It's been a bad night when I'm up at 8 AM blasting Linkin Park as Ron sleeps on a pile of donation clothes by the front door. Oh, I hope he didn't pee on them.
It all started a few weeks back with our friend (who drinks) telling Ron he "had" to try flavored vodka, it was "so much better than the plain stuff". That is fine if Ron could hold his liquor. You might think I'd be mad at the guy but I'm not, he was just sharing what he felt was a good idea.
So Ron eventually called Specs (I made it clear I would not walk around and tell him all the flavors), they told him some of the flavors. He picked two, strawberry and watermelon.
And he did really well for about a week. But yesterday he just wanted to be saturated all day and apparently drank more on top of that after I went to bed. Cue drunken demands for several hours all night, shouting for me, stupid stuff.
One example: didn't know words for anything. Kept asking me to move the phone. He meant fridge. I did not move the fridge, where would I put it? Our kitchen is tiny.
At one point he wanted his phone. He kept shouting for it. I said I wasn't going to let him drunk dial people we knew. He said he had made some trips on paratransit "To keep them in the list" . He was very alarmed he might not be able to cancel and would get penalty marks for missed trips. So I brought him his phone. God only knows where it is now.
He was just delusional and obnoxious. He didn't know where he was or how he got there. He was angry, loud, belligerent, and kept bothering me. I kept telling him "It's 1 (2) (3) in the morning please leave me alone and let me sleep." He kept shouting for me. I blew up at him and said if he didn't shut up, I would wake HIM up every 10 minutes tomorrow. That seemed to put a cork in it, mostly, and I went to sleep.
I didn't sleep in, felt I slept late, and got up around 8. I couldn't find Ron for a while. He wasn't in his bed and and he wasn't in the kitchen. I finally found him in the front room in a pile of to-be-donated clothes. It looks more comfortable than the last time I saw him last night.
I don't see his phone anywhere. I hope he didn't lose it. If he just went from kitchen to front door I should be able to find it. I played some Linkin Park, loud, for me.
Ron woke up and started yelling for me. I read him the riot act and told him if I had a whistle I'd be blowing it in his damned ear every 10 minutes. I told him his vodka tasted "too good" and he had no portion control. I told him he couldn't hold his liquor. He just pours 8 ounces in a big cup and drinks that with ice. No wonder he is blacking out. He told me to "go back to sleep". That really ticked me off, I'm not a switch, I don't go on and off like that. When I'm up, I'm up, and I have discovered I am up at 7-8 every day even if I've been kept up all night.
He is still lying on the floor, blocking the doorway. I am not sure when he's getting up but I know he can't stay there forever. A workout is out of the picture, he would probably start bellowing for me in the middle of a squat.
[sigh] No wonder I am cranky, can't workout, didn't get enough sleep. Ron had made a trip to go to the chicken place, departure in an hour. I cancelled it. He is in no shape to go anywhere, not to mention half naked. He will just have to live without his chicken for the day. I'm sure not going with him. He got a penalty late mark but at least the driver didn't burn their gas coming here and then I say "no thanks". I can't even get out the front door to say so.
Ugh. I feel like he's a huge weight on my leg, hobbling me. That's a really awful thing to feel about a spouse. And he can be a good guy at times, but there is nothing good about Ron during a blackout. It is his worst common denominator.
10 comments:
That "friend" is not a friend. Not even in anyway remotely possible. I just wish your cats didn't have to live with this crap. They had no choice but you do. Tell him no more flavored vodka or no more chicken place. Why can't he go to the chicken place alone? What do unmarried blind people with no family or friends do, stay inside all day?
Why do you have to come every time he calls for you? If you know he’s drunk, you came to his call 5 min ago, just ignore him
Better yet leave
Because he has fallen and hurt himself, more than once I found him crawling on the floor leaving a trail of blood. Sometimes he needs to use the urinal urgently and if I don't respond it will not end well. Sometimes he is confused about his location and I tell him.
"Better yet leave" and go WHERE? In my CAR? What about my special needs cat? I can't walk out on him. As I have said repeatedly, I do not have the choices open to the "average" person.
About the first reply, I will ask you a question instead of being sarcastic. How does a blind man in a wheelchair get around by himself? How do you think he gets around now? Who pushes him in the wheelchair? Who takes him to the bathroom? Who rides with him everywhere he goes?
Blind people have variable abilities, it really depends on when they went blind. Those who go blind as children are fiercely independent and can be found navigating large airports in strange cities. Others have less confidence or training. Others still have ADDITIONAL problems like brain injury (check) and stroke (check) that impair their ability to get around. Ron can just barely get to the kitchen and bathroom on his own, that is it. I have serious doubts about him getting out if we had a fire.
There. That was much more dignified than my original thought.
Funny he has NO problem wheeling himself into the kitchen to get himself the vodka. Or do you push him into the kitchen also? I know you bring the vodka bottles into the house for him now. Soon you will have to use a funnel and shovel it down his throat.
You think you know a lot! The delivery man leaves the vodka by the door to the kitchen, Ron gets it from there. If I picked up a bottle of vodka it would be to pour it down the drain.
Why do you get so upset over legitimate questions? You are the one putting it all out there.
Still doesnt explain how he lifts it to pour into a cup since he cant even feed himself.
That isn't me getting upset. Me getting upset would have looked MUCH different. Maybe I need to offer a 1 day shift at my house now and then to get everyone familiar with our routines.
He has about half the strength in the hand right now. He can certainly feed himself, and pour drinks. I didn't stand there and watch him do it, but he managed -womehow-. Like the lady at AA told me, they will always find a way to drink. Not just Ron, all of them.
You know my greatest fear is not Ron dying. I believe I know where he'll go, and he wants to. We have agreed no extreme measures. My greatest fear is Ron dies, I move on with my life, and find a really nice, average looking guy. And he is a gambling addict. Or addicted to something else. That is my greatest fear, from one addict to another.
Out of all the things in life to worry about...
"My greatest fear is Ron dies, I move on with my life, and find a really nice, average looking guy. And he is a gambling addict. Or addicted to something else. That is my greatest fear, from one addict to another."
Yes more than likely you would repeat your pattern. But probably find another alcoholic to date. Probably why after Ron passes you should take at least 1 - 2 years before jumping into another relationship - or just stay single and date and definitely don't let them live with you or vice versa (harder to cut ties that way when you are living together - easier to do so when you maintain your own household). Also don't date anyone you work for and don't work for anyone you date as you see how being reliant on Ron has forced you to stay put.
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