Well, I can't talk much about this morning. I will say I slept pretty well, did not wake up with a headache, and was glad I had already shaved my legs. I gave Baby Girl her dose of flea medicine and watched as she slithered in and out under my chair.
Ron needed a lot of help today; but he would not accept it. He wouldn't ask, and when I helped him (on some occasions, I absolutely had to help him regardless of what he wanted) he was brutal, abusive, etc. Threatening me with violence, which might have been intimidating, but, coming from a blind stroke victim in a wheelchair, came off as simply pathetic.
He was utterly awful. I understood his back was bothering him but that is no excuse.
One thing that came up: when we finally got home, he never wants me to offer an opinion, or have suggestions for him. I'm supposed to ask if I'm allowed to share it. Then he will tell me yes or no.
Now, most of the day I think I did OK for a human being. I didn't smack him, didn't yell back, helped him every time he needed it, which was a lot. I may have been a little resentful internally, rolled my eyes, sighed quietly, but I stopped whatever I was doing everytime and ran to help him.
But I was not going to take the opinion thing. I told him no, I wasn't going to do that. If he wanted a woman like that he should have married a sweet, quiet, muslim woman with her mouth zipped shut. But I was going to offer opinions when I felt they were merited. We went back and forth for a while on this without a clear resolution.
I am not a submissive wife. God has never led me to that and I am my own woman.
What started it: he, everytime he hears the garage door open, thinks it sounds "bad" (it works fine), thinks "it needs grease" and "I need to call the company". He wanted to call the company to come and do a checkup. He might as well put $100 down the garbage disposal. It works fine. Don't mess with something that's working.
But that was an opinion. And not one he wanted, so he shouted at me.
It was just a stupid example of how my day went today. I am totally unsurprised I have a headache. I'm just surprised the Excedrin is working.
I don't get how horrible Ron is to me, the literal only person who is helping him. Without me he has a terrible quality of life, no cats, no independence, no meals out, no business, no home, no love - nothing. And he repays me with verbal abuse, humiliation, and threats of violence.
I don't want butt kissing or adoration. Appreciation would be nice, and occasionally he does barf up a hairball of gratitude, but he has got to cease on the verbal abuse.
Today was a good taste of what I can expect if he gets dementia. And if he does, he's going away.
4 comments:
Thank god you are not submissive like many whacked out christian women that are taught this is how they are supposed to be from a misogynistic based religion. Glad you were able to say NO to wasting $100 on the garage door. I don't understand why his mental and physical state seems to be quickly escalating down hill. Maybe a trip to a neurologist is in order?
I have to think it's the drinking makes him deteriorate. I believe his veins in his throat are bleeding (that is his PCP's theory as well) and causing the blood loss/anemia, which leads to a lot of his current weakness issues.
Alcohol is brain poison. When he was in the hospital - every time he is in the hospital, his thinking is much clearer even with a lack of sleep, etc. Because he isn't drinking. Then he gets out and heads for the bottle and gets "demented" again.
He's just such an awful person when he drinks. I have taped him and played it back when he was sober, he was horrified but he went right back to drinking. Just said he would drink less and he could handle it now. Until he couldn't.
This is all going to come to a head somehow, not sure how. But I believe this will be addressed pretty soon.
you have never done a single thing to warrant the abuse he flings at you. The Houston Area Womans Program has help and you can get it when you are ready.
he is absolutely abusing you and alcohol and you do not deserve this under any circumstances and not for any reason.
I have had to be careful because after following you literally for years and having so much admiration for you and the strength you have.
your physical woes are due much to his behavior ..yes you are bipolar and have some other mh issues but you take care of that and deal with it the way you are supposed to .
I truly believe if you left for a few months you would stop having headaches and probably feel so much better .
My dad is an alcoholic. He just found out he has 30% of his heart left and his kidneys are going bad.
He won't make himself anything to eat because he's too tired but he can walk to the refrigerator for beer. I can't care anymore my back has been in a knot all week.
Maybe stress is causing your headaches.
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