Another not-great night of sleep. I got enough sleep though. Now that the business is done I am more worried about my next job. I cleaned up my online profile a bit you will see that in the blog. I didn't change the layout or anything.
I got my God Time and my shower, my major tasks for the day. The cats are good. Biscuit is a little peeved I didn't let him have some cheese but he will live. It is cold, gloomy, and overcast I am glad it wasn't like this the day Ron died.
I still can't believe he's dead. I don't know if that will ever be easy for me. I am taking care of myself, trying to get enough sleep, easy on the caffeine, using my nice soap in the shower, eating well (lots more vegetables and fruit). I am not watching SVU today I am watching a Hobbit movie much more elevating.
I can't help think I am single now when I watch that show and all these single women getting attacked. But I am a middle aged widow I don't think I need to - overweight at that - I'm not on the hottie list. Although what I hear/read rapists take any victim they can. I do have my stun gun which I can carry daily now, and I will.
One time back in 2003 I bought a stun gun baton, I was running in the neighborhood (another neighborhood) and a lot of the residents had aggressive dogs running loose. The worst was a pregnant dog it was always coming after me. So I got the stun gun. Ron tested it on himself: quote "That will do it" in a very high pitched, strained, voice. And the dog came after me it was VERY aggressive. The owner used to laugh at it coming after me. Because I was running the dog thought I was fearful, I was not.
But I had called the police and they said I had a perfect right to use a stun gun to defend myself. The owner saw me fire up the stun gun (I flipped a switch) and started screaming "You can't do that she's pregnant" (was a purebred and a backyard breeder). I yelled CALL OFF YOUR DOG I CALLED THE POLICE I CAN ZAP HER. And I turned to face the dog and said "come here" in a very grim voice. The owner realized I was serious, called off the dog, and locked her up. She started locking up the dog when she saw me coming down the street.
I just wanted to be safe I'm not out there attacking passersby I expect the same respect. I think a lot of dogs hate me because I am a cat lady (like #6's little dog) and cats love to tease dogs. Bubba used to get up on a Rottweiler's fence and clean his butt, taunting him. The owner told me the dog ripped 3 boards off the fence trying to eat Bubs. So I get it.
Ron used to tell an involved story about why cats hated dogs and vice versa. Feel free to scroll if you're not interested. So the cats and dogs decided to call a truce and have a party to celebrate. But the cats told the dogs they had to leave their tails at the door because they would knock everything over. The dogs agreed. Halfway though the party someone yelled "fire" and everyone ran out, the dogs just grabbed any tail at hand. When it was all over the dogs blamed the cats and the cats blamed the dogs. And all the dogs had the wrong tail. That is why dogs and cats hate each other, and why dogs are always butt sniffing to see if the other dog has their tail.
I always thought it was cute. Not high storytelling but cute. I guess I am doing the "You die twice" thing. There is a saying you die once when your body stops. You die again when people stop talking about you. Ron's in no danger there.
Now it wasn't always easy but the last year he made very diligent efforts to be appreciative, respectful, and kind. I focus on that. I never made him feel like a burden; he wasn't. He used to frequently say I had no idea how much I meant to him, how much he appreciated my efforts. I hang onto that; he was happy. I made him happy.
I guess at the end that is all I can ask.
No comments:
Post a Comment