Friday, March 22, 2019

"Just heat it up"

I told Ron when I left the house this morning.  I thought it was cute, when I came back my old Ron was blasting classic rock on his speakers, which he had just repaired.  He had broken them during a drunken blackout, but managed to get them going again while I'm gone.

It's amazing what that man can do when he's sober.  After talking to him for a while and doing my blog, I took a nap.

Biscuit joined me.  He was the most precious, adorable, cat ever.  He draped his body across mine, purring.  Such a good boy.  I never regret spending money on him.  He is worth it.

We had a very nice cuddle.  When Ron is ugly to me it takes money out of my love bank.  I can end up feeling "overdrawn".  When one of the cats loves on me like that, it makes a good deposit.

Ron has been very decent today.  He just remembered, on his own, he needs to make trips for tomorrow and Monday, for the MRI.  I really hope the MRI goes well and we can get some answers as to what is wrong.

I know something is, he can't even stand up.  But it has been nice today.

2 things I need to do: clean out the tub so Ron can take a bath (his feet are pretty bad) and clean out the fridge/freezer, get rid of everything I'm not going to eat in the short term.

Walmart delivery is open this weekend, and Tuesday, so I just need to figure out when I want to have my food arrive.

Oh, and a third thing, cancel my produce delivery.  The prices are not competitive with Walmart, a lot of times they are out of what I want, and I have a question or two about the quality.  So I will probably go do that first.  I feel a little bad, but not bad enough to give them my money ongoing when I could be buying more produce and having it delivered when I want (instead of random times).  I am going to do that first.

Well, that wasn't too awful but they did ask me a lot of questions why I left.  I finally told the truth "Can get 2x as much at Walmart for the same price".  And, if I can, and get it delivered when I want, shouldn't I? 

Edit to add, they sent me a "breakup letter" with appeals to emotion.  It's business.  Either you are providing what I want, or not.  Price and reliability are important to me, don't try to make me feel bad for that. 

Done with the fridge, Ron says he isn't taking a bath tonight so no need to clean the tub.  I guess I will make my delivery order.

I made my delivery order.  I got some precooked "just heat it up" foods we should both enjoy.  I also bought a trash can for the new cat food.  I am going to put the sack into the clean can, and leave the food in the sack.  The sack zips up.

I may add some sliced cheese to the order, but I already have a 2 pound block, and a lot of cheese sticks.  I definitely have enough food coming to last me another week or so.

It was amazing how much room I had when I cleaned out the freezer.  I even found some sausage patties, something I had considered buying.  Glad I found them, first.

Ron and I had a little battle of the bands, playing music.  He was happy when I reported his volume level was barely discernable in the garage..

I did say something on Facebook.  An acquaintence of mine was posting on a "suicide" thread.  "I'm going to do it, you have to stop me" kind of thing.

That sort of bullshit will get me from zero to pissed in half a second.  I have been suicidal much of my life, and I have NEVER pulled that crap, so don't say he "had" to get out the drama.  No, he wanted a lot of attention and to have a bunch of random strangers tell him how valuable he was.

When you pull that shit, you ruin it for those who really suffer.  Probably one of those "I got rejected at a bar so I will say I'm suicidal and get lots of attention" stuff.  And you can tell it's BS because they're not telling anyone who can help them, they are just seeking attention from random internet strangers.  A real sufferer, like me, seeks out help.

I went to professionals the 2 times I felt I couldn't fight any more.  Both times I got help, and got out of that depression.  But just to whine and moan and throw that around, just to get attention - oh, I find it infuriating.

So I said a little of that, and I also reminded the 28 people posting in the thread (see why he did it?) they could report the post to Facebook, and they would send authorities to investigate.  Two clicks.

If you know the person call 911, when the police and the mental health team show up they will quit their games real quick.  Stating you are suicidal is all it takes for them to put you in a mental hospital.  The last time they didn't because I didn't have insurance.  But they probably should have.

No one has told me but I have literally no doubt in my head my mother pulled this kind of bullshit, and she never killed herself.  She tried a few times, some of them not very "good" attempts, the kind of thing you do when you want to be "saved".  She did it at least once in front of me.  I have no doubt she used it as a weapon/game.  One reason I can't abide that crap.

If someone is determined to do it odds are they are not going to say anything.  If someone says "I'm thinking about killing myself" encourage them to seek help.  Don't tearfully try to argue them out of it.  That's what game players want.  A truly ill person will hear you say "This is a medical emergency, just like a stroke or heart attack, and I think we should call 911".  A game player will try to talk you out of it.  There are a lot of personality disorders that use this as a weapon.  Don't let it be used against you.

Ron has never pulled that BS, he is the first to tell you God hates suicide.  He does stupid things like mix things with alcohol but he has never actively tried to do it.

But it just disgusted me to see how many playing his game "Please don't do it!  I don't know you but I love you!" etc.  It's a game.  No more, no less.

If you really think someone might do it call 911, or, on Facebook, report it.  They will handle it, it's not your job.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Heather, different people react in different ways when they are physically sick. Some immediately go to the doctor. Some might tell their friends or family, who will then help them get medical attention. Still others go into denial and completely ignore the problem.

In the same vein, different people will react differently when they are mentally sick (ie suicidal). Some will contact a professional. Others will tell no one and made secret plans to kill themselves. Others may reach out online.

I'm sure some people do make suicide threats for attention. This guy may be one of them. He may also be genuinely suicidal, too blinded by pain to make logical decisions, and simply reaching out online in a desperate cry for help.

It is extremely reductive to assume that every suicidal person will act exactly as you did when you were suicidal.

Heather Knits said...

I know Borderline personality disorder often threatens suicide as a way of getting attention. I am sure other personality types do do.

I will agree not everyone online is attention-seeking, but I have been so burned out on people I automatically assume the worst.

Anonymous said...

Did your biological Mother have a personality disorder?

Heather Knits said...

From what I have been told (not much) I believe she had borderline personality disorder. All her relationships (including with me) were completely f-ed up. The only guy she found happiness with died of cancer.

From what I have been told my mother threatened and made dramatic "attempts". Some were more serious than others. Cutting her wrist "the wrong way" ensured "hospital" not morgue. But she also took pills in attempts, and on one memorable occasion shot herself. At one point she attempted suicide in front of me, after writing "Someone take care of my baby" on the wall. With a legacy like that!

When I was truly suicidal and couldn't fight any more, I went and got help from trained professionals. That's how I got my diagnosis.

I've been there, I get it, but there's a way to get help, and a way to make drama. I have always chosen real help over drama, my mother's example always held in mind.

She was such an unhappy woman. Nearly every memory I have of her she is crying. But she wouldn't take lithium, or stop drinking.