The rest of Wednesday

I took my shower and talked to my aunt.  We will be meeting for lunch next week (Ron, me, and her).  It should be fun. 

I dressed in a black bra and pink performance shirt, the kind that don't get all heavy with sweat when you are outside in the heat.  I checked myself in the mirror, though.  The pink shirt was thick but you could still see the bra underneath.  I discarded it and got a purple t-shirt instead.  I bought a 6 pack of them a few years ago for summer wear.  They have done pretty well and I would love to get more if they made a pocket t. 

I got dressed and headed out.  I had an uneventful walk to the bus stop, that "bad dog" is still on my route but they fixed the fence and I believe put it on a chain so it will stop breaking the fence.  They are renting the house and it has been my experience, in the subdivision, renters are lower-class than owners.  Hence the big macho aggressive dog.  It is not necessary here, it is very quiet with very low crime.  Besides, how can the dog "protect" your home if it is locked up in the backyard?  Someone can go in through the front and do whatever they want. 

I got to the bus stop.  It is by a wooded lot and the pine trees smelled glorious.  It was warm, sunny, and windy.  I wore my sunglasses with did keep the headache away for quite a while.  When they redid the routes a few years back, they cut some of the service to my area but I still get pretty good service.  I waited about 15 minutes. 

My local bus came, I boarded.  I was going to the end of the line, at the transit center.  I always find it amusing, without fail someone ALWAYS rings the bell for the last stop, like the driver is going to pass it up!  I got off and found my bus stop.  They have a row of bus stops, I had to find the correct one.  I didn't want to end up downtown! 

I found it and waited, standing up.  It was closer to the bus.  Everyone was on their cell phones (on the bus, too, except the driver :p).  I preferred to keep my attention on my surroundings.  The transit center - every transit center I've waited at - can be a little rough at times. 

It's funny, about 5 years ago I filled out multiple surveys for the bus company and that is one thing I requested again and again, that they connect these 2 bus lines.  And they did! 

Nice to be heard. 

I boarded.  The meter had been broken on my first bus but the second one worked fine.  My card has read at about $30 for a while now, I can only assume I am getting some free rides.  I do get some, every number of trips I get 5 free days.  I think I am in that. 

I was riding basically to the end of the line.  I should have sat in a forward facing seat but I did not.  Since I am disabled, I sat up front, the sideways facing seats where I had to turn my head to look out the front.  No one with an apparent disability, or an elderly person, needed my seat, or I'd have given it to them. 

I rode for about an hour.  It was pretty uneventful except for one woman we picked up near the mall, she had a couple of bags and spread out in the front, over 3 seats of "elderly and disabled" seating.  She did not appear to be disabled.  When an old lady asked her to move her bag she got a massive attitude.  She was white. 

Most people texted or played on their phones as they rode.  I looked around.  We passed 2 Waffle Houses, 2 malls, a park and ride, numerous car dealerships, countless fast food places, etc.  It was an interesting ride.  I talked to Ron for a little bit at one point, I sent him a text, he texted me back, I was NOT going to bounce on the bus (always a rough ride) trying to text.  No way.  I just called him and we talked for a few minutes. 

I got off at my stop and walked a few hundred yards to Academy Sports.  I was looking for a couple of things, and Ron had given me money. 

I walked over to the kettlebells..  I was hoping for something black, in a 5# weight.  I have a pink one at home but it is so girly, it is hard to feel serious using it.  But they start at 10.  If I want to use a 5 I had better get used to the pink! 

Then I looked at various cardio options.  I had measured my best free spot, it was about 5 feet by 3 and a half.  That eliminated 95% of the options, including the heavy bag (punching) stand.  I could get one of two ellipticals.  The prices were pretty reasonable for a piece of cardio equipment but I am just not a fan of ellipticals.  But they had 2 that would work.  That is good to know. 

So it looks like I will be getting the freestanding punching bag I have been eyeing.  It has mixed reviews but I can at least give it a shot. 

I finally found where they "hid" the olympic weight plates.  I have been needing some so that was great to find them.  I started shoveling them in the cart, I got some 5 pounders and some 2.5.  I looked around at the other fitness supplies, they had a lot of bands but I don't really need that.  I already have a stability/ab ball in a lovely shade of purple.  But they did have some punching gloves.  I got the "Brave" kind, they basically are a glove with padding on the knuckles and cut off fingers.  I liked them, tried them on.  I got the L/XL because I have larger hands. 

I looked again for the "Unique" headbands.  I have a few and I LOVE them.  They used to sell them but I checked, they do not any more. 

So I had plates and gloves.  I had seen plus sized exercise/fitness apparel online so I knew they had it.  I had not seen it the other 2 times because I was with other people who were not in a lingering mood.  This time, though, I'm by myself so I could take ALL the time. 

I found their plus sized department, everything in one section.  They had 1-3 X.  I figured I would start at 3 and work my way down if needed.  I really hoped I was not a 4 X. 

I found some really cute stuff.  I did a style inventory many years ago and my style is sporty/romantic.  So sporty stuff like this is perfect for my style.  Besides, I want to feel good when I work out.  I am doing it a lot, I might as well have a few clothes options. 

I know the store brand is very good, I had a ton of their stuff back after Ron's accident and for some years after.  So I know it won't fall apart in the wash. 

I didn't want long leggings but I have been wanting bike shorts.  I found a cute pair, I put them into the cart.  I found some running shorts with a cute crisscross detail.  Into the cart.  And a fitness top to pair with either. 

The 3X were too large.  That was a happy moment.  I got everything in a 2X.  The top, in particular, just swam on me in a 3X.  The bike shorts were a little tight but that is sort of the idea.  Besides, I won't be wearing them in public, just in my house and garage.  The baggy knit shorts - my former attire, get hung up on the equipment and flap around.  They don't breathe, either.  These were very nice and VERY reasonable prices. 

The crisscross shorts made my butt look HUGE so I got a plain black with some interesting monochromatic stitching

I didn't like the sport bra styles and most of them were name brands and name brand prices.  I just couldn't justify that.  I don't know about you, but those one piece seamless bras tend to get stuck, wrapped around my head, when I am taking them off or putting them on, I feel suffocated and have a panic attack.  Just not something I want. 

And, guess what, I am working out AT HOME.  I don't HAVE to wear a bra.  Yay, me. 

I was happy.  I wanted a backpack, they have some really cute mesh ones but all I found were, again, name brands.  I like the store brand.  I will have to wait until we are closer to back to school before I go backpack shopping.  I want something, dark, neutral gray/black I can wear out on the bus.  Nearly every person riding the bus, you will find, has a backpack.  I don't want anything that stands out too much, just something to hold my junk (and my waterproof New Testament).   So I didn't get a backpack. 

Then I had to pee and hunted all over the store before I found the bathroom.  I had to ask a lady in the guns department.  It was weird being around all the guns and I can't own one (legally not allowed due to being crazy).  I did have my stun gun in my pocket, per my local police that is fine for me. 

Better than nothing! 

Then the hunt for a Diet Dr Pepper,  but I was disappointed.  I settled for a Coke Zero.  Not bad but I don't really get excited about them. 

Then I paid.  It wasn't cheap but I had a lot of fun and all I bought will build my health.  I thought that was important.  I didn't get that much either, 3 clothes, some weight plates (and I have a holder for them), and the gloves.  The soda would be gone by 5 PM. 

I had thought about going to the restaurant in the parking lot but I had 20 pounds of weight plates.  I decided that was not something I wanted to lug around.  I was glad I bought them.  I remembered there is a Taco Bell on the way home.  I called Arturo first, he said he would be about 20 minutes.  Turns out the customer he had played "Hey, boy!" with him for another 30 minutes, THEN he had to get to me, so I had a long wait.  But it is worth it.  He is worth it.  I don't hold stuff like that against a driver who is doing his best. 

I called Ron and Ron said he wanted a chalupa.  That's what I was thinking of.  I drank my soda and stood there, thinking it is not always walking that hurts your feet.  My feet were fine and happy but I was glad I had only walked about a mile to that point. 

I saw a lot of customers come and go..  Many of them were obese.  Most of them were buying shoes.  One male nurse had waist length hair I thought was a little much.  I don't mind a guy with longer hair but down to his waist?  Is he a man?   Doesn't look like one.  I just don't like the look of a man with hair longer than his shoulders. 

Ron likes me with long hair and I hate having to get short hair cut, all the time, so I have mine long.  It was blowing in the wind.  Next time I might put it up before I got ride the bus. 

Arturo came after a long wait, but as I said I didn't blame him.  He is in a service job and the other guy wanted a LOT of service.  He was here now, that's all that mattered. 

The difference between Arturo and the guy yesterday, the guy yesterday has a schedule to keep, I have caught him pulled over gossiping on his phone when he was supposed to be picking us up, or getting snacks when he was supposed to get us (yesterday).   Arturo would never do either.  He would make a good paratransit driver not that I would curse him like that. 

We went through the drive through at Taco Bell.  It was still pretty busy at 1:30, but they got our food pretty quick.  We went home.  I called Ron to open the garage door (I had left my remote at home) but he didn't answer.  I had to take everything in through the front door and then back out into the garage (the weight plates).  And Ron was VERY drunk. 

I hate coming home to that.  If it weren't for the cats I would have wanted to turn around and go out again.  I stayed.  Ron said he wanted one of his Chalupas.  I gave it to him and he kept dropping it on the floor.  I finally had to hold it for him so he could eat.  Once he got about halfway through he seemed to remember how to eat again and finished it with only one more drop on the floor. 

I ate my food and took my pills.  My headache was back, not a surprise.   I laid down for a nap and got Torbie and Biscuit..  They are very faithful friends.  I slept pretty well considering and got up with a continued headache.  I didn't want to, but I took another dose of my painkillers (Excedrin).  That puts me way over the limit for caffeine usage today. 

But the headache is gone. 

Ron woke up, couldn't find his phone, I found it for him.  He said he had "tried to have a quiet blackout".  He has this myth in his head there is a thing known as a "quiet blackout" where he doesn't have any pain, is well behaved, does not endanger himself or his stuff. 

He is currently screaming invective at me because I told him.  There.  Is.  No.  Such.  Thing.  As.  A.  Quiet.  Blackout.  I said it very calmly. 

He got very upset at me for saying that, but it's true.  Blackouts, by their nature, are messy, obnoxious, dangerous to him.  He does not experience any pain relief, I hear him yelling and moaning in pain.  And he uses them to play games. 

I don't know when he broke his tooth but it was at least DAYS ago.  Today he asked me to close the multi tool because he was "looking to file his tooth down".  I told him that was a really bad idea and I would not help.  Later on he said his tooth hurt a lot.  I asked him if he had called the dentist.  He said no.  I gave him the number, but by the time he called he was so drunk they hung up on him (it was after hours anyway). 

Then he got obsessed I "had to tell him what he did to me during the blackout he had this afternoon".  I said he was not verbally abusive but he was obnoxious, embarrassing, and I worried about him hurting himself.  Then he started raving about me "using my logic" and verbally abusing me. 

I tried to take him back to his room (away from the alcohol) but he refused.  "His tooth hurts" which is apparently a free pass to as many blackouts as he'd like.  And I'm not supposed to complain because he is a poor, sick, man.  He actually got MORE upset when I DIDN'T complain. 

It is exhausting.  And I'm thinking "Why did I come home?  Home is supposed to be a good place, a refuge from the world"  right now "home" is worse than anything out there.  I mean, I have the cats, I have my stuff (not much of that) but I also have an alcoholic and all the games/drama that entails. 

It's almost 7.  I need to go to bed pretty soon (around 7-8).  I am upset.  I am over caffeinated.  I am doubtful I will drop off easily.  Ron is still in the kitchen drinking straight from the bottle.  His hand is apparently doing better. 

Ugh.  Next time, I will stay out longer. 

And Ron fell on the floor, he didn't want help getting into bed.  I will see if I can help him but I may just leave him on the floor. 

I tried to help, but he is not complaint, so I left him after shouting "Why can't I get a sober husband?"