So, Ron kept me up all night. I asked him, at 4 AM (yeah, Saturdays are real fun for me) if he wanted me to cover his shift today. I can do his work, I just needed to know so we could cancel the ride. He said no, he would work.
I took a shower and got dressed. Ron isn't looking any better. He asks me if I will cover his shift. I told him, yes, I would, but you should have said yes when I asked you an hour ago. Now you will get in trouble with paratransit.
No, he said, not if I'm sick. He called in and got it cancelled.
I finished with my preparations and waited until 6:30. Sam's opens at 7. Jack comes at 8:30, or something like that (usually later).
I called the cab company. They have caller ID and asked me if I was at (home address) I pushed a button and told them my name. Pretty soon I got a phone call from a nice man with an accent, he was in the driveway. I got my stuff and left. He was a nice man, listening to Christian music. That told me he was a Christian, if I hadn't spotted the Bible.
Nice that he can display his faith on the job. I wish I could. Well, when things are going well I wish I could.
I went in the store. Everyone's looking for Ron. The greeter tried to offer me a slice of lemon loaf cake. Ron and I love that cake. It only comes in a combo pack with less desirable cakes. I said no.
I did my shopping, used my judgement to buy what I thought we needed. I know we have been low on "candy bars" so I bought a lot of granola bars. They have a much better food cost, in some cases almost a third the cost of a candy bar.
I finished up and paid. I went outside to wait on Jack. I don't have his number and he doesn't have mine. I could see he was on the phone when he pulled up. He took a minute getting out of the truck.
He told me he had called Ron, as usual, and Ron didn't know what day it was. When Jack told him it was Saturday he told Jack to go back home. But Jack had seen me by then. I'm glad Ron didn't run him off, that would have sucked. I would have had to return EVERYTHING and take another cab to go home.
We got the truck loaded and went to work. We unloaded the truck and Jack left after exchanging numbers. I hope his wife is OK with that.
I got everything into the building. I was feeling bitter, and resentful. I didn't do any of Ron's work. He can do it on Monday. I did my work, some of it.
The way I view Saturdays, my big job is getting everything into the building and stored properly. The stocking can generally wait until Monday.
And I was TIRED. Remember Ron kept me up all night moaning and crying.
I tried to call Ron a couple of times, nothing. I finally got ahold of him right before I left. I locked up everything, went outside, and called a cab driver we use a lot.
He works the general area of work. I called him first - it's a good trip - and he accepted happily. When I was most of the way home Ron called and said he wanted more vodka. The driver said that was fine, but Ron would have to "call it in" so he would get the right thing.
And Ron was so drunk, on the phone, I am amazed he ended up getting what he wanted. He was totally incoherent.
At least he wasn't complaining about his back anymore. I put up the garage door when the driver came back, so he could put up the vodka, and shut it after he left.
I ate a bunless hot dog from Sam's, along with some cottage cheese and my pills. I figured better to get the pills early today.
Then I took a nap, after reminding Ron I needed my sleep. I heard very little noise but I did hear, right before I got up, the classic sound of Ron hitting the floor. I got up and took some headache pills. I had a headache, but it wasn't as bad today.
Surprising.
I went to the kitchen. Not only was Ron on the floor, but he'd thrown up. What a mess.
He was snoring. I left him asleep. He only now woke up. Requesting "2 or 3" paper towels, then more, then more. I got sick of it and told him he made a big mess that would need a lot of paper towels, and gave him the whole roll.
What a day. I did have a good nap with Biscuit, and Torbie ran around on me for a while, across me one way, then across the other. She is pretty cute.
I just pray I can sleep OK tonight.
14 comments:
Did you take away the pain killers at least? I know Al Anon says to let him deal with the entire mess but this is a really dangerous road that Ron is on, especially with medication. Did Al Anon talk about that one too? If you can't do that, be ready to have the paramedics enter your place at likely times when Ron is usually drinking. I know you don't like the idea but with this, this is REALLY dangerous. Trust me. I've been there where Ron is now and ended up in the hospital without meaning to. Did you let the doctor know at least? -star_tigress
TOLD the doctor about the drinking, very clear on that. Mentioned it twice in the paperwork and then during the interview. I don't know where he put the pain pills but I will say he views them as "worthless" so unlikely to take with alcohol.
Pretty sure I put the fear of God into him about mixing the drugs and alcohol. I will give him another lecture when he sobers up. But as of now, he views vodka as the "only" effective pain med.
The thing that kills me, he's been passed out on the floor for hours, sleeping in his wheelchair before that. If his back was mad before it will really be mad now. And then he will go to more vodka. No way to get him up even if he wasn't covered in puke.
Al anon "cover them with a blanket". Well, I have done that twice. Both times I had to wash the blanket.
I think ron is lying about the meds not working and the actual extent of his back pain.
I might agree, but I'm actually living with the man. He is in extreme pain.
I don't know why it worked for 2 days and not the third. I don't know why Ron's pain doctor has been so evasive.
I just hope he can figure something out.
That medication he is taking is neurotonin. It’s for peripheral nerve pain. Which I know you said he has. But maybe that’s not addressing the back issue. However I tend to agree with the other commenter that he’s not in as much pain as he portrays. It’s his excuse to drink. It’s a typical addict tactic. Like you mentioned in the blog post where even you doubted his pain. You said he used to need vodka to sleep.
It didn’t “work” for the third day because he missed his alcohol.
Way to go getting Ron his vodka today. Glad to see you are at least trying to be a loving wife and help him get his pain relief.
Ron got himself the vodka. I hate the stuff. If last night is any indication, vodka isn't working for the pain anymore.
Ron takes the neurontin for nerve disease, separate from his back. He can't handle any rubbing on his skin, for instance. Tingling-burning-pain in his skin, front, back, legs, arms.
THEN he has the back trouble.
"When I was most of the way home Ron called and said he wanted more vodka. The driver said that was fine, but Ron would have to "call it in" so he would get the right thing. "
Technically yes you did buy him the vodka. Since you talked to him on the phone and the cab you were in went to the store to get the vodka. Let's just say you facilitated the vodka pickup.
WRONG. I had the driver let me out at home. Ron gave him the money. I went in the house and did nothing until the cab driver came back, then I put up the garage door so he could put the demon juice in the garage.
I did not go to the liquor store. I won't go, and Ron knows that. The worst I have ever done is sit outside the liquor store in the cab with Ron, while the driver goes in to get it.
But easy to point fingers, especially when you're not sleep deprived from your loved one screaming in agony all night, for nights in a row. I would do just about anything to make it stop. Anything, but buy him vodka.
I still say he is using the pain pills not working as an excuse to drink. It just does not make sense they would work for 2 days in a row and then all of a sudden on the 3rd day no pain. From what I have read, doctors are unable to treat/cure his back. That this is something he will have to live with until he passes. What a terrible way to live life. Did you go to an actual pain clinic or just a regular doctor? It doesn't sound like he did much, other then drug test him and give him some medication. Maybe you need to find a different doctor.
Another solution may be medical marijuana or cannabis oil. I believe it is legal now in Houston. Much better than the drinking. Something to consider if it is at all possible? I know they have limited dispensaries in TX for it.
Truly sad folks jump right to blaming you. Or subtly twist blame towards you. The reality he will do whatever he can to the end of his life to get his vodka and Heather you in my option need as much emotional support and reminders that you are of value in this world and nothing he has ever said to you in anger is valid but it wears on your soul and dimiishes your spirits so please remember this is not hiow you life was intended.
Wish you well dear girl
We went to a certified pain doctor. I am going to ask Ron tomorrow if he wants to continue with this guy, or see another. He only seems good (in my opinion) for screwing things up. That is a problem if Ron is going to be on opiods, which have a terrible withdrawal.
For the next step, I would try cannabis oil, but Ron has proven surprisingly resistant for a former pothead. To my understanding, it is a misdemeanor to possess less than an ounce - it doesn't even go on your record if you attend a drug class. If I go that route I won't be able to talk about it because it is, technically, still illegal here.
Our new DA is a Democrat, and if she had her way would probably legalize it. Put Ron in court looking the way he does and I doubt it would be a harsh sentence.
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