Today. Bitter, angry, feeling sorry for himself. Toxic. When I figure out how to upload video I will make one of him going off and share it.
Then he turns around and starts preaching at the driver, after he has already been a complete asshole to him/them. He really thinks he is "doing some good". So smug and condescending, "One day you will be as evolved and spiritual as I am".
He is still going on about drivers "making him blind, because they won't believe". Totally delusional!
I wonder today how I could ever fall in love with him. He is so terrible to me, ongoing. Then says "thanks for helping" like that makes it all better. Right after that back to the abuse.
No wonder I have to take so many crazy pills.
11 comments:
Why should he change when he knows he can do whatever he wants and you won’t leave or quit the biz?
"Happy spouse
Happy house"
That would be a good place to start, with why he should change.
But why?
You will do the business and help him regardless of how he acts. He has no incentive to change. He can drink and get places and get money and have you wait on him if he’s nice or if he’s mean. You’ve shown you won’t ever leave at this point so he’s got 0 reason to change.
I just got up so I may be a little garbled.
The way I see it, on his end he is accountable for how he treated me. God sent me to help him, it is up to Ron how he responded. Did he value and respect? No? Well God's going to hold him accountable on that, and I would not for anything want to be in his shoes when God does. He has truly treated me horribly.
On my end, God has given us a guideline (believers) how to respond when someone treas us badly. I don't see refusing to help a crippled person anywhere in that list. What I do see, love those who spitefully use you, etc. Pray for them (I have been terrible about that, lately), and, by implication respect them even when they don't respect you. Not a popular view - everyone wants the easy stuff from the Bible like "Don't judge" but there it is. So I am held to that standard, how well am I doing in that regard. I am pretty good at not repaying evil for evil. I just go and blog about it later. The Bible also talks about not repeating an offense to others so I may get charged on that one. When he is hateful I am not hateful back. I am either mildly upset or non responsive. Like I said, I need to work on praying for him.
I can't change him, only God can do that. And Ron can change himself if he really wants to be a different man. He just doesn't. Like you said, what he has works for him. But I don't believe anything I might do would effect change. I think it would just add more uproar to an already unstable relationship. And that is sad but God is working on us both.
One day, when I can, I will explain why I couldn't leave. It is complicated and very embarrassing and more than that but I will explain when I can. But there's a hook, it's a big one.
Is there really a hook? I don’t buy it. Talk to a real lawyer and social worker, he probably gaslighted you. Your life has gotten so bad. Free yourself.
A nasty hook. Big, deep trouble. My fault for allowing it but it is too late now.
I will focus on the positive, we had a very good trip to Walmart today and he actually listened to me talk about (not serious) subjects like is Torbie constipated? LOL
"A nasty hook. Big, deep trouble. My fault for allowing it but it is too late now. "
I don't believe you. What could possibly make it so you can't leave. I think you are making up BS because people keep telling you to leave.
I find this hard to believe. I think you want us to get off your back about leaving him. You told us you canceled your health insurance so you could save the money - for inevitably leaving him. And if there’s been this “big hook” all this time why did you act like you might actually leave him on numerous occasions? Makes no sense.
Neither of you have to believe me, probably better for me if you don't.
Constant verbal abuse, sleep deprivation, and caregiver concerns he is going to hurt himself and send me to prison for neglect or some shit... that's enough to make anyone consider desperate measures (leaving).
If today is any indication we may be in a little bit of a lull right now. I will enjoy that while it lasts. Maybe I can get him taking his vitamins and let him give me some b-12 shots while we're at it.
You consider 1 day without abuse a lull? LOL. Just yesterday he was abusing the heck out of you.
You won't go to prison because ron hurts himself. That is nonsense. If you think you can't prevent that then he needs to go in a nursing home. His mixing alcohol and pain pills is more of a concern but if you have told his doctor he is an alcoholic and the doctor keeps giving him pain pills I guess that is on the doctor. Though it could be on you too since you keep taking him to refill his prescription.
What I don't understand is if the pills are controlling the pain what is his excuse for continuing to drink? If you are that worried about being arrested for neglect you can give him a choice the pills or the alcohol.
Yes, I consider one day a break.
About the pain meds, I was very clear on the paperwork that he drinks heavily. If he kills himself, though I WILL NOT go after the doctor. I'd see it as Ron committing suicide and I would tell everyone that too. It's not the doctor's fault Ron is a lush.
Ron is a little vague on why he still "has" to drink, but what he has said is something like: the pain meds help. The alcohol helps more. The two of them together really help. I have told him repeatedly it's a very bad idea but he won't listen.
One reason I have the blog is to document all this so a prosecutor's researcher can find all this, this has been going on for years, verbal and rare physical abuse at Heather, emotional abuse, torture tactics (keeping me up all night), etc. I have seen enough crime dramas to know that often there is no documentation of abuse. And I have had the blog for 12 years now. Plenty of documentation.
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