I'm not going to go digging in old posts but I will give you the gist of it. To set the stage, Ron, the binge drinker every night, verbally abusive and nasty enough I would avoid him when he was drinking because he might hit/choke me. Sorry peeps that was my life. Financial, spiritual, physical, verbal, emotional, abuse.
Understandably a lot of the unreached readers were quite upset at this, why was I staying with him? Why, Heather, why? Well, I told them, I had taken the situation to God many times and He always gave me a "no" to leaving.
I DIDN'T LIKE THAT. I wanted OUT. I desperately wanted to be free of this PARASITE. Oh it was hell. But I kept getting NO so I accepted that.
How do you know it's a No, Heather? One of them asked. And I had to explain just deep down in my core I knew it. That's the best way to put it.
God told me to hang in there, gave me what I needed to do that, and took Ron when it was his time. The way God laid it out I got to keep the house, was ready to give up the business, I was sympathetic to everyone (not abandoning the poor sick man with Alzheimer's), and ready to move on to Walmart. I had more resilience as well having endured all that, which comes in handy at work.
I never would have seen a heart attack, though. Whenever Ron had a checkup they always said his heart sounded great, cholesterol numbers were great, etc. Now me, when I got checkups when I was obese they would say they heard a murmur, my cholesterol was too high, etc. I am working on that.
So why am I talking about old times instead of leaving them buried? Well today, in my core I just have PRAY FOR THE ELECTION, ALL DAY, HEATHER.
So I guess that's what I will be doing today.
I desperately want Abbot to win. I want Meador to win "mayor" of unincorporated Harris County. Etc. I want "good" conservatives in office because I feel they are better for Houston and my state. But it's ultimately God's will and not mine or anyone else's. Whoever wins is the person God wants for the job, and I said this 2 years ago when Biden won.
I just hope I go to bed happy tonight.
4 comments:
This justification for staying with Ron is just as sick as the churches you went to where they told you that you didn't need to take medication for your mental illness because god would take care of it for you.
You stayed because of fear of the unknown, you were also financially dependent on him and to leave him would have meant giving up your cats (who you love) and having the scary task of getting a place to live and a job. You stayed because even though he was abusive because it was familiar and comfortable even though it was a nightmare for you many days.
Yes Ron died and you got the house but there are thousands upon thousands of women who are not as lucky as you were and they are living in an abusive hell scape of a marriage. Many women have left an abusive marriage with nothing. Just the clothes on their backs. And many of these women are christian and god fearing and believing just like you.
Shame on you for saying that god told you to stay. God told you no such thing. You heard what you wanted to hear from"god."
Well actually I was told I was a sinner and an addict if I took anything for mental illness. Nothing about God being with me in it, which He'd been the last 40 some years...I know God has my back but they sure didn't.
It was even more toxic than living with Ron, or what I grew up with. Both of them understood I needed medication.
All that said God did tell me to stay. I don't think I can convey how much I wanted to go. I knew all I had to do was call the Women's Center or put up a post with my phone number and I would have everything I needed. But I was not led to that.
Some women need to go, I get that. I came close to suicide many times as it is, it was that bad, especially the nights he would have a blackout and just go off verbally shredding me for several hours at a time, sleep deprivation, etc. I am not surprised Baby Girl had grooming issues living with that for 10 years.
Your post about medication really speaks to me. My addict daughter is in rehab and got put on meds for anxiety.
I thought it was weakness and not trusting God.
Well I am scared to death of anxiety and sleeping pills but adore my mood stabilizers, antipsychotic, and antidepressant.
The way I figure it God enabled the pharmacologists (?) to develop the drugs so they could help people. One good thing my birth mother did was respond to lithium. She did not take it consistently and also drank heavily, so it "didn't work" long term. But I had a starting point to ask for lithium as it generally works for multiple family members. And I had great results within a few days, to the point Ron was sobbing "You're back" and professing his undying love.
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