Ron woke up again, asked me nicely for help getting in the wheelchair. It took him about 5 minutes, with assistance, to get reseated.
I took him to his room. He kept asking where he woke up, I kept telling him. .Towards the end I got frustrated and said I was done telling him, it should be enough that he woke up in an unfamiliar place because he drank too much.
First thing he did when I left; make a beeline to the fridge for more vodka. I told him next time he falls out of his wheelchair I will not help him into it. We had another argument, I told him it was foolish to go get drunk again. He said if I didn't like it I could leave, but he was my "meal ticket" so I wouldn't. I didn't argue with him (that's what he wants, he kept trying to bait me so I would go off and then he'd have an "excuse" to drink.) But I did say he was better than this and I knew it. However, like that episode of Criminal Minds said, sometimes being nice to an addict just doesn't cut it. Sometimes you have to go off on them to make a point.
I went in the computer room for a while. High blood pressure was a factor in killing my mother so I try to be mindful.
Ron asked if I had seen anything on the internet. I talked to him a little and carefully brought up the subject of portion control "You went from a little cup, to a big one". I found him a portion cup and gave it to him. He said he liked the big cup because he could put ice in it. I told him he could measure in the small cup and then pour it over the ice in the big cup. He didn't like that much.
He says he "wants to sleep" today. I told him he was up all night, he will sleep. He said he was still drinking.
I used the word "alcoholic' and walked off. He is still so drunk he is fumbling bottles of water and such. The last thing he needs is more alcohol.
I told him I will be taking a walk and he will be on his own. I reminded him he kept me up all night, shouting for me every 10 minutes. After the walk I will be doing weights and I am not stopping that just because he got drunker and "needs" something.
It took me forever to clean up the mess he made by the front door, he apparently went through all the clothes and threw them on the floor, knocked the bear (heavy and difficult to move) over, etc. I am getting rid of the wooden chair, I will put it by the curb (garbage just came) when I put up the trash. Now he is cursing in the kitchen trying to open something.
Ugh. I wish he would go to sleep.
10 comments:
Good thing you are allowing him to now feed biscuit treats so when the drunk jack ass accidentally feeds biscuit foods he isn't supposed to have and biscuit gets sick again you can blame yourself for it and Ron will blame you too. Why can't you say something and actually stick to it? It is no wonder Ron won't change when he knows you won't follow through. Just like with the talking books. You are a real bullsh-tter.
LOL he got you to do what he wanted with helping him get back in the wheelchair and then after you brought him to his room he went right back to the kitchen to drink some more. You shouldn't have told him you won't help him back in his wheelchair because you know you will.
Ron's never fed Biscuit anything off his diet, since he was diagnosed. He talked about it one night when very drunk but I made it clear that would not happen.
Ron used to go to the chicken place by himself, all the time, when he could walk. Now he needs someone to push him in the wheelchair. It is actually easier pushing him than it was guiding him, especially when he had the walker! I hated the walker!
I am pretty sure it is elder neglect if I refuse to put him in the wheelchair. But the second time I made him wear the seatbelt.
Do you ever ask yourself how you got to this point? I'm glad I'm intolerant because I see how bad it can get. You get what you put up with.
I got here because I was a 17 year old child with brain damage and raging bipolar disorder.
Unfortunately he was always a blackout drinker. He was just sneaky about it for a very long time. He was overall OK until after we married, after my diagnosis, I got better - he didn't - started drinking big time to "cope".
Unlike a lot of relationships I can't just walk off and leave him to live his life. He goes into a nursing home when I walk, he loses his business, his home, even his cat.
That's why all the women in my Al-anon group were divorced - they could walk, and did. I have to think very long and hard before I make that decision.
"You get what you put up with" - Ron is determined to kill himself. With or without me. How would I "not put up with" his behavior without 1. Provoking a huge fight and more drinking on his part and 2. Walking away? Because he said it himself yesterday, you don't like it, walk away.
He has some sort of script in his head where I leave him. For a long time I was "supposed" to leave him for another man like his ex girlfriend. He would even say things to other men like "It's OK if you have sex with her". Then I had to slap the guys down because they thought I was a whore who slept with anything just to get a new tool between her legs. Not fun. Finally got past that - now it is him with the drinking trying to drive me off.
He probably thinks, on some level, he is "saving" me by trying to run me off.
If I need to, I will leave, but once decisions are made I can't just go back to my old life. It all goes away, house and business. I would do my best to keep the cats. That's a massive decision and I want to be very careful.
It is not like "Bobby had a blackout so I moved in with my sister for a few weeks while he got his shit together, then I moved back in". It is one way, with no take backs.
You’re so concerned about what happens to HIM if you leave. What about you? Those women walked away and could and SO CAN YOU. Just because you were a young disabled girl taken advantage of when you got married to him doesn’t mean you have to endure a life of abuse.
And for the love of God, why did you give him a portion control cup. That is helping him.
Also Don’t believe for a second that Ron cares about Biscuit. He only cares about how giving cats treats makes Ron feel. He will absolutely feed that cat whatever he wants when the time arises where he can use it to manipulate and abuse you. He knows Biscuit is your weak point.
Honestly, Ron in a nursing home would be the best thing for you both.
Someone who says you get what you will put up with is victim blaming . There is no way that anyone who goes in to any kind of marriage goes in thinking they are going to get hurt. Then when they do people say “should have seen it coming” well you dont so is it still your fault?
Sending you love Heather
I gave him a portion control cup because he was chugging straight out of the bottle, calling it "one sip" and having blackouts. When he uses the cup he behaves.
Even if Ron doesn't care about Biscuit (I believe he does) he cares about his wallet and knows another "episode" will cost him hundreds of dollars and me very pissed at him. He tries to live his life to avoid me getting pissed at him.
Don't forget if I leave my life drastically changes for the worse. A small example, no more garage to work out in. Probably no more cats. I would hate to do that to them. Living in a marginal neighborhood because it's the only one on a bus line. Finding a job that will take me, not driving... etc. Right now I am making a living working part time in the business and taking care of Ron. That would of course also change.
Spank, my parents should have seen it coming, I was pretty clear in sharing about Ron with her - including the red flags. But she was so eager to get rid of me she talked me out of my concerns. I don't blame them for where I am now but if someone is pointing fingers one has got to go their way. I am still baffled either of them thought it was OK to let me date him.
Sometimes I wonder if he would have ended up like this drinking even without the accident. I believe he would have.
Eventually this will all change. Especially once ron dies. When he does no more job, etc. How are you preparing for that?
Not very well. I am most qualified to do caregiving but really not wanting that road, any more than I want food service (also qualified).
Post a Comment