I decided it would be prudent to send my doctor a message through the patient portal, namely that Ron had died, I had lost my job, I was depressed, but "still functional". I didn't say this but he should get the lithium level the next day or two. That way he has the full picture.
I got my groceries they had everything. I got V8 because I like it and it has lots of nutrition. I also got some frozen chopped greens. I can't always eat fresh greens before they turn but frozen will keep indefinitely. I took my shower and even conditioned my hair. It is chilly today so I wore sweat pants and did not shave my legs, but I did clean the toilet.
My aunt will be working on estate stuff today so if you pray send one up for that.
So far my biggest problem (aside from moderate depression) is Torbie begging for treats. I gave her and Baby Girl some at least once today already.
I plan to take a nap shortly. After all I was up at 3? I think it was 3 AM.
I am going to soak my feet in vinegar for some reason I am having a little athlete's foot lately. I don't notice it most of the time but I don't want it to get bad. Going to go do that.
Got my test results, most of them very normal including lithium level. Cholesterol 229, Triglycerides 216. HDL at 58. So not great but not horrible either. I need to cut some carbs. I always had very low numbers doing that. Good news AIC is 5.5. A couple years ago it was 5.4 so I am keeping that number down.
Glad I paid for the tests. I would rather just KNOW than wonder, and now I know I need to work on cholesterol. My calcium was also a little high so I will cut out the supplement. But overall very healthy.
The last thing my family needs is me dead. A lot of times things can be caught early, like blood sugar or kidney issues, but if allowed to go too far irreversible damage is done.
So it looks like the triglyceride thing can be dealt with by doing low carb and some exercise, which is good. I am going to be careful if nothing else the cats need me.
Speaking of the cats I did contact one of my cat groups and asked if it was OK to post one of the cats for adoption if I lose the house, he said yes. Was very nice about it.
So that's one. Vet would be #2 (Biscuit). And then I would need to ask about Spotty on the orange cat group.
I just wish I had a job it would be so much easier to grieve my losses if I had an income coming in. Don't get me wrong, someone donated $50 to my Go Fund Me last night (paid for my groceries). George Muller talked about living on faith alone on donations. He did pretty well and had a huge "orphan house" at the end of it and raised 10K kids.
I have been living on very little the last year I just wish I had some security. But, does anyone? Good question. I could depend on Ron's disability check every month.
* I have considered applying for my own disability at some point in the future if needed, but would rather earn my own way. I don't think it is a bad thing.
But the only job involved meat slicers! And I keep getting emails from life insurance companies wanting me to work on commission. 2 just today. Dad says no commission work and I'm with him, there would be a lot of logistical issues as well with that.
Sometimes I just feel so overwhelmed this is a million times worse than caring for Ron. The worry is much worse. I have been living oppressed by worry for a very long time now.
I mean, I don't even have a cause of death for Ron? Do you know how that haunts me?
God has me, I absolutely believe that. He has gotten me through equally ugly times. I just need to be patient and give Him time to work. It is just hard. I feel like some sort of seed being squeezed in a press to get all the good oils out.
I am a sunflower seed. 😂
When I look online I get so depressed and feel very unqualified for everything. I know God has THE RIGHT job for me and that is what matters, but I am losing my confidence. Maybe the wheels take a while to turn when you apply online... I don't know. But it is discouraging. I am doing my best to keep my faith and spirits up while at the same time allowing myself to feel the terrible loss I have.
It isn't easy.
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