Tuesday Afternoon

 I was just thinking about something I read years ago.  Taxis in Houston are equipped with a computer and the dispatcher can send them messages.  One message came through while I happened to be riding and I was in a position I could read it.  A woman had taken a cab to a club.  While in the cab she had taken off her wedding and engagement rings and left them in the cab.  She didn't realize it until days later and was blowing up the phone at the cab company trying to get them back.  Good luck with that...I wonder what she told her husband about how she lost them.  

Even if I had the budget I would continue to wear inexpensive jewelry.  $12 makes the statement "taken" just as well as a $5,000 platinum band.  

I had a pretty good nap.  Not looking forward to work tomorrow; I don't hate it, it is just natural laziness.  I also need to figure out what I need to do tonight so I can get ready tomorrow.  

Mood has been better the last couple days, not as depressed.  Depressed but not as bad.  I will get through.  Huh.  By the time I get through the whole grief thing God will Rapture us and it won't matter because I will be reunited.  

Now the Bible says there is no marriage in Heaven aside from believers being "wed" to Jesus.  I will be with Ron but not "with" him.  And that is fine.  He will - IS in his glorified body.  I will be too.  No more depression that's a big yay.  I have no doubt he is rejoicing every second he is there.  He spoke with such longing for Heaven and how wonderful he found it, how the joy and peace were "beyond words".  And spoke with such sorrow of having to come back... I know he is overjoyed he gets to stay forever.  

I MISS HIM EVERY DAY but I wouldn't bring him back to what he was.  He was in hell.  I am amazed he hung on 18 years; and that's how I choose to look at it, he should have died in 2003; he didn't, I got another 18 years.  I view that as a gift to me, if not him.  He just wanted to go back to Heaven, which he did.  

It is good to know it is natural and they didn't find anything in his blood to indicate self harm.  Or any fingers pointing at me, like bedsores or signs of neglect.  Instead I had a detailed journal, Ron was in "good condition" per the medical examiner...it was just God calling him home.  

He was ready to go; I remember that.  God has taken care of me so I can't bitch about that.  I won't lie I would like that disability check but He has taken care of me.  I won't whine or be greedy.  God doesn't want that.  

So tonight I need to do up some candy for the week (ideally the whole 6 days I work and some for shopping with my aunt).  I need to load my jeans; that may sound a little odd but I carry a lot in my pockets.  I have all that on the table.  I need to figure out if I want to wear my support socks tomorrow.  I am leaning that way even though they are hard to don.  I did all the laundry including my nice sheets and my new waterproof mattress pad.  The latter won't be dry tonight but I will put it on tomorrow.  

When to get up tomorrow?  I will figure that out.  OK done.  I think I will also make a couple peanut butter and honey sandwiches and bring them just in case.  I get paid tomorrow but that doesn't mean I need to blow it all day one.  

I will likely do 2 things in addition to my usual bill paying: put $20 on my bus card and put $20 on my McDonald's gift card.  I could probably stand to rummage through my bag and see if I can take something out.  I try to plan for contingencies like riding the bus home at night (reflective vest), water bottle, etc.  

I will get it all.  I have been neglecting my time with God in the morning (not completely but enough) so I will turn off the computer in the morning after I check to verify my money is there.  The cats are all good, plump and cute.  

I certainly plan to go to bed early.  That's it for now.