Friday morning

 Tired and still somewhat depressed but I made it.  

They did not do the party tonight they say it happens tomorrow.  We will see.  One of my coworkers walked off the job tonight.   

[Next day]

Talked to Dad a little when he got home, he was out with friends.  Slept OK still woke up tired.  I think that is just the medication; not that I'm going to be stopping it.  

I hear we might have some power outages next week so it seems a good time to charge up my power packs, so doing that.  I am not really worried about anything but the cell phone.  I can get text alerts from the bus company if they shut down service and I can use the phone to call out if I can't get to work.  I can type out a small blog.  I am just being cautious.  It is a good idea to have these little power packs charged up anyway.  

Still depressed but hanging in there.  I would hate to see me without faith: likely dead by my own hand.  But God can use me like this that is all that matters.  

It will be interesting to see if they do the party tonight, I hedged my bets and brought some frozen meals just in case.  If they do have food my frozen food can keep it cold in the lunch bag.  They are handing out the meals at certain times and then it is up to the employee if they want to eat it then or store it.  I plan to put mine in a ziplock and in my lunch bag until my lunch.  

I was very embarrassed this morning I cried over the Christmas Shoes song.  Of course Ron met Jesus mostly naked so it just goes to show we all meet him different ways.  And the soul leaves the body so it really doesn't matter what the body is doing.  

That was the odd thing for me after Ron died and I was left with his body in my house.  His body was just dead meat; what made it Ron was gone.  That was immediately obvious to me.  I tried to sit with him and hold his hand but I was just completely creeped out and left pretty quick.  My aunt found me sitting outside actually.  

They would not let my aunt inside the house, though.  She couldn't even look at him as they took him away.  I guess they had to do it that way as he died suddenly at home and the doctor said he wasn't sick enough to just drop dead (wrong, doc).  I feel bad she didn't have that closure.  

I need to take my shower.  

Oh the co worker who left is a very proud women.  Our boss can be difficult and she has a pretty high turnover.  The final insult, apparently, was calling the coworker after she had clocked out for her lunch.  The coworker was in her car driving somewhere when she got the call and was very annoyed at it, thought on it some, and decided it was worth quitting over.  

What she has said she has other money coming in so I guess she "could" do that.  I am reliant on my salary.  

 One time in 97 I walked off a job with a tyrant boss.  It was a small coffee shop, 2 owners also living together they fought constantly and always trying to get me to pick sides.  The owner accused me of stealing food then admitted she caught her dog eating it.  What kind of food establishment allows a dog in the food area?  Where it could access?   A guide dog would never do that or a trained service animal, but this was a hyperactive husky mix that scared me, the male owner was always forcing me to drink cup after cup of coffee I couldn't sleep at night.   It was pretty bad BUT I had Ron with his paycheck AND his social security check as well so I "could" quit.  My current job is not as bad as that was.  

And my vanity has caught up with me.  I will share a small secret I have not before.  First I have to say Ron counted up the women once and he had slept with over 30, seen a lot of naked bodies.  When we got together he found it fascinating I had a line of hair going down from my belly button about halfway, then it just stops.  He said he had never seen that before but it didn't faze him.  From what I have read in books and seen on the beach that is a man thing.  I don't pretend to understand it I just live with it.  But a while back at work I was wearing medium rise jeans (a little under my belly button) and a longer top at work.  I went to put up my bag on a shelf and my top pulled up, exposing my belly.   And I thought how embarrassed I would be if someone saw the hair.  So I got out the Magic Cream shave but that didn't work.  I got out the razor, that did work.  But I have to do it every day it wants to come back.  I do my legs about once a week but I am doing that every day.  I find that funny.  But it looks good now.  I have no plans to shave anything else.  

That's it for now.