Depression

 I did NOT sleep well last night I could not drop off and when I did I couldn't stay asleep.  I was really bothered wanting to find something so I got up and looked for it, did not find it, but did grab Ron's feather quilt and threw that on the bed.  

I am down with (pardon the pun) loading up the bed with layers of covers as that means I feel warm and cozy without running up the utilities.  

I don't remember my dreams but they weren't good.  

I got up and weighed myself only to realize to my horror I had gained 5 pounds.  Not what I wanted to see!  

Biscuit was good, he was nice and cozy in the bed.  I took my antidepressant and a multivitamin.  

Some days are just hard.  I have been thinking a lot about that bus driver and I don't think it would work for a lot of reasons.  But he is so sweet and seems fascinated by anything I say which is very appealing.  I am going to miss him.  

When the weather gets a little warmer I do plan to go back to church and I will likely see him again (he said he deliberately took a route that should bring me home from church).  We will see. I am not saying no but I am saying it doesn't seem probable.  

I need to take my shower.  I'm going to warm up the bathroom first.  

On the plus side I had enough pay to cover all the bills plus a little lunch money for the week.  But today I plan to finish off the rotisserie chicken and freeze the carcass so I can make soup out of it.  

I was thinking about Love Languages recently and concluded I am mainly Gifts (which makes me feel mercenary to say) and Quality Time but also words and touch.  I don't think my boss getting in my face and jabbing me with a finger counts as touch!  But it's like no one touches me now, just the cats.  I guess that is a widow thing.  When my aunt comes she gives me lots of hugs but I think she is either more quality time or acts of service, the day Ron died, when they took his body and she could come in the house, she cleaned the whole house for me.  

You could say Biscuit is spoiled.  He has a box in my bedroom (litter), a box in the orange room, and a box of clumping litter in the front room.  He likes the clumping litter for his poops.  Then he also has a box of crystal litter in the front room which he uses for urine.  He loves to pee in there.  It is easy to take care of the box so I don't mind.  The litter isn't cheap but it is good for a month or so.  

The rain's started so it will be a cold and wet commute.  I do hope my new bus pass comes quick.  

Interesting: I had way more water pressure in my shower this morning to the point I was actually running out of hot water.  I can only figure the last time I turned the water off I did not turn it on 100%.  I do remember last time (not a few days ago) it was very hard to get back on for some reason.  At any rate it was certainly invigorating.  I had a good shower and even got my legs shaved.  

Then I did my God Time.  Spotty and Biscuit were hanging out with me until they got into a fight in my lap.  They still got treats; Spotty is jut not good at boundaries.  

I did up a dozen bags of candy to hand out that should be sufficient.  I don't know what I am doing for lunch probably McDonald's.  That's it for now.