I have just been really depressed the last few days. Last night I woke up a few hours after I went to bed, with a bad headache. So I got up and took Excedrin and stayed up for a while, then went back to bed. I slept better from that point and woke up at 7.
Last year I would just wake up whenever, on days I wasn't working. And it was almost always 7. Then I had to give Ron his seizure and blood pressure pills at 5 AM so I woke up at that for a while even after he died. Now I am back to 7. I find that sad.
I am just really sad. It may have been a bad idea to put those "happy Ron" photos on the fridge I see them every time I go in the kitchen and they tug at my heart. He is in the water off the coast of Galveston. I took the photos before his accident so he is "only" blind in the photos. He is grinning widely at the camera in one photo and saying "It's WARM!" with his hands in the air, up to God, in the second photo. Which is probably exactly how he looks in Heaven.
He was a huge part of me for most of my married life and now he's gone, I feel amputated. Raw. Cracked. I will get through this it is just not going to be easy.
I debated even writing this as an employer might read it but I need to get it out. And all that (waves hand) isn't going to interfere with me being a good employee.
My headache is better, I am going to take my antidepressant and do my God Time.
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