What a day.
I forget why, but I was exhausted when I woke up and reset the alarm. I had planned to do a workout this morning, but did it later. We went to work.
Ron was a little better but not much, I had to help him extensively. We got it all done and came home. After helping Ron with various things I didn't have time for a nap, but I laid down for a little bit with Torbie.
Ron woke up, said he was having a very bad day for pain in his foot. It was coming from his back but manifesting in his foot. This happens with him sometimes.
He drank a fair amount, and barely got in his wheelchair. Our ride came to go to the pain doc. He tried to get in the cab and could not, he had to ride in the wheelchair compartment. I fail to understand, this is two times now, when I yell "WE NEED THE WHEELCHAIR" and the driver is very lazy about getting it back to us, as I'm literally holding Ron up. Then shove it at us and walk off without holding it. I got him in the wheelchair but NO THANKS.
We rode around for a while. An Asian woman in the front seat gossiped in her first language, on the phone, as we took her way off the beaten path, but fairly near the pain doctor.
We got to the pain doc almost an hour early. They took us back and gave us a room, said they would not need urine this month. Doc came in.
I told him about Ron's hand. He was concerned and said Ron needs to get that checked out at an ER. He said "No thanks". Doc did a lot of charting after that - CYA.
He then looked at his notes on Ron's MRI. "Boy, you have a really jacked up back" he remarked. "Shots won't help". I asked what was bad, in particular. I know about the curvature (sideways), I know about the disc disease, arthritis, and stenosis. I asked if it was the actual spine. He said the spinal cord is "very tight in there" and needed surgery.
Ron, again, said no thanks. His last back operation was horrific for both of us. Ron then asked for more pain pills, Doc said no.
That was pretty much it. On the way home, Ron had the driver go through the liquor store and pick up his vodka. [sigh] I was at Taco Bell nearby getting our dinner.
Then we came home, cab driver puts the liquor in the garage, by the door, and left. I pushed Ron in the house. Ron got into the liquor as I was changing for my workout. I told him explicitly I would not help him during my workout, if he needed anything he had better deal with it now.
He asked for one of his burritos. I gave it to him and helped him unwrap it. 12 minutes into my workout I heard a crash. Ron had fallen out of his wheelchair. [curses] I went back to my exercise bike. There is no getting him off the floor when he is drunk like that. I finished the bike portion of my workout, logged it, and then went out in the garage to do shoulders (not a lot, just the basics). I came back in, moved his wheelchair, stepped over him, and got myself a drink. Lemonade, not alcohol.
I poured a glass of milk and got my food, ate it, took my pills. Good, I have fulfilled my primary function. Now I have to do some accounting stuff for the business. Ron will probably be out for a couple of hours.
I just hope I can sleep tonight.
15 comments:
So did the doctors take Ron off the pain pills? I hope so or he is really negligent in is practice.
So the doctor refused to renew his pain pill prescription OR did he just not up the dosage? I don't blame him since he came to the appointment drunk off his ass. Plus said no to all suggestions to get help. Including refusing to go to the ER for his hand. The pain doc is NOT a cardiologist and would not be able to run tests that are needed so it makes sense he was referring him to the ER.
Doc refused to increase the dose. It's been a rough day. Ron has fallen twice tonight already. [sigh]
He fell because he is smashed, right? You should really take away the booze.
Please call 911 and have him transported to the ER. He is passed out on the floor and you suspect he had a stroke recently. I am sorry you are going through this. I will be praying for you and for Ron.
I really think Ron had a stroke based on your description. If Ron wants to be self-defeating, it's on him. He did say No to going to the ER. The interesting thing is that he was worried about his hand but still said No? I don't think he has good judgment at this point. I had a friend die from a second stroke first week of March (she had her first about a few years ago) within that golden frame. I'm still upset that she died in her late 20s - early 30s with a young son and other people still think strokes aren't a big deal when it really is. Take care of yourself and use your best judgement as a caretaker. At this point, I would agree with you about the nursing home. -star_tigress
He fell because he was drunk. That is actually a level, almost like some horrid game, level 4 "Fall out of wheelchair". Level 5 snore on floor. I did watch him once he went down and he moved all arms and legs. When he had sobered up some he asked for help getting into bed and I did that, 3 x. I had planned to do a weight workout today but I think putting Ron in bed counts as both a back and a leg workout. I'm going to treat it as such.
He said he was in pain and mumbled a lot last night, I didn't sleep well as a result. I'm up now and had my Mountain Dew so I'm good.
I agree he needs to be seen. I plan to let my aunt know what happened, talk to her today. She had a big family event going last week and I didn't want to pull her off. He respects them (aunt and uncle). Uncle also had a bad stroke some 20 years ago.
About the alcohol, if I am dropped at Taco Bell to get dinner, he has already called the liquor store to hold 5 huge bottles of strawberry vodka, has cab driver take him to get it, pays, and comes back for me not much I can do. He is really acting like an addict.
Years ago, my sister amusingly/annoyingly did an "intervention" with me over my diet soda consumption. I was quite offended she treated my diet soda usage as some sort of psychological and physical crisis. I had told her all my test results were fine on my last blood test and Doc was OK with my usage. Anyway, she took me to a shrink and had it done, I basically laughed at her. I drink less soda now because I sleep better. But I wasn't the big addict she was making me out to be.
On the other hand, Ron needs help. The last time he was confronted with his drinking, by my aunt and uncle, he said it was because I was a bad housekeeper, it drove him to drink. Frustrating.
I also need to get him in a bath before he goes to the doctor because he needs one. It has been a while and the wipes can only do so much. Red flags will go up if I take him in like this. It has been impossible to get him in a bath the last little while so I will have to finesse that, too. I scrubbed out the tub, his last time he complained about some soap scum.
I feel like he's in a spiral, and if I'm not careful he will take me, too.
You can give him a bed bath. Hospitals do that.
I'm going to give him that option. First I will let him choose today or tomorrow. Then bed or tub bath. He makes it hard to take care of him.
Once he is clean I'm going to take the fitted sheet and burn it. Ugh. I have a fresh sheet to go on.
Then, in my happy dream, we do some physical therapy with his stretchy band.
Who cares if he gets 5 bottles of vodka you need to tell him that there will be no more vodka in the house or the garage. That is it, it's over. He said if he got the pain pills he would stop drinking. Now he uses both.
Not to mention he has not bathed in months and how does a person use handiwipes to get their ass clean? I mean that's gotta be some stankness right there. Plus his bedding is rarely if ever washed which is disgusting in itself. Not to mention the potential for MRSA, staph, ring worm and so many other things he can contract and give to you and the cats from the unsanitary situation going on in your house. It seems you have the power here but are letting him dictate what is going to happen. Seems like the insurance can have someone come once a week to give him a bath and do these things since you are incapable of doing them.
If he won’t take a bath just let the doc/nurse know he has been refusing. They would understand given his condition. I’m sure they deal with things like this all the time and worse. Praying for you
Do you want him? You can have him if you think you can do so much better. ( @ long post yelling at me)
If I can get him to the doctor for diagnostics I will definitely let them know. I have seen a "neuro" exam many times and I know they will be looking at his feet, which are pretty bad.
Heather good thing you have this blog to vent your frustrations. I know you're trying to honor your vows and Ron is making it hard. Seems we're forgetting Ron is human and you love him. I know you both didn't sign up for this struggle ((hugs))
The point I think that is trying to be made is that you are the caregiver. It is your responsibility to make sure that bedding is at least changed. There are plenty of opportunities to do that when he is drinking in the kitchen or passed out on the floor.
Now you can't exactly throw him in a bath tub but I think looking into medicare options for a once a week caregiver may be an option to take some burden off of yourself.
Not to mention your ridiculous insistence that your money is separated. You are married for pete's sake. That means ALL the money is both of your not just his. Do you file taxes jointly or does he insist it is married but filing separate? It is nonsense since you do almost ALL of the work at that business that he pays you a freaking allowance as if he is doing you a favor. I hope you are on the savings and checking accounts. Though I would not be surprised if you were not.
Even more pathetic is this fools insistence on expensive dental work when he doesn't even take care of his teeth or brush them. Ridiculous waste of money. But since he is the MAN in the relationship it seems you do pretty much whatever he says. Yet you do not go in to take care of your own teeth. That is wrong.
I think someone mentioned having a discussion about end of life directives and you both should do that.
I know his end of life wishes. He doesn't want to suffer. I will make sure of that and I'm sure it won't be a problem because it is always cheaper to let someone go than to save them.
If Ron had known he'd end up like this he probably wouldn't have married me. But a family member went for a run one day, young and healthy, had a massive stroke. It is impossible to know what will happen.
About the other post, yes, I have access to savings. Not much kept in his checking, just enough to cover bills for the month. I only change the sheet when he has a bath, no sense putting a dirty body in a clean bed or vice versa.
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