Ron sobered up a little, went to the bathroom (with a lot of help), and went to the kitchen, for, he said, one drink "because his legs were hurting". Well, one drink turned into more than one and he ended up causing an avalanche of frozen food in the freezer because he refuses to reach into the ice cube compartment and get his ice. He wants to pull the whole thing out, which causes avalanches, and then I have to "fix" it.
I asked him to keep his ice in a ziplock bag so he could just pull the bag out and leave the tray, but he objected and made a lot of comments about the freezer. I have a couple of pounds of sausage. A couple of pounds of pork roast, and 6 pounds of chicken in the freezer, along with 2 ice bottles and one frozen TV dinner. I don't think that is unreasonable.
And it made me realize, Ron is so far into addiction he will most likely not stop drinking. I really doubt he is able to stop, it has it's tentacles so far into him he drinks during a blackout. He can go days without drinking, but he won't.
He talks a lot about how he has to have alcohol for "The Pain" but he went days in the hospital just a few months ago, with nothing stronger than Tylenol. He never once complained about pain or asked for alcohol. Smiling all the time. Joked I took control of the TV remote when I visited.
It makes me wonder how much of the pain is in his head. And that's really sad to write, that I doubt that Ron is really in much pain at all. He acts like it, he says he is, but it all revolves around alcohol. I remember a couple (?) of years ago Ron kept saying he had to drink, because it was the only thing that helped him sleep. I asked him why he didn't want to get a sleeping pill instead, he couldn't answer me. Swore up and down he had to have alcohol to sleep, but when he was in the rehab hospital he always slept fine. With no alcohol. Now it's "for the pain".
I did an online query, asked some friends if they felt alcohol really helped with pain control. They had mixed opinions but the gist of it was that pharmaceuticals were much better for pain than alcohol. And yet it's taken Ron this long to get to the point where he's willing to take pharmaceuticals.
He doesn't care if he falls out of his wheelchair, is too drunk to work or go out, verbally abuses me, makes horrible messes, babbles like an idiot, spends all his time trying to communicate with angry grunts. I have to yell at him to speak, damnit, I can't understand you. He doesn't care if he hurts himself, breaks things, hurts me, scares the cats. Nothing is more important than the next drink.
Ron doesn't "need to go in a nursing home". He is fine when he's sober. He is a productive citizen who does a good job of taking care of himself. He needs to quit drinking. When he drinks he is a burden on society, and me. When he's sober he is not.
If anything, Ron needs to go to rehab. But, sober, he is not at the point of needing a nursing home.
13 comments:
So put him in a freaking rehab for 30 days. Just do something. This is just getting pathetic. Both him and you.
He has to want to quit. But he doesn’t want to. He makes excuses. So he most likely won’t. So what then?
I think about the verse about the drunkkard not entering heaven and wonder about my dad who just passed on Sunday. My dad went to church regularly but the verse haunts me.
Do you think that verse from God's word would scare him to sober up or would he just mock God?
First of all, I'm going to give you another hug ((((Hugs)))). My alcoholic mother was found dead about 17 years ago, and it was only on the autopsy we discovered it was her heart and not a suicide.
Ron wouldn't receive anything from the Bible right about now. He shouts at God and calls Him "Torture man" or "Torch" for short. He is very profane and disrespectful. I have to figure God's love is bigger than Ron'a hate. I feel like I'm stuck between two people I love, one hates the other.
Then Ron says stuff like "Don't lose your faith over me but God's a real...." And goes on for a while.
Thanks for the hug and ((hug)) you too. You're still in the battle.
Rehab, Ron has to want it for it to work. I am writing all this to show what alcohol can do to people.
Ron's family has a history of drinking problems. So did mine. I decided to opt out of drinking before I really started, and save myself all the pain. He did not. He has still not decided to opt out of drinking. If a person has a genetic predisposition, this is where they end up, on the floor flopping around like a fish, begging for help.
We will see what happens today.
Ron is very smart and the sad thing about a smart addict is he is totally thinking about the pain meds and how high he can get mixing them with his vodka . Sadly ithe more he thinks he can control this the more he has a chance of killing himself with the combo . Is he going to take charge of his meds or can you dole them out for him? This is terrifying and I wonder what kind of doctor knowing his history with alcohol would give him narcotics ? Is that what he got? You did not say but wow that would be a recipe for death . If anything does happen to him as a result of the pain meds I would take the doctors to court.
Good luck with this I wish you both well Heather I am so sorry you are going through this ..each and every day I wish you peace in your life.
" If a person has a genetic predisposition" then obviously this has nothing to do with free will then does it. For the person above there is NO such thing as heaven or hell. We all go to the same place when we die. Some reincarnate and others transcend to the next level in the spirit realm. So don't worry about your dad he is probably already reborn into another human body right now.
Spank, Ron had me write down he takes 6 drinks a day. Every day. He also wrote that his current pain (well, I write for him) was a 1-2 "only because I drank vodka". So they know. He wants to be in charge, he will be.
If he kills himself with it maybe I can sue the doctor.
About genetic predisposition, if they are disposed, they are. It doesn't negate free will. Especially if they know they are prone to having a problem. I find it hypocritical how Ron will go on and on about some of his alcoholic family members but can't see his own dirt.
Best thing my stepmother did for me: HEATHER YOU CAN NEVER, EVER, DRINK. EVER! Best advice ever. I was smart enough to take it.
I don't agree with your spirituality but I know you are sharing it to console my other reader, so I'm posting it. :)
A genetic disposition certainly does negate free will. Same as your fetal alcohol syndrome negates some of your ability to exercise your free will completely. Had you been born before antipsychotic meds were available you would have lived your life in a mental institution (if they had them back then) and subjected to some very, very bad things to try and cure you. So when a person has a mental illness and other disorders from a brain and genetic stand point they do not have the free will a supposed normal person does.
So not everyone starts out on a level playing field, do they? Not exactly what I would call a fair and just and loving god. But that's just me.
So Ron blacks out on 6 drinks a day - I call B.S. on that one. Why lie to the doctor. Why not say he gets blackout drunk and can't get up off the floor, etc? I doubt he measures his alcohol.
I am all for suing when it is deserved BUT you and Ron both need to take responsibility for the pain meds and the end results of him using them. Since it seems you weren't really upfront with the doc about the severity of his drinking and problem with drinking why would you sue the doctor if he overdosed?
The fact that as his caregiver YOU refuse to hold onto the meds and give them to him in the prescribed dosage is ridiculous. After all you bathe him, cook for him, do the laundry, etc. What is 1 more thing to do for him?
Don’t you dare sue a doctor if Ron kills himself mixing his pain pills and vodka. Don’t ruin a persons life because Ron disregarded the medical advice given to him. You also said they made him sign something stating he would not drink, no? So no, you won’t be suing the doctor.
I wouldn't, but this doctor has proven to be less than reliable. Read today's post for more details, cost us 2 hours waiting at the pharmacy just to get 7 day's worth of pills.
Ron wants to manage his own medication. To be honest, he does a better job than I do, he notes the times on a recorder and is very diligent about checking the recorder. I don't do that. I take my pills sometime every day, headache pills as needed, leave it at that. Since Ron does a better job let him do a better job.
I don't know how much he drinks a day. Al-anon (which everyone sang the high praises) says don't keep track. So I don't. It is at least 6 and I think most doctors know people will round down.
And no, they did not make him sign something saying he wouldn't drink. They made him sign he would not sell it, and would be urine tested, but nothing about drinking (I was looking for that). Drinking was never mentioned, by the pharmacist (who had just heard he was drinking), or the doctor. There was a small note in the papers they gave us but Ron is blind and couldn't read them. I read it to him but he already knew because _I_ had told him.
But he took it so we will see how it goes.
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