Sunday afternoon

I laid down for a nap, Torbie got into the bed.  I looked at her and said "I'm ready for my antidepressant" and she climbed on top of me, and we did the petting/purring, claws on the face thing.  Biscuit got into the bed too but hung out more by my feet. 

I rested for a little bit and then Ron woke me up, he was drinking again in the kitchen.  I had to pour him back into bed, and he almost fell several times.  It was incredibly depressing, he is a slave to alcohol.  Sometimes he talks about how great it will be when they legalize pot and he can smoke that instead.  He doesn't seem to view pot as an addictive substance, even though, 30 years ago, he was spending more than my current paycheck on pot, a month. 

A good example.  He went to his drug dealer one time, he heard a strange noise in the room.  He asked about it.  The dealer said it was a 500 gallon aquarium.  Ron said that sounded like a waste of money and the dealer said "Your money bought it". 

The drug dealer frequently "tried" to get Ron (and on one occasion I met him, me) to "sample" harder and more addictive stuff.  I declined and he got very angry, and told Ron he didn't want me around when they did business (very seldom Ron would make a small pot purchase from the guy).  Ron at least never tried the hard stuff - this dealer got Ron's ex hooked on crack cocaine.  She ended up in such a bad state they took her guide dog back.  The dog always belongs to the agency and not the blind person, that way they cannot sell it, and if they are abusing and neglecting the dog (like Ron's ex), they can take it back. 

Anyway, Ron exhibited PLENTY of addictive behavior regarding the pot.  I remember one time he told me he wanted me to secretly take some out, then, when he ran out, present it to him.  I basically said I didn't want to play games and he would have to do it himself.  But he acted strung-out around pot, always obsessed with getting more.  All this happened 25 years ago.   Nothing has changed and has probably WORSENED with the head injury. 

He says he would not drink if he had pot (were it legal) but what did he say about pain pills?  "I won't drink if I have pain relief, I am only using it for the pain."  Once or twice I have asked him if he were hurting when he went after alcohol and he said no.  So that was proven a lie. 

I was very depressed and somewhat angry, feeling cheated.  I don't ask for much but it would be nice to have some sobriety in the house now and then, where he just spends time with me.  He is never interested in anything I have to say. 

I have often thought this is where the devil comes in and presents the nice,hardworking, sober guy who hangs onto my every word.  And how careful I have to be if he does show up.  Even online. 

I decided I needed to get out of the house.  If Ron fell I wouldn't be able to help him anyway.  I put on my sneakers and got my sunglasses (remembered this time!).  I got a bottle of water and left the house.  I walked about 40 minutes total according to my tracker. 

I went to my bank and put another $40 into my account.  Then I went to the grocery store.  I forgot it is pretty busy and not my ideal shopping experience.  I don't like the store, either.  I have had problems with this chain having high prices, not caring about food safety, etc.  One time I pointed out an egregious food safety issue to a manager and he got an attitude with me.  So, you want me to screw off?  I will. 

I only go there because it is easy to access on the bus.  I bought 2 bottles of Dr Pepper, a small package of oatmeal raisin cookies (one of the few I can eat), a can of Lay's Stax, and a small bottle of iced tea.  It cost over $11.  LIke I said, expensive. 

I went back out to the bus stop and sat at the bench eating my Stax.  They are my favorite potato chip.  I tried to call my aunt but I went to voicemail and then her box was full.  I hope she is OK.  That has never happened before. 

I checked my phone.  Feels like 103 degrees.  No wonder I was hot!  The bus came pretty quick, though, and other passengers came out of their hiding places to catch the bus.  One mexican woman wore long sleeves and full length jeans.  I felt hot enough in my capris and t-shirt, I can't imagine what that was like for her. 

I boarded the bus, pass still works, and went home.  It was an uneventful walk home.  I saw that black cat lying in his driveway.  I like him but my cats have said no.  Besides, he is owned.  I'm sure he wouldn't mind coming by for a snack sometimes but that would not be fair to my gang. 

I got home, my steps slowing as I dreaded what I would find.  One memorable occasion I found Ron on the floor covered in blood from some lacerations he got from falling.  But I found him in his bed, snoring.  The cats were fine. 

I was really glad I hadn't petted the black cat.  They would have been very unhappy with me. 

I ate my cookies (small package) with some milk, and took my pills.  I watched a little TV. 

The post office lied and said they delivered my "gym" floor tiles yesterday, they did not.  I will give them a couple of days and then file a complaint if I don't get them.  I paid for them, the seller paid for delivery, and neither of us got it. 

In the meantime I think I'll place a grocery order.  I need some more milk and TV dinners at the least, I can use some more sport drinks too.  I very seldom buy more than 1 or 2 sport drinks at the store, even when I could use them, just because they are a big hassle to get home.  But someone else is bringing them!  I can use some powdered drink mix and energy mix as well.  They don't do Diet Dew anymore so I will have to get an instant drink to pick me up in the morning.  The two favorites are each 60 mg caffeine, about 1/4 what they have in a cup of coffee, about equivalent to a can of soda. 

Ron said something about the Waffle House tomorrow, take 2 I guess.  We'll see if it's still a good trip.  We are almost done with the month and have done no changes out of the 5 permitted a month, so we could 'fix" it if we had to. 

That's it for now.