I had a lot on my mind last night

 Not much of it related to "the pest".  

One canon of mine, since well before Ron's accident, I say it.  

If I have feelings for someone I let them know.  Women tell me you don't do that, you let him chase you.  I don't know how to do that.  If someone matters to me I think they should know that.  

Especially if they are trying to be respectful of my grief.  

The exception was Beau, last year, I figured out pretty quickly he was only after my mango-chili lollipops.  That was embarrassing.  

Another thing that killed it for me, he had left the store to seek medical care back home, when he returned he reapplied for his old job and the boss didn't want him back.  And they are always hiring in that department!  

I respect a good worker.  That's one thing about the bus driver he is a very good worker, he runs that schedule like a watch and ALWAYS got me to my transfer.  Other drivers on the route could never do that, meaning I had to go home later every day.  I respect that.  

He is also a very tranquil and soothing presence which is such a nice change from virtually everyone I know.  

The funny thing he probably sees me looking my worst, every day.  A long ride to work, a long day at work, walking to the bus stop, waiting in the heat and humidity, I'm not looking fresh.  But he always smiles at me.  

I don't know what I'm going to say other than explain my coworker wants to give me rides and chases me down at the bus stop if I don't wait for her.  I will let God guide me on that.  

Purple is my power color, I'm wearing that.  I probably resemble a purple grape but I'm OK with that.  

I am also debating what to say on Facebook, if anything, since my stalker admitted to being active there.  

Fitbit says I got 5 hours of sleep last night which sounds about right.  

I left a lot unsaid with my birthmother and this probably stems from that; and also the fact I had a very bad feeling "something" was going to happen (I thought it would happen to me) in late 2002 right before Ron's accident.  I told him how I felt, that I loved him and had forgiven him his cheating, and the things I valued about the time I had spent with him.  The night before his accident he was asking the impossible from me at work and we had a blowup.  He came back later and apologized.  I almost told him to shove it.  

Can you imagine me sitting in the ICU waiting room 12 hours later knowing that's what I said?  So I forgive.  I move on.  

And I tell people they matter.  I don't know how I will do that but I will figure it out and ask God to lead me.