I slept OK last night if you are praying for that it is working. I have decided to do something that may be rather foolish and I hope I don't regret it.
They are having a Christmas party at work today with a catered meal (likely). Normally I pass on the meal and just get a dessert but I have decided I will try it and hopefully not get sick. So I am just bringing some cheese, green salad, and fruit salad. I will buy a couple of double cheeseburgers if the meal looks iffy or they don't bring it.
I can use prayer for that and also for the app to work, I had a lot of difficulty with the app the last day I worked. I need this to log in and out and obviously get paid so a big deal to me.
I am 181.6 today so that's good. I have a little wiggle room if I want a snack. I have decided I will have one piece of pecan pie if they have it and no other dessert. I think it is important to plan that in advance. I will be riding in on the bus and then taking a ride home.
I will likely not talk to Mom as she is in Florida which is an hour ahead. But Dad is 2 hours behind me so he is likely.
I need to take my shower. Done.
Really depressed today. I hate this about my illness. Should be a festive and happy time of year instead I am depressed. Grief mixed up in it too, grief + bipolar is no joke.
When I see my doctor the temptation will be to say look how good I'm doing but I will be honest and tell him it has been hard. And it has. Today is just a bad day.
2 comments:
God can help you sleep or fix your work app for you but he can't help with your depression. This god fellow sure is interesting. It's almost like he really isn't helping you at all but you are attributing mundane things to him.
(The apostle) Paul said, basically, if there is no God we believers are the most to be pitied.
Ron phrased it well: my brain attacks me. Today was just bad for it. Christmas coming up my husband gone, 2 cats gone, my aunt gone (not in that order), and I will see my aunt again. But it's a lot and I am facing a lonely holiday alone. I will make some phone calls, try to stay busy. But it is a lot to manage even before you add in my illness.
So I am not being hard on myself. I am a human being with human emotions. It is OK to be sad. Remember that woman who lost her daughter and went out and partied all weekend? Everyone was sickened by it.
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