Thursday morning

I slept OK last night but went off on a tangent this morning.  I used to write poetry, very full of myself in my 20's, I was the great artiste. Hopefully I have some humility now.  But I always wanted to write a poem about the horror of finding Ron in the shock trauma ICU and call it "Shock Trauma".  But it was too big for me to write about.  I could write poems about depression and feeling like I was on a ship, in flames, in the middle of the ocean.  But not about that.  

But it did remind me of the urologist.  Ron had blood in his urine at the time of the accident so they called in a consult.  He found Ron had a "Grade 2 laceration" to his right kidney and it should resolve with time, he wrote a report and kept referencing Ron had a Glasgow coma score of 3, which is very, very, bad.  A family member of Ron's family worked at the hospital and got me a copy of the report.  I was able to look up Glasgow coma score when I got home and realized just how severe Ron's head injury was.  

Fast forward a month and a half.  Ron is out of the coma and has been sent home with a catheter.  I took care of him like that for a couple of weeks and then we went to the urologist (same one) to get it out.  A very nice nurse took it out and then a resident came in and asked if we had any questions.  

I prodded Ron "Don't forget".  So Ron asked, in his slow and deliberate manner, asked when we could "do it".  The doctor was baffled "Do what?"  "You know..." Ron replied.  "It".  The doctor apologized but he really didn't get it.  Ron had a horrific scar on his head, an obvious stroke victim with some right side paralysis, scars all over his head and body, sitting in his wheelchair with a broken leg, asking about "it".  Doc was baffled.  I finally stepped in.  "You know..." I said "Our love life?"  The doctor looked at Ron again.  Looked at me, both of us looking at him with anticipation... and fled the room!  

A few minutes later the actual doctor came in, shook Ron's bad hand and asked how we were doing.  I explained we were waiting to find out if we could have sex.  "When do you want to do that?" the doctor asked (this the expert who was called in the day of the accident).  "Tonight?" Ron asked?  "I don't want to hurt him" I explained... "If we have to wait because of the catheter".  The doctor looked at Ron all banged up and laughed.  "Go for it, buddy" he said.  "Tonight is fine".  "You know" He continued 'I never thought I would see you again and look at you now... I am really proud of you, buddy".  

I try to focus on moments like that.  That poor urology resident fleeing because Ron and I wanted to get frisky, the specialist laughing for joy at Ron wanting to get "active" again.  So we did get active even though we weren't married (don't advise!) and had a good time at it.  

But no one told me he had a 5x greater risk of Alzheimer's due to the head injury.  At best they just said he would have a "bad outcome" which was very vague.  He did very well for about 15 years though you could not tell he had serious brain damage.  He had the "I had a stroke" accent but not bad.  Would I have done anything different?  I don't know.  

We did spend a lot of quality time together which I am very happy about.  We ate out a lot that is what he liked to do, buy me a good meal.  Take me places.  I joke about getting a "ride Daddy" but I do miss that.  

Yesterday my aunt asked me about that, how many rides I was getting a week and I told her 3, and when.  She was very pleased.  I already have that money in my wallet.  I need to get some money out of checking I gave my grocery money to the tree guys for their tip.  But they did a very good job and not a bad days work $150 for an hour of work.  I wonder if they are behind those letters the HOA sends out.  

I didn't dry my clothes last night I am doing that today.  My cycle is about due if it's on a regular schedule so that is going to affect what I wear today.  I am happy I have new jeans and a cute top, even though it is not figure flattering it does look cute.  And I don't care if something makes me look a little rounder, not like I have someone in my life I want to impress.  My family love me regardless and are just happy I am getting healthy.  

I need to take my shower, going to do that.  Oh, almost forgot, new coat is coming today.  Very happy about that.  My only question on that will be how to balance it in the washer.  I think a hoodie or two will do it.  I can't stand it when I see someone in a dirty coat or work vest and unfortunately the white is going to show dirt, so I need to figure out a good way to wash it.  

I did not weigh today as I ate Mexican pastry, a quesadilla, and a donut yesterday with my aunt.  I will call it my cheat day.  I have not been impressed with the donuts at work lately so I think I will skip my Saturday donut and have something else instead. 

I am about ready to go and I still have time so I may come back before I leave.  

About ready to go, having a hard time getting started though.