Thursday, May 23, 2019

3 blackouts and up at 3 am.

It was a bad night, Ron had 3 blackouts.  He would get very drunk, act up, go to bed, sober up, get drunk again, repeat.  Unfortunately he can get himself to his vodka. 

I slept very little.  At one point, right before I woke up, I had a strange dream about Ron, my primary abuser, a rabbit, Biscuit the cat, a second floor residence, and a team of paramedics.  I was actually happy when the alarm went off.  Biscuit had been injured in the dream so I was happy to see him hogging the bed when I woke up. 

Of course, once I got up "hog" went into operation begging for food, which I gave to everyone.  Biscuit and Torbie slept with me.  At one point one of the cats started to vomit in the bed, I moved Torbie but I couldn't get Biscuit to budge.  The bed stayed dry at any rate.  I then felt horrible for moving Torbie, just having an awful night but I felt bad because I pushed my cat out of bed. 

My wakeup went pretty well, I fed the cats first, of course, and then hunted down some workout clothes.  I wanted to wear my new bike shorts but they were still damp.  I settled for the old baggy, faithful, cotton knit shorts.

I drank some electrolyte mix and did 10 minutes on the bike to warm up, then I went out into the garage and did Kettlebells.  It was a good workout.  I only did 2 moves but all my books assure me these 2 moves work the whole body.  I did a lot of squatting, that went OK.  I have a bad knee but the joint itself is pretty strong, it's just the tissue on the back of the kneecap. 

I was out there for about 15 minutes, I was gasping for breath when I finished and I had taken breaks!  I was so happy to be done but it's a good workout.  We will see how I feel tomorrow. 

I was looking at my empty spot wondering if an elliptical or punching bag would look better in that spot.  Not sure just yet.  I don't want to leap and then have regrets, not use it, etc.  I would rather cycle through a few manias and depressions first and see if something sticks out. 

I may also reorient the garage.  Currently the weight bench and rack block the end, going across.  If I have them run parallel to the wall, that may work better.  And that will change my available room as well so I would need to do that before any purchase. 

If nothing else my delay gives me time to save more money. 

Ron woke up, wanted to get dressed even though our pickup is hours away.  I went ahead and helped him, remembering the Bible verse about doing good to those who persecute you.  I gave him back his cell phone (I found it on the floor around midnight), so he can charge it, use it to check our trips, etc. 

Once I finished that I used the bathroom and then had some breakfast.  I had an Ensure Max Protein mixed berries shake.  I was feeling daring and willing to try something new.  It was a very refreshing change from my vanilla, I like it.  It remains to be seen if the medication and the shake are compatible.  Worst case I will have a glass of milk if they aren't. 

So I already have 30 g protein (I aim for at least 60), did my workout, helped Ron, had breakfast, used the bathroom, fed the cats, even did the stretchy band exercises for my shoulders.  I have somewhere around 2 hours to get ready for work. 

I got up early because last time I did not have enough time to get ready for work, and was very rushed.  I didn't want that today of all days.  A kettlebell workout does not take very long, though.  At least he one I did, but I feel worked and I've got those endorphins going. 

I was thinking while I was on the toilet about "the drunk feeling".  Obviously Ron likes it.  I drank some before my diagnosis but very little overall.  I might have one beer out of a 6 pack and Ron drank the rest.  One time I had a bottle of ginger brandy for years.  I used it "medicinal" for cramps or upset stomach until Ron got into it one day, gagging, and finished the whole bottle.  It was one of those little bottles, about 10 ounces or so. 

I thought about "feeling drunk" and was overcome with an immediate feeling of revulsion.  It's something I don't want for myself, because I was drunk so much of my gestation.  I literally spent my first 9 months drunk off my ass, every day and night.  I really didn't sober up until I was born. 

I like being sober.  I enjoy the feeling after a good workout, or a sugar rush, but that's about it.  I am not interested in the rest. 

That's one reason I find alcoholics so baffling.  They crave that feeling.  Will do anything for it.  Allow themselves to act like fools, women get raped, etc. just for that feeling. 

NOT worth it!  I have never met a person improved by alcohol.  Exception might be my uncle, he has a little red wine now and then for stroke prevention purposes and is fine with very modest amounts. 

One time I bought a protein shot at the store.  It was liquid protein in a large vial.  I broke the seal and drank it, and it was indescribably awful.  I looked around frantically trying to rid myself of the taste.  Ron was drinking a vodka and I grabbed it from him, spit out the protein, took a big chug of the vodka, swished it around, and spat it out.  Ron freaked out when he realized I had put alcohol in my mouth, he was screaming at me to stop and grabbed the bottle away.  It was pretty funny.  But the man is terrified I will become an alcoholic. 

I wouldn't give anyone that satisfaction.  Even assuming it didn't mess with my medication (it does interact).   All the odds say I will become a drunk.  I plan to beat them. 

I am happy with a workout now and then, and an occasional sugary treat.  That is all I require. 

I had better go do my shower. 

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