I'm a little manic today, that happens sometimes with a migraine, I get over it, and my mood flips. I was depressed, now a little manic. I don't know how long it will last.
I just checked in on Ron, and I saw his foot twitch, so I know he's still alive.
I was thinking about kids. How I didn't want the work. I didn't want the responsibility of caring for them 24/7. How I wanted to sleep all night, every night.
Here I am. I have work, caring for Ron and helping to run the business. I have the responsibility of making sure he takes his supplements, bathing him, making sure he looks OK, etc.
I sure don't get my sleep every night.
I worry about him, I worry about me if something happens to him - will I be blamed? I told Ron today if he mixes alcohol and pain medicine I could be up on criminal charges. He laughed. I didn't think it was funny.
I think about everything in terms of how it would affect Ron. I don't think as much about myself.
I'm not saying Ron's my "baby". I'm not saying I'm his "mother".
But God is teaching me the lessons I didn't want to learn.
7 comments:
So now we know why Ron didn't have detox in the nursing home/rehab after his back surgery. They had him drugged up on opiods and he was flying. Seems like at least with the opiods he is a nicer person. So I say get the man opiods and off the alcohol.
This is so scary, I can not imagine a doctor that would give an alcoholic in as bad a shape as Ron is, opioids. You have a court case not the other way around. No one should come after you when he makes a stupid mistake it’s the pills and booze, the doctor made a tremendously bad choice to prescribe Ron these drugs. I am dumbfounded.
Comment 1 - he wasn't drinking as much back then, either. Not as often. He would have a few drinks a day for a while, then a blackout (like the time he fell off his walker and split the back of his head open), then go back to moderate drinking for a while. He stopped drinking altogether after a conversation with an anesthesiologist, a few days before the actual surgery.
Comment 2 - Yes, it's all over his papers that Ron abuses alcohol. We need *something*, though, he does have horrible pain. He is currently in the man cave screaming periodically. So, he needs something. I just hope the pain pills will do well enough that he won't "need" the alcohol anymore. Wishful thinking, I know.
Interesting about how you say he wasn't drinking as much back then. So all the verbal abuse was just ron being his own charming self. Good to know.
Screaming in pain doesn’t mean the pain is as severe as the screaming. Ron screams when you bath him. I don’t doubt his pain I doubt this is the way it should be treated. People live daily with agonizing pain . You let be with pain not everyone screams in pain that is behavior not a symptom. He hates pain it the response for him is to be anxious and mean. I am sorry Heather I see patients with horrific pain who do not scream. You do you bug hugs !!!
Ron had NINE eye operations with no painkiller. He is no lightweight when it comes to pain.
I'm certainly not going to be the person to say "Your pain is not that bad" because, guess what, **I don't know**. So I would rather lean on the side of empathy than be the other person.
I'm just doing my best to take care of myself in all this.
He's always been verbally abusive. Especially since the accident, he gets overwhelmed easily and has meltdowns. Drinking just makes it worse.
One reason I, a lot like an autism parent, try to limit stimulus.
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