Not sharing

Still have the headache, but I ate a banana around 11.  Tasted good and went down OK, stayed down, so at least I have something. 

Don't know if I mentioned it but down another pound today - this is not how I want to lose weight.  Fasting, yes, horrible medication rebound headaches, no.  But it is better than it was yesterday.  I have a sunny window behind my computer screen.  It is covered with a curtain but still bright.  I can pretty much stand to look at it today. 

Ron got up, was pretty ugly from the get-go, started drinking.  He likes to use money like a club.  He was threatening to "dock my pay" for something that wasn't my fault.  I will remind you I make about $400-500 a month after my insurance.  He makes a lot more.  I ignored him and took a shower.  He didn't like that much and kept making rude remarks about washing my privates.  I ignored him. 

Some days I really regret leaving my moderate-paying job to go work for him.  I trusted he would "take care of me".  In some ways, he has not. 

I got a message from our driver, the truck problems are not fixed and it is not looking good for Saturday.  I will tell Ron later. 

I got dressed and went out to Ron, still ugly and belligerent.  I asked him if he would like to go back to bed.  He threw back another shot and said yes. 

He had a horrible time getting into bed but didn't want any help.  He can get ugly if I do help and he's said no, so I left him.  I heard a lot of cursing but no thump, and when I looked he was securely in bed. 

I have made a decision.  After a bad pain night for Ron, I decided to buy an herb, legal in Texas, which will remain un-named.  It is not pot.  It has a good reputation for helping people in chronic pain.  However, 2 things, it can cause erratic behavior in some, and it can cause dependence if over used. 

I'm not sure which blackout turned on my light, but I realized if Ron is already acting erratically, having delusions and severe confusion while drunk, wrecking things just because he can, abusing alcohol, ugly with it, falling, and drinking "to tune out" he does not need this in addition. 

So when it comes I will stick it in the disaster kit and use it for my migraines.  I am curious to see how it works.  I will try it one day when I am at home.  What I got for my use is a powder, they suggest 2 grams to start.  I will take a quarter teaspoon.  It apparently helps very well with pain.  The only real pain I have are the headaches but they are pretty severe. 

I will have to be careful because I can get the same type of headache I have now, if I over use it.  Based on what I have read no more than 1-2 times a week, or 9 times a month.  I don't have that many acute headaches so that should work. 

I don't plan to tell Ron about it because he will just want to abuse it to get high.  People like Ron are the reason they want to ban the stuff - they abuse other drugs, then take the herb, kill themselves from the other stuff they took, but the ME blames the herb.  One guy had 9 other drugs in his system when they autopsied, but it was the herb's fault?  I don't think so. 

Ron is yelling in his room but not at me.  It's not looking good for a nap today. 

But the doctor's office robo-called me to let me know they put in my refill.  I am always happy to pick those up.