I really feel like a turned a corner on my grief. This may very well be temporary but we'll see. But he had been sick a LONG time. I'm not even blaming the Alzheimer's on the accident because his Dad had some form of dementia and was very bad the last several years of his life. So he probably inherited it, and then the accident and the drinking (more the drinking I believe) pulled the trigger. It is tragic but most likely inevitable. He would have just gotten it later if he wasn't drinking. I think I have accepted that.
It is sad and that will be sad for a very long time. That he had to lose his mind, literally. But death was a blessing no way around it.
I felt awful saying that for a very long time and worried it would get me in trouble. But the autopsy report cleared me of any wrongdoing, his death was ruled natural from heart disease. They found his seizure medication and some Ibuprofen in his system, that's it. I didn't kill him; his heart stopped. It's done.
Ron would have wanted a quick death at home vs. a lingering one in a hospital. That's what he got.
But DAMN Alzheimer's. What a terrible death that would have been.
I am realizing death was what Ron would have wanted. No one would want to live like that, blind, bed bound, incontinent, seizures, barely able to get a bottle of vodka to his lips.
Yesterday was a little challenging at work. I made a judgement call and hope I don't get in trouble for it, I don't think I will. But even if I do I think it will be OK at the end of it. I do everything they ask and work very hard. That's all I can do. 144717171717171717171717171717171717171. That is Torbie's contribution to the blog for the day.
I'm getting hungry so I will go figure out dinner.
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