department.

A girl I like was supposed to give me a lunch, was 20 minutes late coming back, got in trouble.  I don't feel bad for her.  I don't envy the boss it seems like everyone will slack off if she doesn't play policeman.

I do wonder when she has her day off, though.

I did a little knitting on my break and bought myself a ball of "neon stripes" I think they call it.  It should make a really fun cell phone holder and maybe a matching hat.

I got a big lunch and will eat the other half for dinner tonight.

That's it for now!

I am glad I changed things up (I actually talk about knitting for a change)

 I had been working on a shawl for Mom but I hated the pattern.  I started something else - knitted this time, took a few tries.  I only had a bamboo circular needle.

Now bamboo is fine but the work doesn't slide the way I like.  So I went to crafts in my store - haven't started yet - and found exactly what I needed - an aluminum circular in that size.  I knitted the project off the one needle onto the next and it is much better.

The lady who runs crafts works for the devil and tried to tell me about the half off sale on the yarn, but I ran off  

I have a rule I don't buy yarn unless I have a specific project in mind.  

That's it for now,!

Some thoughts on Executive Functions and how it affects my day to day

 Why is my house a mess?  

Well, Ron used to say the house was fine if the pathways were clear, his side of the kitchen, his shelves in the fridge, and the sofas.  

Theresa Kellerman is the foremost authority on Fetal Alcohol and she did a wonderful page on how the brain damage affects daily life for someone like me.  FAS and the brain

In my daily life I am generally far too ashamed to actually name my disorder because I don't want people to find the pages on behavior and inappropriate sexual behavior.  

Some of you act like it's a bad thing my medication killed my drive, I say it's a good thing.  I won't be stupid.  

Main FAS page, and yes I am the Heather on it.  

I literally don't know what to do.  When my stepmother was teaching me how to clean the bathroom, she had to say, use this spray here, let it sit 5 minutes, then scrub off.  Rinse the sponge.  Put Ajax on it, scrub the tiles.  Rinse.  Etc.  

So I look at my kitchen appliances everywhere where do I put them?  The cats love to hang out in the one cabinet so that's out.  I would like them more accessible than that, anyway.  And my little pantry, I need to go through it and do a good purge, I could probably put the appliances in there but when do I do this?  

Questions like that plague me.  

I have a good system for laundry, dirty clothes go on the floor in front of the washer, on my Friday night or day off I do it.  When I take it out of the dryer I hang up all the tops and fold my jeans.  Where the jeans go is another question...

Ron could never understand I really didn't know.   Homecare I got an A+.  Housekeeping I got a C minus.  That's just how my brain is wired housekeeping is just a lot harder for me than the average person.   

Is my house a hazard?  No.  Everything is "clear" I just don't know where to put things sometime, so I put them down wherever seems appropriate and then I lose them.  Then I have to tear up the house to find it.  That is probably what happened to my bus pass.  

But if I have a system, like taking my wallet and keys out of my jeans when I put them in the dirty clothes, and putting it on the front left corner of my table, I do fine.  

It's just complicated.  

Mornings like this the blog is very useful

 I woke up and thought for a while about going to church.  I had my usual morning headache which would likely dissipate with a dose of Excedrin.  

I got up and decided to try some aspirin because 1.  I have a giant bottle (long story) and 2. I am trying to cut back on the Tylenol.  I went back to bed for a while and it helped.  

Then I had to think.  I am calling the bus driver of the "Crazy Train" bus I took home from work 3x a week for a 45 minute trip, talking the whole time to me, guy, "Mike".  Mike told me he took a route that would get me after church because he couldn't get his original route back.  

That was significant, I felt.  He changed his job around just for the chance to have more contact.  He is significantly younger than me but doesn't seem to care.  He has asked me several times (not in these words) if I am still in love with my dead husband and I have told him no, I'm not.  He seemed very happy with that answer.  

And I'm not.  Ron was a drunk, womanizer, wife beater.  I am not going to pine after that for the rest of my life.  But I am burned and that gets to the crux of my post.  

Mike has basically left the door open it is up to me if I walk through it.  All I have to do is go out there when I know his bus is coming by.  Today, I wasn't ready.  I need to process before I leap into anything.  

I have 3 secrets.  You know the one secret, my diagnosis and the reason I take medication.  I have 2 others.  Any one of those, I think, would be a deal killer for any relationship and good reasons, I tell myself, to get ready to die alone.  

I battle; self esteem/humility.  Ron really did a number on me, I can't tell you how many times he called me "worthless".  That leaches into your soul no matter how many times you tell yourself otherwise.  So I think no one's going to want me if they get a good look.  On the other hand I have pride issues: I got through it all on my own, I don't need anyone's love.  

What does God want for me?  Two passages in the New Testament apply: one says younger (What is younger? My age?) widows should remarry.  Another passage says widows should stay single because they can focus on serving God.  

I don't want to make an ass out of myself like I did with Beau last year.  I don't want to walk away from someone God has for me.  

This keeps coming to mind: 

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

 

New King James Version

4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8 Love never fails.

I need to work on becoming this person no matter what happens in my life.  I am going to focus on that for now.  

If/when I see Mike again if it is apparent he is interested I will let him know I am too, but I have issues.  By "interested" ask for my phone number or something like that.  

That's it for now.   

I found it!

 Two weeks ago I went to the grocery store, came home, on a Saturday.  Early Monday morning I got on my first bus and my pass was missing.  

I tore the house up but could not find it.  I was paying up to $6.25 a day on a "per ride" basis rather than just $1.25 for the whole day.  

This morning I opened this: 

And found my bus pass in the bottom of the box.  I have NO idea how it got there.  Maybe it fell out of my shirt pocket?  Was I sleep walking again?  I don't know.  

I used to sleep walk a lot as a kid.  One time I wandered off on a camping trip and my chaperone found me in the middle of the night, near a cliff, looking for the outhouse.  Another time I woke up the whole dorm on a church retreat with some sort of panic attack, looking for my glasses.  At home I would wander around, fix food, have conversations.  My sister once had me write a note.  After we bought the house; the master bedroom has a sliding glass door with burglar bars.  I left the burglar bars unlocked and open because I was going in and out a lot for my garden.  One day I woke up and my feet hurt, I looked and the soles were very dirty.  As near as I could figure I must have gone out in the middle of the night walking around the yard.  I locked the bars after that, would leave them open while working in the yard and then close and lock again before I went to sleep every night.  

Most likely I dropped it putting up my groceries.  I hope.  I did buy a neck wallet at work it's on a lanyard, I will just wear that from now on.  

That's it for now.  

Saturday morning

 We are getting a lot of people at the store, from various countries, who don't speak a word of English but are sporting a massive attitude.  One tried to get me in trouble last night for doing my job, but when they rolled the video and talked to the man in detail they realized I was doing what they pay me to do and no more.  So I was fine and they chased him off.  He wanted "compensation".  

Another guy asked my friend to open the fitting room because his migrant grandson had just gotten over the border and didn't have any clothes, came in the store at 7:30 PM.  She let him, I would not.  The boy was taller than me, not naked, what he was wearing when he came in looked fine and he could have worn it to the store tomorrow to try on clothes.  Not worth my job but it wasn't my call.  

So that is challenging.  I guess I feel like if you're coming here for a fresh start in life - and I am totally down with that, there can be horrible obstacles, famine, persecution, etc., you need to leave the attitude at home as 98% of Americans WANT to help you have a good start.  Especially with tired, underpaid, retail workers.  We are just trying to get by, too.  

And I am happy with how I worded that.  I don't believe in an us vs them mentality.  We all come from God, we all want the same things, we all go in the same grave or urn when we die.  

I don't want to be buried, by the way, it gives me the creeps.  I have told ALL my family that.  If it was up to my sister she probably wouldn't, my brother would probably put my urn on his headboard next to several of his closest friends.  I'm not sure what my parents and aunt would do aside from get me in the urn, what they'd do after is anyone's guess.  

I was a little frustrated yesterday at work.  This pay period has been very tight for me I had additional transportation expenses; many, many bills; etc.  I am actually putting all my work snacks on the credit card.  So yesterday one of my coworkers comes up to me asking for money for someone's goodbye party.  We don't get paid until next week; if they wanted money for this they should have asked a week or so ago when everyone was flush.  I checked the only cash I had and I don't have enough to pay for my rides to work until I get paid again.  So I said no.  She got really nasty but I live alone and work at Walmart.  I'm not going to have it.  

I'm sorry if she thinks I am "mean" I don't have it.  She has a boyfriend to help pay the bills I do not.  

By the way I am fine with that.  But it was SO funny to see Beau.  He came right up wanted to hug me, etc.  He never wanted to touch me before.  

It's not the same but it reminds me of something that happened in 1992.  

From about 1987 to 1991 I knew a boy in my church youth group.  Even as a teenager he had bad knees, thinning hair, and a pot belly.  But he was very sweet.  He was one of those genius intelligence guys who wasn't ugly with it.  He would just mention in passing he was really happy he did well on his AP chemistry exam, that sort of thing.  I fell hard for him.  He had a good faith too.  But he was going places and I was not.  

I gave him a note in about 1990 letting him know I was interested.  He showed it to his Mom which I found very embarrassing.  He didn't respond but continued to be nice to be so I figured he didn't like me "like that".  

Our church was fracturing and my parents were on the verge of leaving when Valentine's day hit in 1991, he gave me something right before I left youth group that night.  It was a Valentine's card basically saying "I'm interested in you" with 2 conversation hearts taped into it, one said "Be Mine" and the other said "UR Sweet".  I was over the moon but then my parents stopped attending the church, I didn't have his number, I didn't drive and he was no where near the bus line.  

Also I felt like he was going places, going to do things, here I was this crazy damaged kid who would just drag him down.  So I did't pursue it.  

My parents went to the other church for about a year.  I met Ron in this period.  

This was about the time the Special Ed program I was in wouldn't "let" me graduate because they wanted to get a new computer.  My new church had "senior Sunday" one week and my parents realized that would be salt in the wound if they forced me to attend, so they had my older stepbrother take me back to the old church for one week.  

My brother got there early and went off in search of donuts so I sat on one of the couches, thinking, Chris came in and ran over to me on the couch, sat down very close next to me asking me a million questions.  He held my hand during the prayer time, and after it was over asked me if he could take me out for breakfast.  

But I had already met Ron so I said no.  Ron always felt threatened by the first guy I dated but he should have been a lot more worried about Chris, if things had been right I would have left Ron for Chris.  

I felt a little like that with Beau yesterday.  The last 2 times Beau saw me he asked if I had candy.  I will call the bus driver Mike.  Mike is happy to get candy but doesn't ask if I don't have it.  When I saw Beau yesterday I kept making comparisons and Beau didn't look too good.  I thought that was funny.  

I will be friendly with Beau but that is it.  

That's it for now.  

I feel like I was inoculated

 So today I was doing the grocery zone like I do, helping customers, and I hear a familiar voice.  

It is Beau.  He made a point of telling me he is coming back to the store.

And I didn't care.  I kept comparing him to the bus driver, in my head.

Some good news, I think

 If I understand correctly the one boss only works until 4.

Lots of new distribution today and one familiar face.  We both laughed over that, she is a very nice driver.  

The crazy train was a big yawn going to work today I found that interesting.  My friend works today that will be fun.

It's going to be a long day but hopefully a good one.

That's it for now.  

Not for the squeamish, this hits all the ick buttons

 My cycle is erratic so I like to wear a cup or cloth pad every day.  The cloth pad also has the benefit of catching light bladder leaks due to coughing, when I was sick this winter.  So today I had a light cloth pad.  

I went to the bathroom every couple of hours no problem.  Then I went and my pad was gone.  What?  Oh God please tell me it did not fall out of my pants leg as I was walking around the store.  I finished and stood up, the pad was in the toilet.  

This is a pad I had an issue losing it before, it fell on the floor in my bathroom.  I think it just has a bad snap.  I have never had an issue with any of my other pads.  

Our toilet is on auto flush so I had about 10 seconds to decide: but I knew if it flushed the pad would clog the toilet and one of our very nice maintenance people would have to deal with the mess.  

I had urinated.  So I reached into the toilet and grabbed the pad right as it flushed.  The pad had a surprising amount of water which is one reason I am fond of these things.  Also it is a softer, squishier, experience for my privates than a disposable pad.  I threw it in the little tampon trash can which happily has a lid.  So no one could see my poor bedraggled, brightly colored, pad.  

Then I washed my hands VERY well at the sink!  

That's it for now.  

I didn't expect that response

 So last night I was talking to the "nice" (really) team lead who has always been very curious about my life.  

I told her a little about how I met Ron and that went OK.  So last night she was asking about my family of origin.  

You will scream, but I told her a large part of it.  That my mother was so neglectful she lost custody, etc.  She didn't say much.

When I came in today both team leads were talking , also some other associates.  The nice one said "Oh we were just talking about you". I wasn't sure what that meant.  

BUT they both have been very nice today.  I don't think it will last but it is a nice break.

So I am not sorry.  I did not tell her My Big Secret no one needs to know that.  But I think I said "enough" to explain why I may be "off" or "stupid" sometimes.  

I did not mention FAS or brain damage.

Not that they ever called me stupid but the tone of voice sometimes...

A pack of dogs this time

 Including a husky and a very serious looking medium sized brown dog with a huge jaw.  Of course the brown dog followed me 1/4 mile.  I was glad I had my stick!

There were I think 3 little dogs but they moved on.  That was a tense walk!  The bus driver said she had seen them roaming around all morning.

Dull.  I hope work is dull.

I would have been so embarrassed.

 I got up, got ready, and "something" told me to check my schedule.  I did and I start at 12, not the 11 I had assumed.  I felt very foolish.  

So I get an extra hour to myself.  I am not going to let my day revolve around is the boss there and what is her mood, that is making her an idol and putting pleasing her above pleasing God.  I will say it is sad she does not have one employee I would term motivated or enthusiastic.  

That said, when does she go home?  How long will I see her today?  I don't know.  I found it telling, during the meeting, the other one said "You all need to do X" and then 3 minutes later she said "Heather will be doing X".  And the employees were looking around like, what is it?  Does Heather do it or do we?  I think she meant to say "Heather will be point on this, and you all will assist as needed".  

Communication!  Another survey dropped they want us to fill it out.  I do not believe the survey is anonymous because we have to log in to complete it.  I'm not going to take a chance.  But oh, the exit interview if I ever leave.  

And I was thinking last night if I did get a big windfall I would not stay at Walmart.  I wouldn't be doing evangelism either, not much, so I don't think God would "let" me win.  I do think maybe I should buy a lotto ticket at the gas station by work.  Maybe the devil would make me win so I would shut up.  LOL  

Whatever happens to me is God's will, though.  

I still have half an hour before I have to leave, I could get used to this.  This schedule is only one week and one reason I have tried to cram as much evangelism as possible because I will likely never see these people again.  I don't worry so much about the 4:25 after work going home.  They are all important, though, but some I will only see once.  

That's why I never complain when they change my schedule or a bus breaks down and I have to catch a later one: new recipients.  

She almost made it

 My boss was halfway decent for most of the day but snapped at me about half an hour before she left.

I have given some thought to how I present myself and decided I need to step up my game, do an upper lip (!) Treatment, better hair, get my teeth cleaned when the insurance comes through.  Clothes I think are OK 

But if I dress and comport myself as a victim guess what I'll be?  That's right!  So I need to work on that.  Now the boss goes after very seasoned and put-together employees I don't think it will stop but I'll feel better about myself.  

I also need to realize I represent Jesus to a lot of people so that should be a thought as well.  

Some team lead is taking his lunch in here with his work radio blasting it is very annoying.  

Oh I hear rumors they are going to increase us to $18 an hour that would be very nice if true.  We will see.  

Made it to work

 It wasn't raining too bad but some very ominous clouds moving in.  I managed to beat it.  The bayous were very full and there was some street flooding as well.  

I think (pray) the challenging boss gets off at 4 today which would be great.

I was bad I found out the McDonald's fixed the ice cream machine so I had a 10,000 carb gram shake.  I figure that will hold me a while.  

I handed out most of the candy I brought and got more $1 bills to pay my bus fares.  I will be glad when I get my card it is tiresome to pay cash for every ride.

A creep in a white pickup thought it would be "funny" to drench me with water as I stood at the bus stop.  I am still pretty wet and cold but not enough to buy new clothes.

That's it for now 

Wednesday morning

 According to the Fitbit I got 8 hours of sleep so I will hopefully be sharper today.  I did wake up a couple times, once during a BAD thunderstorm and unplugged my computer, another time I had a headache so I took some Excedrin and went back to bed.  If I have a bad headache, Excedrin puts me out.  

My first devotional today was all about not taking offense when someone attacks you which is not encouraging.  But we will see, it might be fine.  It is raining I would say moderately; not the gusty thunderstorms we can get but more of a steady rain.  

The cats are good, Biscuit is a cozy boy on the bed, I don't know where Cleo went, and Spotty is in the chair I use for Bible study.  I got them treats.  

I am not giving them the distilled water anymore because their favorite seems to be tap water out of a bucket.  Who am I to object?  At least they are drinking.  

And, yes, they have water bowls.  

I don't know what I'm doing for food today.  Yesterday I ate some keto bread (high fiber) and I had really bad cramps last night.  The bread was also somewhat stale.  I can do better than that I just need to figure it out.  

We have trash pickup today but I don't think I have enough to justify taking it out to the street; I can wait.  

That's it for now.  

I don't know what to say to this

 Work has been OK they didn't want to let me take my lunch.

Sitting in the break room a very put together and efficient employee just came back in tears over something the boss said to her.

It's not just me.

For some reason, I just hate Tuesdays

 Ron was actually run over on a Tuesday.  

I had a hard time getting up, in part because the difficult boss will be there today for at least a few hours.  Not looking forward to that.  

It's raining, I have to ride the bus.  I have to pay cash to ride the bus.  My bus pass has not arrived yet.  Hoping today.  The cats kept going out yesterday/last night and my floor is covered in muddy paw prints.  They are adorable but I will definitely have to mop when the rain moves out.  

I also have a moderate headache.  I am debating what to take for it.  

I am very confused about the one bus driver because, as a report on me said once many years ago "Heather is extremely naive and trusting" and boy I hated that when I read it.  But it's true.  In a lot of ways I am an innocent to the whole dating thing.  

I mean, if he shows up at the store I'll know he's interested but short of that I don't know that stuff.  

Does God want me single?  That is the ultimate question.  I could go either way but leaning toward single, to be honest, which may surprise you given some of my posts.  But single is simpler.  

Not to mention Ron did an Armegeddon on my emotions.  He did just about everything wrong.  I don't believe another man would do *all that* but even 1 or 2 things.  God knows I do not want another drinker.  Or verbal abuse, I get enough of that at work from the boss and the customers.  

That's it for now. 

On lunch

 Stern boss is off today and the one who was supposed to cover had "an emergency". I went ahead and took my lunch a little early while I had backup.  

One employee came in clearly sick I am Not Happy about that, but she is wearing a mask.  I shouldn't have much contact with her.  It is raining heavily off and on so it will be interesting to see what awaits me at home.

I am hoping to get my bus pass tomorrow or Wednesday.  I will save significantly when it does come.  In the meantime I don't mind paying for each ride I just see it going to upkeep and the drivers.  

I had some healthy types today that didn't want candy so I need to figure out an alternative or if I even want to try.  

McDonald's continues to give me HOT (small) fries it really made my lunch.  That's it for now.  

God save us, that was a terrible ride

 First bus was uneventful except he wouldn't let me pay.  He did take the candy 

Second bus "I have never driven this route before".  It showed.  Suffice it to say, we got to the transit center late!  I haven't been that happy to get off a bus in a while.  She seemed totally overwhelmed and she had literally 3 passengers.  I hope today gives her time to adjust.

Last bus driver had seniority and kept her route.  

It rained but not hard and I was glad I did not pay for a ride.

The store is supposed, according to my app, to have 118 packages of crock pot liners but I couldn't find them.  I looked in Chemicals and in Housewares.  Oh well I will worry about that when I get home.

I have a moderate headache but I can take something in about an hour.  In the meantime I am drinking a very cold Diet Dew 

That's it for now.  

Depression

 I did NOT sleep well last night I could not drop off and when I did I couldn't stay asleep.  I was really bothered wanting to find something so I got up and looked for it, did not find it, but did grab Ron's feather quilt and threw that on the bed.  

I am down with (pardon the pun) loading up the bed with layers of covers as that means I feel warm and cozy without running up the utilities.  

I don't remember my dreams but they weren't good.  

I got up and weighed myself only to realize to my horror I had gained 5 pounds.  Not what I wanted to see!  

Biscuit was good, he was nice and cozy in the bed.  I took my antidepressant and a multivitamin.  

Some days are just hard.  I have been thinking a lot about that bus driver and I don't think it would work for a lot of reasons.  But he is so sweet and seems fascinated by anything I say which is very appealing.  I am going to miss him.  

When the weather gets a little warmer I do plan to go back to church and I will likely see him again (he said he deliberately took a route that should bring me home from church).  We will see. I am not saying no but I am saying it doesn't seem probable.  

I need to take my shower.  I'm going to warm up the bathroom first.  

On the plus side I had enough pay to cover all the bills plus a little lunch money for the week.  But today I plan to finish off the rotisserie chicken and freeze the carcass so I can make soup out of it.  

I was thinking about Love Languages recently and concluded I am mainly Gifts (which makes me feel mercenary to say) and Quality Time but also words and touch.  I don't think my boss getting in my face and jabbing me with a finger counts as touch!  But it's like no one touches me now, just the cats.  I guess that is a widow thing.  When my aunt comes she gives me lots of hugs but I think she is either more quality time or acts of service, the day Ron died, when they took his body and she could come in the house, she cleaned the whole house for me.  

You could say Biscuit is spoiled.  He has a box in my bedroom (litter), a box in the orange room, and a box of clumping litter in the front room.  He likes the clumping litter for his poops.  Then he also has a box of crystal litter in the front room which he uses for urine.  He loves to pee in there.  It is easy to take care of the box so I don't mind.  The litter isn't cheap but it is good for a month or so.  

The rain's started so it will be a cold and wet commute.  I do hope my new bus pass comes quick.  

Interesting: I had way more water pressure in my shower this morning to the point I was actually running out of hot water.  I can only figure the last time I turned the water off I did not turn it on 100%.  I do remember last time (not a few days ago) it was very hard to get back on for some reason.  At any rate it was certainly invigorating.  I had a good shower and even got my legs shaved.  

Then I did my God Time.  Spotty and Biscuit were hanging out with me until they got into a fight in my lap.  They still got treats; Spotty is jut not good at boundaries.  

I did up a dozen bags of candy to hand out that should be sufficient.  I don't know what I am doing for lunch probably McDonald's.  That's it for now.  

Well today was instructive

 Last week I knew cold weather was coming, prepared for it.  I wore 2 pair wool socks, 2 pair long underwear bottoms, long underwear top with a sweater and multiple coats, a wool hat, and an 8 foot long purple wool scarf I found at a thrift shop.  And I was basically OK although I could have used a second hat, as well.  

Last I read the weather it was going to be 50 today, so I dressed for that, sweatpants, t shirt, wool blend socks (not high percentage wool like last week), and my parka just to try it out.  I wore my wool hat because it seemed chilly when I took the plant covers off.  

And I froze to death today.  It was low 40's with a windchill so felt like 30's.  All new drivers today because virtually ALL of them got a new route today.  Two were very early and one was late.  I spent a lot of time outside shivering.  

The grocery store was appreciably warmer which let me relax a little.  I got my groceries and came home.  

I mentioned the gas station to my last driver and told her how dark it is in the morning.  If I understood correctly, she said she is the first bus coming that way in the morning on week days so I told her to look for me M-W.  She said OK and I said thank you.  

I am really glad I met her ahead of time.  

Good news about tomorrow: likely boss is off, I don't have to start until noon, and I have a ride home with Ace.  The budget is tight but I managed to make that work.  

I was really happy I wanted to spend at or less than $40 and I did that at the grocery store.  And I found a very nice beef shank.  I have half a roast chicken I picked up Friday night.  I was really tired and it made a great dinner: I just ate it Ron-style like a barbarian with my bare hands.  I ate about half of it.  I am saving the skin, bones, and gristle.  I can make veggie soup out of it.  Between that and the beef shank I will have veggie soup for days (I have plenty of veggies).  That will be two different soups, by the way.  

The grocery store has some very nice Vaseline lip balms.  It is a firm stick not a tube of salve.  I got 2 different kinds, one has a little bit of a pink tint (and a slight floral aroma) and the other is a cocoa butter formula.  They are 87 cents each at the store, a very nice stick of balm.  Let me see if I can find a link.  

These are the 2 I have

It's good stuff and worth a mention.  I've never done ads here because it would make me feel like a whore but I will give you a heads up on good products I encounter.  

I wish at times I could talk about what I actually DO at Walmart but I don't dare.  I will say I really enjoy helping customers.  Like that sweet old widow who had come out of the house for the first time in a year since her husband died.  Her, I hugged.  Go ahead and fire me for that she needed a hug, and I could tell by the way she kept reaching for me her love language was touch.  

I ask God to make me more observant about people around me and hopefully I will be, I want to catch things like that.  

That's it for now.  

Ode to a sleeping bag

 I was a troubled kid with a lot of baggage.  One thing "the experts" suggested were extracurriculars, so my parents enrolled me in tap classes and also Girl Scouts.  With Girl Scouts came camping trips so Mom bought me a sleeping bag, it had a beige flannel lining and a hunter green nylon exterior.  It was very cozy on those winter camping trips even though it was just a basic model.  

(This is one reason I bought sleeping bags when the water cleanup specialists took all my bedding when the cleared out the house)

So youth group trips, Girl Scouts, I took the bag on all those overnight things.  It was very warm and also easy to carry.  It had enough padding to make those hard floors comfortable when I went on the mission trips to Mexico.  

I had a lot of trouble sleeping as a teenager so, in the winter, I spread the sleeping bag over the mattress, slept on that with my covers on top, window cracked open even in winter for fresh air, radio playing, of all things, basketball games.  For some reason the sportscaster always lulled me to sleep.  

My Dad was (I hate to say it) instrumental in a very large church split at my home church when I was 17 and he left the church, went to another one.  They had a high school youth group camping trip and I took my sleeping bag of course.  

The man who unloaded the van put my sleeping bag in a big puddle of oil, ruining it, when we got back to the church.  I threw it out - there was no saving it.  I missed it.  

Ron had an old sleeping bag and we put it over the mattress like I had at "home" and it made our little studio a lot cozier.  And I got more sleeping bags when we had the pipe break - they had to take the drywall between the house and the garage, my bedroom and the garage to be specific, and it was very, very, cold.  Ron could shut his door but I was stuck.  I zipped 2 sleeping bags together and put another one (I got the $10 ones) on top with a couple of blankets and that did the job.  

Currently I have a sleeping bag on the mattress and one on the top but not zipped together, in addition to my usual blankets, as my quilt is falling apart and really only useful for warming plants, these days.  

But I still miss my old bag.  

Biscuit hit Gotcha Day #9

 On January 17 I knew it was around now.  

Here's what he looked like about an hour after I brought him home (Ron's foot).  

He was only about 2 pounds, at 5 months old.  Not for long!  

He's a very good boy and I love him so.  

Interesting day so far

 I went to do my usual grocery zone (clean up and make presentable) today and the manager pulled me off, had me do another assignment.  Then had me help stock lunch meats for an hour.  He must have cleared it with my boss she didn't peep.  

So far she has left me alone today but another employee said she was (feeling persecuted) so maybe boss got it out of her system.  Or I may go back to a firestorm.  

I think I have a lot of empathy and that can make it hard for me at times.

I plan to get a few small things after work.  I go back at 7:07, the boss leaves at 8, I clock out at 9 and get picked up about a half hour later 

My friend said the Nature's Miracle did wonders on her apartment (she has an intact male cat).  I am really happy for her.  I only had to use it once and that was over 4 years ago. 

That's it for now 

Friday morning

 I didn't sleep well and I woke up with a nasty headache.  I believe it is either/and the cup of noodles last night, the cold front moving in today/ stress.  

My boss was off last Friday and I am really hoping she is today too.  Her "stick" approach is demoralizing and exhausting.  But every time I'm ready to tell her off, throw my vest on the floor, and walk out, God shows me a very hurting and beaten woman.  She would be horrified to know I see her that way.  I am working on the resume this weekend.  

3 days a week for months, I have ridden the bus with "Mike" the driver of the "crazy train".  He basically told me he could not get "my" route again but he did get the route, he thinks (It is the correct route but the time?) I get coming home from church.  This is really horrible motivation for going to church, to see him again maybe.  He is not saved but he did say he would be praying for me.  It would be nice to see him again.  

I really like riding with him and also with Ace as they are nice, sympathetic men and very good listeners.  I think that is OK even though they are not saved.  

I bought some nice chocolate candy and conversation hearts for my drivers today, it's the last time I will see them.  I may bump into them now and then but not every week like I do now.  And they are all wonderful people I will miss.  

Metro bus does a very good job of hiring lovely people as drivers.  They are skilled, they are kind.  They love a little bag of candy.  They have been a blessing to me.  

So Spotty and I have a routine that will enhance good habits for me: he is very affectionate during my Bible Study.  The rest of the day, much like his sister, he's more aloof.  But if I'm sitting in that chair with a book in my lap he is all over me rubbing and purring.  Cleo is more aloof except when I am in bed, then she is cuddly.  

My head is killing me but I did take another Excedrin, that should hold me 'till 1.  

That's it for now!  

I made it

 I thought it was interesting, the boss' chief snitch for the night shift was telling her about Maria's long absences, hour long breaks, 2 hour lunches, etc. and boss was pretty irked.  So hopefully the focus will turn to Maria "shaping her up" and leave me alone.  

She is very poor at training.  Then she gets angry the work isn't getting done.  This is endemic to the whole store: a profound lack of equipment even things like gloves and tape, are hidden away, stashed in lockers, etc.  One department steals equipment from another.  We have these huge carts with a ladder built into the side, they're called "topstock carts".  There is such a theft problem with the carts people were bringing them into the breakroom on their lunches.  To paraphrase the employee survey I "do not have the tools needed to do my job" and I always give them a failing mark on that.  

The other team lead seemed happy with the work I did.  I only work 6 hours tomorrow praise God.  

Ace was right on time, I think he was waiting.  He came and got me, took me home.  I like to chatter on my ride home, the one bus driver and I always chatted, much to the displeasure of the other passengers.  I also chat with Ace.  

Oh I almost forgot.  My third bus this morning was going down a busy street and we were chatting, female bus driver.  All of a sudden the bus lurches to the side and she screams.  A guy almost hit the bus head-on.  

I called Metro bus and told them I wanted to put in a compliment could they help?  And within 2 minutes someone was taking it.  They asked if they could "use my name" so it may be published.  I am OK with that.  They were so excited to get a compliment for a change.  

I thought it was very sweet when I got home, all 3 cats met me at the door, then I realized the food bowl was empty!  

I forget if I mentioned it but I uncovered my plants.  About half of the Lemon Verbena is frost-blasted but the base and most of the stems look really good, the quilt was a good call.  The mint is fine, I buried it in mulch and then covered it with the quilt which I had tacked down all around the garden bed (all 3 plants are in the one bed) with bricks.  The jasmine is like "What freeze?" it looks fantastic.  I put a cardboard box over it, with a quilt on top, and a brick on the box to hold it down.  

I wanted some comfort food so I made a cup of noodles when I got home.  I have a couple different flavors, I went with beef.  

That's it for now.   

Metro bus makes it much easier to give a compliment

 I had a really sweet driver.  All of a sudden she let out a scream and jerked the bus to one side.  Some idiot driving the wrong way.

We were fine, though.  I called customer service and told them; they immediately transferred me to the "resolution" number that picked up in about a minute.  The lady who took that call was delighted to have a happy customer.  I meant to, but forgot to ask, what percentage of the calls are positive.

So that was a nice start to my day.  I also had one driver very touched by the candy and almost didn't take it.  So I told him "I am the candy Lady" and he grinned and took it.  I have been told the drivers talk about me I guess that proves it.  Hopefully saying nice things.  

I have decided to be a blessing to everyone today.  Don't repay evil for evil.  I can do it if I remember to let God fill me up but you can bet I am working on that resume this weekend.  

I don't think she's right...

 Mentally.  If I didn't know better I would swear my boss is bipolar.  At one point she was acting manic - she was definitely acting manic today.  All week, actually.  

First I did not sleep well but it was my fault.  I ate cereal for dinner, it had a lot of fiber so I had cramping and bloating because I'm not used to that.  

Ace got me and I had an uneventful ride to work.  As I walked in my boss was talking to another employee.  She does this - a lot of oversharing, in public, with associates (below her on the food chain) or equals.  Today it was an equal.  She was ranting about "church ladies" which I think she meant hypocrites who go to church.  Kept going on about how one backstabbed her mother when (boss) was a kid.  It was very awkward just passing her.  

[thinking later it is possible she follows me on Facebook - I would if I were an employer - saw something about my faith and it pushed her button]

After I clocked in she went off on me.  Before I left she "wanted to see what I did" and I showed her.  She said that wasn't good enough and why hadn't I done X?  I told her I didn't have the equipment.  For some jobs the employee needs a handheld computer called a TC-70. The job she had for me would have also required a printer.  We didn't have any TC's, I reminded her.  We didn't have any printers.  She argued with me and said there was one.  I said yes, but it didn't have a battery.  "There's a battery on the charger" "It is dead" she made a sour face at that but even she had to admit I can't do a job without equipment.  She stormed off.  

The other girl was supposed to work today and then have a 2 week vacation, which is why I was getting all the extra hours next week (Ace is licking his lips over all those rides home).  She called in, getting a "bonus" day for herself.  So now the night shift is screwed.  

I guess I could have stayed an extra couple hours and called a cab home but not after being treated like that.  I am a human being and my faith only covers so much.  

I did not - unlike some employees, go off on her when she was getting in my space and poking me with her finger this morning.  I notice she didn't do that around the other employees.  I believe it was Ace said "She's a bully" and he's right.  

I am not afraid of her.  And I will look into McDonald's there are 2 within minutes of my house so that would be an EASY commute.  Also one of them just had a big ad on their electronic sign about how Claudia just made 20 years at the store - so they must treat people right.  It will be less pay but I wouldn't have to pay for rides home.  

I do need to seek God's will.  

I'm not impulsive at work

 But not happy to have the boss in my face, poking me with her finger and making threats.  I think I am about done here 

I'm going to work on my resume this weekend.

What caused all this?  I told her I didn't know how to do what she was asking and asked for training.  

It's 20 degrees out

 My walls have no insulation.  I'm leaving the water off.  

I had a sponge bath this morning with the "No rinse" stuff.  I remember how I felt after Ron's accident, I would watch the nurses and nurse aides, offer to help, because I would be doing all this for him when he came home.  The first time he moved to a new floor they brought him a nice warm packet of comfort bath wipes.  He loved it.  The cloths were soft and warm.  

The next time they brought in a dishpan full of soapy, tepid, water, and a handful of old wash cloths.  What happened to the comfort bath?  Oh, your insurance won't pay for that.  

(I looked it up online they were $10 a pop so I couldn't afford them either!) So Ron got a much rougher, colder, bath which he hated.  

I did bring in some wet wipes which they loved for the diaper changes and I was told they wished all the families would do this, as I assisted rolling him back and forth.  

This was so long ago they had a paper chart and I had them put a note in the front of the chart asking for training on how to care for Ron.  The nurse aide would come in for the day, shoulders squared, a gleam in her eye.  "Mrs. B" they would tell me "We're going to learn how to do TRANSFERS today!" and I would learn.  

Ron recovered to the point he could take tub baths for many years and he did that.  He loved our garden tub.  One day, though, he lost his balance getting out of the tub and smacked his head on the edge of the tub as he went down.  I still don't know how he escaped further brain damage.  As I got him up (not bleeding, either) we both agreed that was the end of the tub bath.  

But that meant I had to clean him in bed and I wasn't doing the soapy water in the dishpan.  I did some research and bought the No Rinse brand bath.  You take a gallon or so of warm water, put in a squirt (they suggest a capful but one squirt is about the same), swish it around, clean up from clean areas to dirtiest.  I use a couple of washcloths for the process.  Ron was happy.  I was happy.  He was clean and fresh.  I gave all of it away after Ron died for some reason but realized over the years I could use it again for myself, for times like today when I have to leave my water turned off.  

I did think how much that bath would have sucked without electricity to warm the water (microwave) and run the space heater in my tiny bathroom.  I wasn't dirty but this was practice and washing me is pretty much the same as washing Ron was, just a different angle.  

But I'm glad I had it.  Not much I could do about my hair but everyone at work was wearing a hat, anyway, so I'll just do that.  

That's it for now.

I didn't sleep great

 I got paid today but I have to do the budget and that will be grim.  I can't find my bus pass so I need to buy a new one.  

Thoughts on that: I am thinking I have to go downtown and back, about a 5 hour trip and have to take a day off to do it, to get another "disabled" pass so I will likely just get a standard pass online and have that shipped to my house.  That's a lot easier than going somewhere for it even though places do sell them.  The advantage on that I can tell them how much value to put on the card.  

But then I think I likely dropped the old pass on the bus Saturday and maybe they will mail it to me (the card has my information in their computer), maybe I just need to be patient and wait a few days.  

Then utility bills.  I am concerned about the gas bill that was a big hassle getting that paid last month.  The cold weather threw me for a loop I had to pay for more rides, etc., buy lunch at work because I had no water at home, etc.  I don't think I made any "bad" calls on that but it was an expense.  More money for the Houston economy.  

I do feel bad, I thought I had an extra chocolate bar that Ace likes but I can't find it.  I will look again.  I didn't sleep well as I said but I was warm and the cats were safe.  

I didn't take my antidepressant yesterday because I had a headache and I have found the medication can flip me into a migraine.  I also stupidly thought I didn't "Need" Excedrin and took a naproxen instead.  It did OK for a while but I had to take Excedrin by 10.  

Biscuit is snoring on the couch next to my chair being adorable.  He is a good boy.  

That's it for now.  

Overall I'm giving Metro bus a D for information services

 I did get the text message last night and the Facebook this morning: no service.  Fine.  They said they would let us know by 9 AM when/if service would come back.  They did not.  Just now (a few minutes ago) they said it would be normal service tomorrow, but another post said some buses were running all day today.  That's very confusing for me.  I mean, I screw it up I'm outside in the dark in subzero weather waiting for a bus that's not coming.  

In my opinion there should have been a clear message this morning stating which routes were running, if any, and when they expected to bring my routes back.  I have signed up for route alerts so anything on the X route I get a notification; send me one saying "this route will start at 10 AM Wednesday".  

No it was very vague.  Now I think I am a nice person and I do know I have good friends so I had rides.  And I will have a ride to work in the morning.  

I am a little sad as tomorrow is the last day I will see the one driver I talk to every day after work.  We talk enough that the other passengers shout at us to stop!  That has never happened to me.  It is all clean subjects.  Some on my faith.  I don't think I will see him again.  But you never know.  Walmart does adjust my hours now and then.  Next week for instance it is all 12-8 oh I need to talk to Ace about that tomorrow!  

When I got to work my boss stopped what she was doing, gaped at me in a very unflattering manner, and said "I didn't expect to see you today!"  I told her I got a ride, I have good friends.  "Still" she said "Well," I replied "I used to supervise people when my husband had his deli, and I know the chaos it causes when someone doesn't show up"  She agreed with me and I went on to go buy my diet Dew.  

She picked at me for a while after I clocked in, micromanaging, etc. but finally went away and bothered someone else.  I had a pretty good day but she is not good at training.  I had to keep asking questions and I still don't know how to do it.  She kept taking the handheld computer away from me and doing things.  How am I supposed to learn if you don't teach me?  I sound like "Gangsta's Paradise" 

I went to the deli on my lunch and it was closed.  Well, crap.  2 managers standing around.  They said over 50 people called out today including the entire deli staff.  McDonald's was still open so I went there.  When it was time for the grocery zone the potato chip aisle had been wiped out.  There was a guy from Frito Lay frantically stocking so I left him to it and worked on the other parts of my assignment.  

This morning I realized I had done well arranging a ride to work, in advance, but I never planned for a stoppage of bus service and I had no ride home.  Ace was able to help but I could have gotten stuck.  So I went ahead and arranged a ride to work tomorrow - it's going to be 20 degrees and 13 or so mph wind.  Not really my idea of a good time.  Yes, I did it Monday but once is enough.  

I did find it funny how many stayed home today, having cars, and I went to work on the bus Monday when we had the precipitation and the winter weather.  I shudder to think of the heating bill though.  

That's it for now.  

Half the store didn't come in today

 My department is pretty well staffed.  I have made it to the halfway point.  Glad I have a ride home today.  

It feels like four degrees outside, right now.

 I was fine last night.  Houston, at least my part, did not have any outages.  My water is still turned off, and, importantly, I have all the cabinets and access panels open so warm air can circulate around the pipes.  

The cats are not happy with the weather but I'm keeping the litter box scooped a couple times a day.  Someone, Biscuit I think, is using it.  My other two idiots are probably going outside.  

My trash can is frozen shut.  So far that's the only inconvenience today.  A friend is coming to get me so I got to sleep in later which was great.  It was funny, I woke up at 4 like, "What?!" and then I remembered.  

The bus company is shut down for now but will reevaluate at 9, they say.  If it doesn't start again I will go with either my friend, Ace, or Jack.  Failing that there is another work friend.  And more than once my boss has said to other employees that she would give them a ride and she is probably dying to see where I live.  Failing that if I wave a $20 around the breakroom and say 'It's only 5 miles" I will probably get a taker so I will take a chance.  

But I think the bus will run again.  I will probably go with Ace though if I can.  I saw him last night when I was at my last bus stop, he drove down the street on the other side and I recognized his cab.  If I hadn't his cab # is painted on the side and it was him.  So he's out in this.  

I am going to have a horrific bill next month but I will worry about that later.  Happily this is only 3 days so we will be back to the 50's by the weekend.  

That's it for now!  

I got home OK

 I still can't find my bus pass, I must have dropped it on the bus Saturday.  

Went to and from work in feels like 13-14 degrees.  Got my shower and cut off my water.  I will turn it on again when it warms up.  The cats are all inside having a good time under the heater vent 

Oh, and I started my cycle 

On lunch

 It has been pretty quiet.  I poked my head out.  It is overcast and bitterly cold.  Should be an interesting ride home.  

I think I can do it on the bus.  I have the advantage I grew up in Zone 4 I think it is - nasty cold winters for months every year - so this isn't "new".  I used to cry to be allowed out in that weather!  Hard to believe!  

I just hope I did a good job covering the plants.  I will find out late Wednesday to Thursday.  

I do hope I can figure out my hand warmer.  I couldn't get it going this morning.  

That's it for now.

Made it to work

 I can't find my bus pass but I had a couple of dollars to pay the fare.

On my last bus the driver was bouncing the woman who bothered me last week, off the bus.  She wasn't happy about it but she left.  THEN I gave him his candy.  He was really happy to see it, he said another driver stole the last bag I gave him.  

Not many riding as you'd expect, most of them homeless I think trying to warm up.

We will see what it's like today.  I have a mild headache so I'm going to take something. A lot of male associates slathered on the cologne today!  

Well it is colder than I expected this morning, outside

 All utilities and heater working OK thank God.  But I figured it would be about 10 degrees warmer today and it is not.  I have my hat, scarf, gloves.  Plenty of long underwear and wool socks.  When I was a kid on the frigid east coast it was layers, layers, layers and I am going with that.  

I wonder if the AC is still running at work.  Some people in the Walmart group said that it is running in other, colder, parts of the country.  Like Target, the thermostat is controlled at the national headquarters and not regionally.  

I woke up with a headache but not too bad.  I took something around 1.  I am trying to be careful, I read recently I can only take 4 doses of Excedrin a day so I am trying to make them count.  I am not sure how much I was taking before but my liver numbers were all coming back OK so I think I'm alright.  

I took my shower last night.  I like to let my hair air dry and I am NOT going out in 20 degree weather with a 15 mile an hour wind with wet hair!  Pneumonia for sure!  I will take a shower tonight before I cut the water off.  Water stays off until I get home from work Wednesday it will be significantly warmer by then.  I have this: No rinse stuff I can't say enough about it.  

Take Ron: He would not let me bathe him very often, maybe every few days.  By the time he did, he reeked of BO and alcohol.  Sometimes he had food on him because he ate in bed.  He would always be a mess.  I would put a squirt of that stuff in about a gallon of warm water and get to work with the washcloth, in a few minutes he would be sparkling fresh and clean.  He was happy, I was happy.  The water would be filthy.  It was also good for cleaning up after toilet issues, if he wet himself for instance.  If I had left him like that (I wouldn't have) wet he would have gotten rashes, reeking, etc.  But the no-rinse in some warm water and the washcloth fixed him up completely.  The ME was completely fine with Ron's appearance at autopsy.  

If it would work for him I know it will work for me after a day or so without a shower.  My problem my cycle is about due even though I don't have the bloating - the bloating is not 100% predictor of that - so I have to anticipate I COULD have a cycle about now.  It has been just about 28 days which is generally how I run.  It is not going to be much fun having a cycle without running water but I have wet wipes, I have water stored, I have the no rinse body wash and plenty of wash cloths (I made sure of the last on Friday, when I bought another 18).  

The cats are good, I put some fleece blankets on top of the sleeping bag I have on the bed.  It is surprising how much my little $10 sleeping bag keeps me warm.  

When I had the pipe break I didn't understand the movers were going to take everything.  Literally everything I owned, and put it in storage.  So they took the bedding, I barely managed to snag a pillow, they even took my stuffed toy dog (long story).  I had a few clothes but I was faced with an empty room and a pillow.  I got a $10 sleeping bag from Walmart (probably more now) and it was surprisingly warm.  I got another one and zipped them together, now we are cooking!  I was really set once I bought a camping cot and put my bed on that.  So I kept the sleeping bags.  I have 2 on my bed right now.  They are a slippery nylon so they tend to slide around a lot but I am OK.  

I think I will be OK with my bedding setup.  I have 4 regular blankets, a couple of fleece throws for the cats (go on top), and 2 sleeping bags.  I have been nice and cozy the last couple nights and should be OK if we have rolling blackouts.  

Here's another star, although it has gone up a lot since I bought it 4 years ago: Bedsure sherpa blanket my bedding got twisted last night and I only had that on me last night, I was nice and cozy under it anyway.  

I think Spotty brought something in the cat dooor.....

He was meowing a lot and scrabbling around, now he is acting furtive.  I told him reptiles are OK but no mammals.  

The heater has been running but not overly much.  

My aunt took my "good" coat to fix but I don't think it will be fixable.  I suspect I will just have to buy a new coat.  I also believe the winters are just going to be a lot colder in Houston now so I need to get a new coat after I pay the property tax.  

I'm going to do my God Time, that's it for now.  

Sunday

 I had a pretty good day so far.  I got the beef stock cooked and put up in the fridge.  I got all the laundry done.  

I found a bucket of paint by the cat door and decided that was way too close to possible drafts and got that rascal put up in the computer room.  It's a nearly full bucket of teal paint I did for Ron's old room.  The painter said I needed 2 gallons but only used a little more than one - it's good paint (Behr Marquee) with really great coverage the painter loved working with it.  

Like Dad said repeatedly, the big expense with painting is the labor so you might as well buy the good paint, which I did.  So now I'm good for another 15 years or so.  But I do bring the paint in every time we get a colder spell.  

I also propped open all the doors to the laundry room, under sinks, etc.  My one question is the plumber's access panel in Ron's room.  I would like to have it open and let some warm air circulate but I worry about the cats getting in there.  I need to weigh that.  

I also need to figure out dinner so I can take my meds.  

Ooh I have biscuits.  That's it for now.  

The third circle of hell (a trip to the grocery store)

 I don't know what I was thinking.  

First I guess I had better start with Houston's football team, the Texans.  They have been pretty awful.  The Houston Dynamo (soccer) team has done very well but pretty much all our professional sports teams suck badly.  Exception being the Astros, and Dynamo, so I don't really follow them.  

Anyway they must have better players and coaching because we could make it to the playoffs this year and the city is going crazy; a big game is tonight.  Everyone's getting their snack foods let me tell you; the aisles I zone at work in grocery from 2-3 have been trashed.  I didn't think about it this morning.  

I woke up around 8.  I have the right amount of bedding on the bed and the cats like the fleece blanket I put at the foot of the bed.  I believe it was a gift from my aunt, to Ron, some years ago.  It is a cheetah print.  I wasn't too hot and I should be nice and warm if the power goes out.  

I got ready and left around 10, after doing my prep work for the storm.  

I brought in the paint from the garage, covered my plants, wrapped my hose spigots.  I got my cart and left.  

The traffic was very heavy around the grocery store but I didn't think much of it.  It was busy in the store at that point but not unusual for a weekend.  I got my groceries.  I wanted those little cheese snack crackers, some drink mix, etc.  I also got a nice beef shank for $3 it has a huge amount of meat and some nice bone to give the broth flavor.  

I was in for a very rude shock when I went to check out.  The checkout is in the front of the store, the lines went 3/4 to the back of the store.  

Then when I got up to the register I couldn't get my box out of my hand cart.  I was fighting with it and very embarrassed.  A nice Spanish man behind me got it.  I told him Gracias and then said "You are Senor Fuerte!"  I flexed a bicep "Very strong!"  He blushed and his wife laughed.  I paid and the man helped me get the box BACK in the cart.  Then I got out of his way and left.  On my way out I realized the line went halfway around the strip mall now, to get into the store.  

I heard a frantic announcement on the PA that the store was out of propane and my cashier had told me they were about out of bottled water as well.  And they are very well equipped for that sort of thing!  

I went to a takeout place.  They do a couple different cuisines.  I wanted samosa so I got a couple of them, they were delicious.  I felt like I brought down the tone of the restaurant with my hand cart so I took it to-go and ate at the bus stop.  

I got home fine.  I put everything away and took a nap.  Biscuit knows bad weather is coming, he's using his box.  Normally he only goes in the backyard.  

And I saw a nice fat kitty on my way to the bus stop this morning.  I couldn't help but wonder if it is getting in my house and eating the cat food.  

I got the beef shank going in the crock pot, a couple of handfuls of chopped frozen onions, a couple peeled garlic cloves (intact), 1/2 t each salt and pepper, a bay leaf, 2 T apple cider vinegar to help break down the bone.  I put the onions, etc. in the bottom, put the shank in and then filled it with water.  The broth will be ready tomorrow and then I can cook the veggies in it tomorrow.  I like pretty much every vegetable in the world in my veggie soup, everything from lima beans and okra to cabbage and carrots.  

That's it for now.  

Take your blood pressure pill before you read this

 I had a very nice morning.  Spotty and I have a routine where he gets in my lap, purring and slobbering, for half an hour or so every morning during my God Time.

There is NOTHING better in my life than a cat during my Bible study.

Afterwards I did up some candy.  I have a little chocolate.  I left for work, it was very windy but not horribly cold, and sunny which I liked even with the headache.

I had a driver I had never had before, white guy, thinning hair, scruffy goatee.  I found him attractive and we flirted a little before I got off.  That was fun but I am NOT looking to see him again.  

I got to the transit center and there was a very sad but clean looking man sitting on the bench.  "Excuse me, " he said very politely "Do you please have an extra bag of the candy?". Of course I said yes and a couple of others asked for it too, but very notable they were all extremely polite.  I had no problem sharing with THEM.  

The last bus to work was the crazy train as usual.  There was some guy my age I think was a pervert sat next to a little 3 year old and her mother.  Kept asking the little girl questions I found creepy but everyone else seemed to think was "cute".  But maybe my meter is broken I don't know.  

I got to work and got my snack, also some soda and got some ride money out of the ATM just in case.  Apparently it may rain Monday which would be catastrophic.  I kept thinking there is something else and remembered the cat jacket.  So I got in a very long line to return it.  That's done and everyone is cracking up at my story of Spotty running away and ditching the jacket in the yard.  

My friend was working I was very happy to see her.  Now I'm just waiting to start.  That's it for now.  

My head is STILL bothering me

 Yesterday was hell; I had a terrible headache all night.  I did manage to work and earn my $100 but it wasn't easy.  

I came home and talked to my parents, went to bed.  Dad fell asleep during the phone call it was about 7 his time. That's pretty standard for him.  He is good around 4 PM but not 7.  Interestingly enough, when I went to visit he wanted to stay up late every night and watch movies while I'm the one wanted to go to bed.  

I had measured Spotty before work because I wanted to buy him one of the little coats we sell.  I got one before work and tried it on him when I got home.  He struggled, he didn't fight me but he resisted, and he ran off when I had only half-fastened it.  I found it this morning in the backyard.  I would have liked to know he'd be warmer but it's his call and he said "no".  

Biscuit never goes out in bad weather so he's not a concern, or Cleo.  

It is windy today but not very cold (not yet!).  

My head is still bothering me but not as much as when I woke up.  That's it for now.  

Headache is up and down today

 I went to McDonald's and got a double cheeseburger and a small fries.  Fries were HOT and perfect I felt much better after eating them.  I still have 4 hours to go.  

The one boss leaves at 4 so she will be gone or on the way out by the time I get back from lunch.  Work hasn't been too bad aside from the headache and they were very happy to see me and hear I was working until 8.

One of the other women is not in favor with management for some reason I am not sure if she is coming back.  They were pretty grim discussing her.

They had me zone the cereal aisle today so I may buy a box on the way out.  Even some generic raisin bran would be nice. 

That's it for now.  Burger and fries are settling nicely so far 

Head is a little better

 Well enough to work at any rate.  On my first break.  

At work

 I got Spotty a little jacket we will see if he'll wear it.  I had a fried lemon pie hoping that helps.

One of my friends, an older white lady, said she had constant hassles riding the bus.  People robbing her, men exposing themselves, etc.  So maybe some of my problems are related to being a white woman.  The white men who ride the bus are scary.

I don't know.  I do know I didn't have these problems riding around with Ron.  The biggest issue I had some of the drivers got nasty if I gave them candy without chocolate.  I had a couple of blogs on that and actually stopped handing out all of it, altogether, due to the nasty entitlement and endless whining for "better" candy.  It was a gift and I didn't OWE them anything.  It is like one woman who picked us up at Denny's one day.  She got there early and Ron said he would buy her "something" back then most of the entrees were around $10.  

He gets the bill and it is $40 more than our charges.  The server explains she ordered an appetizer, a steak dinner with extra side, and a dessert.  Ron and I were furious she KNEW better she just got greedy.  The next time she dropped us off we said "Have a nice day" put Ron in his wheelchair and went in the building.  She followed us in and spoke to our server who came over and asked if we wanted to pay for her food.  We said no, "Tell her she got enough LAST time" and kept talking.  She was pissed but we didn't have that kind of money even if we wanted to.

Some of the other drivers asked us about it because she talked but they understood not only did she screw herself over, she screwed over all the other drivers Ron would have helped.  

I guess I have the kind of face people think they can take advantage but I have no problem setting boundaries.  

My head is better after the lemon pie.  

Curse you, corn dog!

 I was thinking about a corn dog all morning at work and got one for my lunch, from the deli.  It was fine not quite as crunchy as I like but certainly acceptable.  Work other than that was pretty uneventful they had me working on some other projects so I did that.  

I came home on the bus.  As I was riding the driver wanted to chat (sometimes he does, sometimes not, I leave it up to him).  He was asking me questions.  So we chatted a little and some guy on the back of the bus started screaming SHUT UP and a bunch of other nonsense so we both kind of looked at eat other and didn't say a word.  

The guy got off at a busy intersection and we started talking again, until we got to my stop and I got off.  I will not be seeing him again in a few weeks as he is on a different "bid".  

My next bus came along right quick so that was very nice and I got home a little earlier.  I made a sandwich and talked to Mom while I ate it, Dad was at the board meeting for one of his volunteer projects.  After I hung up I went to bed and slept pretty well, until I woke up at 3 AM with a migraine.  I took some Excedrin and went back to bed but I could not beat it.  

So I decided I will call Ace and see if I can get a ride to work, otherwise I will have to call Jack or Uber.  I

I am pretty much ready for the cold weather, I got a rechargeable hand warmer, charged my little lantern and tablet, etc.  My alarm clock runs on batteries and I just replaced them.  I did order some no-rinse body bath as I plan to cut off the water during the worst of it, that way I can still get a nice sponge bath.  I used that stuff on Ron extensively and it was great.  If it could get him fresh, get the BO and stench of alcohol he would sweat out, it can get anyone fresh.  

I still need to pay some bills, cover my plants out front, wrap my pipes, and then the night it freezes cut off the water.  Everyone says "Oh you just need to drip the faucet" but everyone who did that 3 years ago had frozen pipes.  I did not because I cut off the water.  I always take the careful route on things like that.  

We don't know if the store will have power, I guess we will find out.  I don't know if the buses will run that could be real fun if they stop. I probably need to take more cash out of the ATM.  

Mood is good but this headache is no joke.  I can work with it but no way I could ride a bouncing, noisy, city bus for 2 hours.  

That's it for now.  

At work

 We are getting very cold weather this weekend.  I found a rechargeable hand warmer at work and got that.  I will not say anything about it, either.  I apparently lost one of my gloves in the scuffle yesterday so I got some new gloves, too.  We had very few left.  We will likely sell out today.  I didn't find any of the disposable hand warmers.  

It is supposed to be in the 70's this afternoon but I am skeptical.  

I need to get ready for work, that's it for now!   

So about my job

 Boss seems favorable.  Her only big criticism she wants me to take lunch at 12 instead of 1 "from now on" which I took as a positive.

I am debating how much, if anything, to tell my drivers about what happened this morning.  

You told me so

 First 2 buses were uneventful.  New drivers, though.  I boarded the third bus and gave the driver his candy.  A homeless woman was sitting near my favorite seat.  

"Where are MY bags of candy?". She demanded.  "Here's one!" I replied and handed it over as I sat down.  

Over the next 20 minutes she muttered with RAGE over the cherry cordial candy, unwrapped all the lollipops, threw unwrapped other candy on the floor.  

A nice clean cut man got on the bus and she took out 3 unwrapped lollipops, licked them, and then offered them to him while telling him she wanted his gloves.  

I had a really bad feeling about this and the Holy Spirit was begging me to get off, which I did when she leaned towards the man and started muttering nonsense about me, complete with finger pointing.  It was obvious it was about to go Bad 

So I got off at a gas station in the middle of nowhere.  The clerk noticed I was shook up and asked me about it.  

I told him.  He said I did the right thing.  So did the nice young man in the letterman jacket at the bus stop.  And I didn't wait long.  

So yes, you told me so.  I will rethink HOW I do candy for the homeless or even if.  But I'm still doing the candy.  

Boss walked by the break room while I was typing and seems to be OK.  

Tuesday morning

 I will unpack all the comments when I get my desktop going again.  

It is very windy today and I have some concerns about a power outage or spike if I leave my electronics plugged in.  

My boss will likely work today.  I should be able to get a feel by my break sometime around 11.

Since it is very windy, and awfully cold to be waiting at the bus stop, I am taking that as a challenge.  I have 2 pair long underwear, a T-shirt, flannel shirt, fleece sweater, a coat, and we can't forget the wool hat.  The heater is running a lot.

I got the gas bill and the last payment processed so I plan to do that again this month.  The new bill was $75 which I felt wasn't too bad considering.  

Spotty has been in and out a lot but has settled on "in".  Smart boy.  

I plan to take the bus both ways so I won't be home until later.  My only real concern commuting today there has been a lot of wind and pretty strong gusts, I hope all the dogs that hate me are confined.  That would be a very bad day.

That's it for now!  

Next week is going to suck

 Weather wise.  I need to figure out rides.  I am down with 40 degrees plus a wind chill.  Not 26 with a wind chill.  The only good thing it's going to be dry.

My poor plants, I will have to cover them and also wrap my pipes.

I can do a trial run tomorrow with two pairs of long underwear and 2 coats.  My "good" coat is in the shop.  It's going to be interesting.  

Well I made it to work

 I had a nice cuddle with Spotty this morning.  It has been very important for me to make sure he gets enough attention.  I have been making that a priority.  We get in a nice snuggle during my God Time every day.  

Trip to work was OK except for a very impatient man at my second bus stop.  It was exhausting to watch and then he didn't even pay.  Turkey.  

Third bus was late but not too much and I basically beat the rain so I'm happy.  I have a ride home tonight.

I have a moderate headache I will be taking some Excedrin in a minute.  I decided not to say anything about FAS.  God forbid some team lead looks it up I will get fired for sure.

That's it for now!

We are supposed to have severe weather this afternoon

 So I unplugged the electronics.  

From what I can tell I should be OK getting to work, and the one boss is off so work itself shouldn't be too bad.  

I have a ride home.  Now, tomorrow is going to be interesting very cold and windy but no rain.  I think I will be OK getting to work in that.

I am debating "letting it drop" about the Fetal Alcohol in conversation with a team lead and "letting" that get back to my boss but that could very well backfire.  I need to pray on that 

That's it for now.

Sunday afternoon

 I feel better I had a good cry.  And I never cry.  

Two sides to my coin here: The accident took a man who took care of himself, me, and two employees, turned him into a bed bound abusive alcoholic.  

The other side the accident turned me from a scared little rabbit into a bold woman who fought for her man against all the odds and evolved me into an evangelist who has handed out literally thousands of items to hurting souls.  That's important.  

So important I had to go through all THAT?!  I wonder sometimes.  But I am one person and many have been helped.  

It would be easy to lose my faith; but I think that's the most valuable asset I have.  

I am cooking some biscuits, going to have them with honey and butter for lunch.  Yum.  I am also boiling a menstrual cup in it's special pot on the stove.  

When I first started using the cup one part of the routine is boiling it every week or so.  Wash out with soap morning and night, rinse as needed beside that when "flowing" but it also needs to be washed out with plain soap, rinsed, and boiled every week or use.  I am due in about a week or so and I want to have it ready, last month my cycle came early.  

Well that was upsetting.  I had written a little on Facebook about how today is hard.  One of the former postal workers basically said "Oh yeah Ron was crippled for life but it's OK because we prayed for you, and he was such an inspiration going back to work" He HAD to go back to work because we got screwed on the insurance settlement.  Running over someone and crippling them for life, allowing the perpetrator to stalk the victim for years (until I got the union involved) is not cancelled out because you mumbled a quick prayer on the fly the day of the accident.  It's just NOT.  

I'm sorry you find my pain so offensive but some things aren't fixed.  Ron was crippled for the rest of his life in agonizing pain.  A prayer does not make that better.  Yes, he lived, but at what cost?  I get now why all the doctors basically told me he'd be better off dead.  I didn't, at the time.  I do now.  

On one level, yes, Ron was an amazing inspiration.  On another, practical, level - one I saw every day - Ron lived in agonizing pain to the point I was fighting with EMS to stop his pain.  Physical.  Mental pain he numbed with alcohol.  His own family disowned him because they might have had to lift a finger.  I was the only one he had left and I had plenty of problems of my own.  

UGH.  That's it for now I'm going to take a nap.  

About the cup well it's something that goes inside my privates... I am not going to use that pot for anything else, and I don't.  

Well if you don't like it you can always skip the January 7 read

 Here's a link to the song I was talking about earlier: 

Dreaming While You Sleep 
Copyright Genesis/Phil Collins 

In and out of darkness, in and out of sleep Trying to keep my hands upon the wheel Never saw the corner in the driving rain I never saw her step into the street Dreaming while you sleep Dreaming while you sleep Memories to keep Dreaming while you sleep I can never understand what went through my mind I didn't stop to see what I had done I had to keep on driving deep into the night The miles between would somehow put it right Dreaming while you sleep Dreaming while you sleep Memories to keep Dreaming while you sleep All my life you lie silently there All my life in a world so unfair All my life and only I'll know why And it will live inside of me I will never be free all my life Trapped in her memory all my life Till the day that you open your eyes Please open your eyes Dreaming while you sleep Dreaming while you sleep Heard it on the radio, saw it on TV But could I take my secret to the grave If I had another chance, would I do the same Dreaming while you sleep Dreaming while you sleep Dreaming while you sleep Are you dreaming while you sleep ? All my life I'll be haunted by All my life just one moment in time All my life until the day I die And it will live inside of me I will never be free all my life Trapped in her memory all my life Till the day that you open your eyes All of my life, you lie silently there All my life, in a world so unfair All my life, and only I know why And it will live inside of me I will never be free all my live Trapped in her memory, all my life Till the day that you open your eyes