I don't want sleeping pills

 I see a prescribing MD for my medication.  He likes to tutor residents, etc.  Since I am safe, cuddly, and very verbal he likes to have them examine me on their own.  

This happened once about maybe 12 years ago.  Nice younger guy very serious.  He asked me about my presenting symptoms and I told him, told him my current routine worked very well for management.  He nodded, asked me about anxiety.  I always have that I tell any medical person.  I'm used to that.  

He asked about sleep and I told him it's not great but I manage.  Doc came in and we talked, then I went home.  I take 4 prescriptions.  Occasionally Phenergan tablets or suppositories.  I had asked for refills on all of it.  

The pharmacy called and said my EIGHT prescriptions were ready and I said what the hell, I only have 6.  What are the other 2?  

Oh, she told me, one is a sleeping medication and one is for anxiety.  HELL NO I reacted, BURN THAT SHIT.  I am NOT taking that at all that stuff is SUPER addictive and I have an 80% risk of addiction with my disability.  She laughed, "Don't worry we'll get rid of it, and notify the doctor"  

I have problems with sleep even on a low caffeine intake.  I have concluded I am just wired that way.  I seem to recall sleeping better when I had a formal workout plan but I walked 7 miles yesterday.  

I wouldn't mind going to the gym with a guy; I think that would be fun.  Work out together.  Keep each other accountable.  But other than that it's not going to happen.  Going on the bus would be horrific.  

Anyway I (as usual) fell asleep OK but woke up about 2 hours later.  I went back to sleep and woke up about an hour after that, couldn't go back to sleep.  Everything I've read says get up if you have trouble sleeping.  So I did that.  

I was bummed when I got home because I had wanted to cook my Creole pasta with the cream sauce and sausage.  I was too tired for that.  

But I had some energy when I got up so I did it then.  Middle of the night, in a Houston summer, is really the time to boil water and run the skillet anyway.  I threw some grilled onions in it too.  I made four bowls.  

I'm going to eat it for lunch today which means I will get sick on a day off if it's a migraine trigger.  And I only had some housework and organizing planned Tuesday anyway.  I don't think it will be an issue but you never know sometimes.  I wouldn't have thought Nacho Doritos would be an issue but they are now.  

That's going to be a NICE lunch.