So I got up, Dad picked me up, off to church with my aunt, uncle, and Dad. Church was nice I only cried during the VBS (vacation Bible school) presentation? I got saved during a VBS about 30 years ago so maybe that's why. Day going OK.
Then "we" (I forget who exactly) decided to go to the Harris County Smokehouse BBQ joint. They are very good and Dad loves them. But it was Ron's favorite restaurant. I had a very hard time in the restaurant, which was surprising as I had no issues with Cracker Barrel, another place Ron loved. But he loved the smokehouse the best. Just seeing the ribs almost made me cry with grief.
Got through that, sat down. Music was all Ron's favorites so I had trouble with that, etc. Food was good and everyone else had a blast. I was just overcome by grief but I did want everyone to have a good time and they did. It didn't help the store manager asked about Ron. But I got through.
If you live in the Houston area they really are very good and have excellent breakfasts in addition to stellar BBQ. It was not the restaurant it was just the memories.
I did tell my aunt it would be a good place to gift the bear when I die because they have a lot of taxidermy animals on display.
We went back to the house, some issues with Ron's bank account but we got the internet and mortgage paid out of the "coin" money. Good, I would be in big trouble without my internet.
Oh, I almost forgot. I had been wearing Ron's ring on a chain around my neck and told God if He had an issue with that to break the chain, let me keep the ring, and I would get the message. And the chain broke. So I put the ring in my purse until I got home, and then I put it in a ring box. I guess God didn't want me wearing it around my neck.
But I don't want to idolize Ron or make shrines or any of that. Ron is happy where he is and would not come back. He was in such misery at the end, too. So I need to get to work on accepting that.
I gave Dad his Ron portion to go back to CA and get sprinkled in Ron's favorite woods. Tomorrow we go to Galve- Today we go to Galveston and sprinkle another Ron portion on the island somewhere. I think that is going to be harder than I anticipated, I had a very hard time sleeping last night.
The cats have been awesome but I have been worried about the house. If I can keep the house I can keep the cats. It is possible perhaps I could sell the house to my aunt and uncle, rent it back from them. I would have no problem doing that they would be fair. But if I can't do that I would have to move to an apartment; if I do that means I can only have 2 cats most likely. I have picked the two. But I would feel terrible about the other 3, and it would be more loss on top of losing my husband, my job, and my house. That would REALLY suck. Especially for the cats! I know I could get good homes for Spotty and Torbie because they are very sweet and adoptable. But I would be in big trouble if the vet didn't want Biscuit.
So I worry about that. I know God made my cats He is going to take care of them it is just a lot on my plate. But I am in some cat groups that would take Spotty and Torbie. Biscuit I would be in trouble if the vet doesn't want him. I will not worry about it this minute.
The nice thing about living in a house I can make a little noise, listen to (volume level 6 out of 100) music, take a shower, etc. without waking up the neighbors. When we lived in CA we were on the second floor and the lady on top of us stomped around a lot, had a lot of shouting matches with her boyfriend (who, as Ron found out from his cordless phone scanner, was cheating on her), and took long showers at 3 am every day. Ron wrote her a note asking her to please try and be quiet, she was louder, and then we heard on the scanner she thought I had "big Coke bottle glasses", was a "bitch" (I had never said a word to her), and she was going to run over Ron because he asked her to take the shower at another time. Ron had a tape (not supposed to do that) of the boyfriend talking to his side piece and he had planned to give it to her but after that he said she "deserved what she got". We ended up having to move into the dining area to get some peace and quiet until she moved out. Oh, and the crying baby. She was one of those "let him cry it out" people which meant very loud crying for extended periods of time. She had him in the bedroom and it wasn't as bad in the dining room, so we moved the bed. We moved back into the bedroom after she moved out.
In TX our first place was an all bills paid apartment. We were on the second (top) floor. It was great. The stairs went by the side of our apartment on one side so you couldn't hear anything on that side, and the other side was a guy who worked from home named Mitchell. He had a very plump cat who came to visit on occasion.
Second place we were on the third (top) floor boy that was a hike every day, and the bolts had come out of the wall so the whole staircase shook as you went up and down. Not very safe. Nice apartment, though. The last rental was a duplex it was the largest of all, about 1100 square feet but not very well laid out. Most of it was a very odd front room, then a long kitchen and laundry room. The bathroom was long but very narrow, a bonus room that was pretty small, a nice walk in closet, and the back bedroom was a good size. I was happy to move out even though the house is smaller, as the house has a much better layout. So I can live pretty much everywhere.
If I do get an apartment I will get second or third floor because a lot of apartments flood and I don't want the hassle. I would also get renter's insurance and flood insurance if possible. Looks like I can get it. I would just go with the same company we have for the house. An upper floor also limits the kind of person I can have over. I can't date a guy who has mobility issues, for instance, because he wouldn't be able to get up the stairs. I think that would be useful. Screening process; as my grandmother said, "I don't want an old man". I am pretty done with old men to be honest.
I always told myself if Ron and I split up (that has sure happened!) I would get an upper floor apartment so I wouldn't get sucked into another toxic codependent caregiving relationship (I have eyes to see my relationship).
Yesterday I did up 2 weeks of supplements, etc. Biscuit was on the table and would only let me do 2 weeks. Probiotic, Vitamin A, all the good stuff. Also Vitamin D for immunity. I hear it is also good with depression? I could sure use that after losing my husband and my job.
I am going to take my shower in a little bit, shave my legs, etc. I need to figure out what sort of shirt I am wearing to, basically, Ron's funeral. Dad will sprinkle some ashes here which is very pretty and a place Ron loved to hike. I thought that was appropriate. Some ashes are going to Galveston today. I am not sure where exactly but informed myself of the regulations. My aunt said she would put a trowel in the car as well.
I just have a quarter cup of ashes so it won't be hard. Then I guess we will get some lunch and come home.
But I need to get going on that shower... that's it for now.
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