Friday morning

I slept OK.  Whatever Ron drank it wasn't blackout rated.

He has to talk to his doctor today, though, they didn't have his prescription.  And it is Bath Day.

He has said he will do one, I just have to drag him by his scruff and throw him in there.  He always wants almost-cold water for his bath.  When I have tried to do it he has always complained it was too hot.

I wouldn't want to take a cold bath, either.  Hopefully that will happen today.

I feel like there's such a load on me, as his caregiver.  I wrote about Ron's hand on Facebook and of course everyone is telling me to get it checked out.  I can't do that until I get him a bath.  If I take him in like this red flags on the play.  I really don't want any meddling in our lives.  The only way to ensure that is to get him a bath.

Of course I want to get him checked out but he can pay his bills, run a business, etc.  I think he can decide if he wants help.  I have a very bad feeling it will either end as he needs an operation (which he won't) or he had a stroke (sorry, nothing we can do).   So maybe I don't want an answer.  It seems to be getting a little better and it is certainly not getting worse.  He is eating and eliminating just fine.  He is acting the same, just less abusive.

I have told him "There is a point where I can't care for you anymore" and he is aware of that.  I have said that a few times so he isn't dumb.  But for now I can handle it.

I just wish I didn't have to.

Yesterday I decided to play macho hero and pick up a kettlebell in each hand and bring them to the garage.  I woke up this morning and my ribs hurt, it is a cartilage thing.  It is mad and will take a few days to calm down.  So NO LIFTING.  [curses]   And it's all right there, all sorts of fun, but the way I felt when I rolled over in bed this morning!  Oh!  It was pretty remarkable.  It doesn't hurt right now and I was able to lift a heavy bucket this morning, so I will be OK just give it a rest for a few days.

Maybe Sunday.  When I finish this I do plan to do intervals on the exercise bike.  That I can do.  My foot is a little mad at me too, I did over 8K steps yesterday so I think the walk and the shopping, PLUS work was a little much.  Again, rest it a few days, no walks for a while.  Except work.   But intervals will be good for me.  It is a good leg and butt workout.  I might even do some abs on the floor.

So I have to have Ron call his doctor, take a bath, do receipts and see if he can use his computer.  I sure hope so.  That's a pretty busy day.  Could be very emotional if Ron cannot use his computer.  I hope he can, it may be slow but I think he will be able to do it.  It is mainly putting numbers into spreadsheets.

I have to give Ron credit, something like this is awful even just looking at it.  But he has been in really good spirits and has not lashed out at me.

Last night he called me to help him "open something".  I went over and saw it was a bottle of vodka.  He said if I did not help him he would use his teeth.  As we know, his teeth are in terrible shape and good odds he would break one and cost us another $1000.  I told him the location of the vice grips and encouraged him to use them.  He asked for a paper towel.  I gave him one and he got it open.

He asked me "why I did this".  I told him I would relate the story again.  Years ago, a blackout, sitting on the bed and he is just cursing me and verbally abusing me.  And I sat there thinking "I bought this alcohol."  and resolved to never do this again.  He said he hadn't asked me to buy alcohol.  I said "helping" counted too.  He understood.  He didn't like it, but he understood.

That has probably been the most conflict we've had lately.  I know this won't last.

I'm going to get dressed and do my workout, then eat and take my pills.  Depression is pretty bad today and I have a lot to do.  I may break protocol and eat before my workout, I won't be lifting weights so it should be fine.

Yeah, I don't want to go longer than I have to, unmedicated. 

Edit: took my pills.  I have a VERY bad habit, during crisis, of waiting to take my pills and not making them a grade one priority.  I have to remember I have a condition and I must manage it if I'm going to do anything else. 

I was able to do my ab work with the protein and yogurt sloshing around in my stomach.  Waiting on the bike because Biscuit is being adorable and laying on me.