I went to bed, fell asleep, didn't sleep well. It is not often I "openly defy" Ron the way I did last night. I heard him moving around at times, he was not taking pains to be quiet.
I was lying awake in bed after hearing him at one point and he rolled into my bedroom doorway and resumed his lecture. He was "defending Torbie" etc. I "don't do anything for her".
I think we all know Ron does NOTHING for the cats aside from a few treats. He has difficulty even topping off the water bowl.
He complained "his treats were gone" and I told him I had thrown them away. He said he had additional treats which he had given the girls, Biscuit had been interested, and what was to keep him from giving Biscuit treats? Huh?
I said it took a big man to threaten a helpless animal. He backpedaled and said he was "defending" Torbie. I countered and said he was threatening Biscuit.
Ron switched gears and then said I had "BETTER" get up and feed Biscuit that instant (it was 12:30 in the morning) or he would give Biscuit treats. I told him, again, he was threatening Biscuit. No, this time he was "looking out for Biscuit, who is starving". You have seen photos of Biscuit. He was so fat they had to weigh him on the dog scale. Did he look "starving?"
Ron said that was the only reason Biscuit would lie in bed with him, he was starving, and wanting to be fed. I countered that Biscuit was probably feeling affectionate, already getting plenty of food but Ron made the threat again, if I didn't get up in the middle of the night and feed Biscuit, Ron would give him treats.
I asked him why he wanted to hurt Biscuit. Ron feels he is "saving" Biscuit because I "don't love them enough". This from the man who refuses to clean the litter box in his room, feed the cats, brush them, give them water, buy supplies, etc.
I am really horrified I married this man. I had no idea he was capable of this. But I got up and tapped on the food canister, Biscuit came running, so I gave him a little dry.
Then Baby Girl came over. Baby Girl, "Ron's cat" has been very bad about not eating when I put food in front of her. She takes 1-2 bites and walks away. She is used to a bowl on the floor and eating whenever she wants.
She was interested in Biscuit's food. I pushed her away a few times and put down a little dry for her, she ate a few bites and wandered off. The vet has often said I need to feed far less than I do. Well, that is happening, everyone is going to lose some weight.
I am just feeling very bitter, angry, and frustrated. I am scared Ron really doesn't seem to understand why his behavior is so unacceptable.
And since it is 1 AM, I will try to go back to sleep.
9 comments:
If it is not the cats it will be something else he is really out of line and extremely abusive to you Heather . There is zero logic he is fighting you over the cats having treats? He can and should do more!!!! his pain, incapacitated state are HIS doing at this point . He could do PT but doesn’t he could stop drinking but doesn’t the fact that the only thing he is capable of doing is stirring up drama with you, get black out drunk and give the cats treats is crap. He could be capable of so much more if he left the vodka alone and did therapy.
Oh Heather this is not your obligation to be with this kind of behavior but if you are going to you have to find a way to protect your boundaries every care taker needs a break and you get/ask for so little in life.
I get how hard it is you know that but wow I figured the Biscuits being sick would some how give him a reason to tantrum and blame you and I am so so sorry you have to live like this. But you do not “have” to there is always another option . OOOXXX I found one when the fact my husband could not kick the door (he put in a door no one could kick in and then got angry one day and started blaming me and kicked the door so hard he shook the house and broke the kitchen window You are young healthy and deserve better. I should not be reading to day I am angry myself I knew he would do this when you posted about Biscuit because everything is about them . Sending lots of love support and huge hugs. It is near impossible to leave until you can truly see the picture that is why a domestic abuse advocate is so helpful they can help you see your life as it is not as you want to see it .
I do plan to get out for a while today on the bus. As I said, I figure he will not be "giving" me that Walmart trip Monday. I might as well run to my bank myself, today, on the bus (it is only one bus each way).
When Ron is more reasonable I plan to give him a baggie of diet food and tell him he can give that to Biscuit as a treat. Anything would be good to eat when he's hungry. That way it won't make him sick. I understand wanting to give treats but things will need to change. I will not be buying any more treats until he can assure me he will not threaten Biscuit with them, anymore.
He is going through an irrational period and will be fine eventually. It is just dealing in the short term.
If he were not such a wreck I would absolutely leave him but his prospects are extremely poor if I do. He will lose his business, lose the house, lose his caregiver, lose his cats. Suicide might be an issue.
But if he ever has a miracle healing I will be packing my bags.
It is not just his house it is your house too.
Already wavering on the treats with that little bitch you call your husband.
Oh, I'll get him treats, once he can ASSURE me he will not give, or threaten to give, them to Biscuit. That he understands the minute he does that they will go in the garbage.
He said something today about "his" treats and I told him I bought them. That will stay the same.
I know it is also my house but the mortgage is in his name.
And you know your husband very well and know full well that he will continue over feeding the cats treats. Eventually he will give biscuit some of these treats because how does a blind man keep from not letting a chunky little kitty not get treats when the other two are getting them? He is already upset about having to modify his drinking and giving the cats treats routine which is why he lashed out at you yesterday. Knowing all this and who he is I wonder why you keep pretending he is going to change and be a better person.
Well, Biscuit has never really been a treat hound. He is more into his kibble, wet and dry. Ron says he doesn't beg. I am inclined to believe him based on what I have seen.
He went back to drinking in the kitchen and no one begged for treats this morning, most likely because they were full from breakfast. I will work on feeding them kibble on demand (all 3, their various diets) so they don't bother Ron when they're hungry. I think they see him sort of like we see carbs - a quick fix when stressed and/or hungry.
I don't believe Ron would feed or hurt Biscuit when he is sober. So far, at his very worst he has never hurt a cat, but he has given them treats. That is my concern.
I think the saddest thing I ever saw in my marriage, Ron passed out on the floor, filthy. Baby Girl looking at him with concern and sniffing his face as he snored. That was tragic.
Heather, I think at this point it's safer not to bring any treats in the house for the cats. Ron can't hang that over you like he did. Please hold to your word. I'm with Spankadoo. Stay strong. -star_tigress
Why did you cave in to rons midnight demands??? Stand your ground? The cat didn’t need to bed fed!!! This whole thing Ron did to you is so disturbing I’m so many levels. LEAVE HIM. Stop following his orders! When you cave and “give him a little nibble” you are telling Ron his abusive words work and he can control you. End this. You don’t deserve it. :(
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