Uneventful trip to church, service was good, Advent and all. Some of the songs talked about resurrection and that always makes me teary. The first Easter service after Ron's death (another church) I was weeping tears pouring down my face as the pastor talked about Jesus raising the dead. So I can stick a hanky in my little purse.
I did notice a lot of people coughing during the service so I didn't feel bad when I inadvertently sneezed during a prayer.
I didn't talk much with people. I headed back out and caught the bus.
I went to the grocery store and got more candy (I go through a lot). They also had these little marshmallow things I got
It's a nice amount of marshmallows and you get 30 bags to the sack. I gave one to the (very curious) cashier and ate one (not bad, not sure if I will buy again, I won't be eating more but think they are OK for drivers).
It was not fun lugging it all home (carrot juice was very heavy) but I got it. I did get some cole slaw and some salad greens.
I took a nap with Biscuit who was very cute. He's my gift from God, just pure love. He's so soft and cuddly. I never pick them up, any of them, I don't believe in forcing my will on them for cuddles. And they repay me by getting on me quite frequently (Spotty, this morning, all over my black church dress and shedding profusely). I would rather that kind of cuddle, than picking them up and them struggling while I kiss them or hug them.
Besides, with a cat allergy I'm not supposed to kiss or hug them.
Now, all that said I will confine them for medication or whatever. Cleo was completely unmanageable after her spay so I put her medicine in the wet food and she would eat a little of that, that was the best I could do with her. Biscuit is very amenable to medication he had a gram-negative food poisoning some time back and I had to give him antibiotics, he was a very good boy, he didn't struggle much or fight me at all. Spotty from what I recall was OK with getting pain meds after his neuter that's the only time he's ever needed anything.
And they're pretty good about "taking" their Advantage (topical flea medication goes on the back of the neck) as well I think because I am not manhandling them in the name of cuddles. I think that's a very profound respect issue if you have cats.
I do hear some cats LIKE being picked up but I have never had one, in about a dozen cats, that did. They all struggled to get away. Maybe I smell bad (grin).
I had one Siamese (a stray), the rest have all been pure Alley Cat. Remember that cat food? Alley Cat? It was the absolute cheapest worst stuff available. I had to feed it to my guys some 20 years ago when times were really bad. I was eating beans and rice and the cats were eating Alley Cat. But they seemed to like it. Now they get Iams, they love it, their coats look fantastic, and Biscuit is in perfect health (this the cat the vet told me to put down, his prognosis was so bad - kind of like Ron come to think). I love Iams.
One time I did a post about Cabot cheese, their bot found me and they left a very nice comment on the blog. Still a fan of that cheese, by the way!
I don't care if Iams reads that they deserve to know they have given me a lot of peace and happiness knowing I'd feeding quality stuff to the cats.
My aunt suggested I make my taco casserole for my own dinner so I thawed out a bag of taco meat. It is good. I got the HEB Charro Refried Beans with that, some shredded cheddar. Good, good, stuff. I plan to make some for lunch tomorrow, too, with a little salsa.
I think it's very important to feed myself quality foods (the majority of the time). One day I had an epiphany. How would I pack a lunch for someone I loved, like a husband or child? Why couldn't I do that for myself? So I have tried to do that. I don't always succeed and probably one day a week I'm eating something from the deli at work, but I'm trying.
Christian culture talks a lot - at least the devotionals I read - about dying to yourself and putting Jesus on the throne, not Self. That is vital. It is also important to value myself as a child of God, one Jesus died for and values. That I have to respect and value myself as His child while keeping Him on the throne. That's the trick! Still figuring that out.
If I don't respect myself, and see myself as a person of value, I am going to be victimized again. And I am done being cussed out, kept up all night, beaten black and blue, and worse. I am done with that.
I have been "lucky" so far literally the only men "interested" in me were interested in the mango chili lollipops I carried in my work vest, the diet Mountain Dew in same, or some other candy I carried to work. It could have been a lot worse. God protected me.
That is probably the #1 reason I am so paranoid about relationships at this point: I'M NOT GETTING BURNED AGAIN. I WILL DIE ALONE before that happens. I need to protect myself. I don't have anyone in Houston to help me vet people.
There are a few coworkers who would be happy to see me hook up with anyone but I am OK with just Biscuit. I know what he wants and I can give that to him at no risk to myself.
I used to say I would wait 5 years before dating again. I think, now, I'm done. And I'm OK with that.
That's it for now.
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