I was very invested in proving myself and painting myself in a good light the first several years of the blog. That the in laws and basically the world were in the wrong, and I in the right. That Saint Heather rode to the rescue when Ron needed her most and we had a happy ending.
Of course real life is MUCH more complex than that.
But I did think of one thing I did that I'm proud of doing. After Ron's accident the medical people were very grim. Essentially, Ron had the worst head injury you could have while still keeping the brains in the skull. So, understandably, they were pretty pessimistic about his odds of having what they called "A good outcome". 21 years, 6 months later I think he did pretty well considering.
But he was definitely impaired. He'd had a stroke "on my right side" as he always said, he of course had the stroke on the left side and it affected his right. I didn't know how to work with that, the fact he had "sternal precautions" from open heart surgery, broken ribs (right side) and a badly broken leg that required surgery (but Dr Tucker did a great job on that one). They had him in a skilled nursing floor with 24/7 care but made it clear he would not be staying for long.
The in laws just planned to legally abandon him, to refuse to care for him and then have him become a ward of the state and placed in some (hellhole) facility, where he'd likely die pretty quick. I had other plans.
But first I had to learn how to take care of him. I began by asking the doctors for classes. They said "We don't offer anything like that, but it is a good idea" (they later began a program). I asked the nurses. They were "too busy". And I understood that because I had read some biographies of nurses (Echo Heron in particular). I begged one nurse for help, crying and telling her the in laws plans for Ron if I wasn't able to take care of him and how desperately I needed to learn these skills.
This is back when they kept "the chart" as pages of paper in a big plastic binder. Everyone who cared for Ron would look in the chart before helping him and then make notes after they left.
She looked at me for a moment and gave me a piece of paper "Write a note" she said kindly "to the staff, asking for help. I will put this in the front of the chart". So I basically begged for help/training on how to care for Ron so I could take him home and get him better.
And wow. What a result! EVERYONE came in that room, "I read your note" they'd start. "I'm going to teach you how to..." (make a bed with him in it, give him a bed bath, transfer to commode chair, etc. By the time he left I was READY. I knew it. My FIL knew it (and signed over custody), the social worker, the physical therapist, ALL the nurses and nurse aides knew it.
I thank God every day for that kindly nurse and her suggestion. Our story could have had a horrible ending if she hadn't done that.
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