Ron woke up about the time I unloaded the dryer, hanging everything up.
We talked a little about the cats and then he, very carefully and politely, asked if I would "Please" check the mail and see if he got any books. "I would really appreciate it".
I told him I would go look once I finished with the laundry. I also told him, I was looking because he asked nicely. I want to be very clear with him what gets him what he wants, good behavior = results. Tantrum = losing a night of sleep.
As I got ready to leave he thanked me, and headed for the vodka bottle. By the time I got back (all bills), he was pretty soaked, but accepted it was all bills and left me alone after thanking me again.
He asked me to take him to his room, I did, and left him by the bed. He is still there. He made our trips for tomorrow at the last possible moment, after I reminded him. I did not hear him set an alarm so I will have to wake him up tomorrow.
And I fed the cats, they're all good. But I am exhausted. At least the headache is gone.
3 comments:
You work so many jobs you truly do not take breaks anymore like you used to and with the increased demand you should by all human standards be taking more breaks as the work increases to help you stay strong in your duties. You need relief somehow it is just too bad you could not send his ass out for a day some place other than the adult day care but he has no interests other than his books and vodka it seems right now . I am sorry I wish I could help you but I guess just being here to let you vent to real people is the best we all can do right now. Your headaches I am sure get worse knowing your husband is literally killing himself in the next room . Much love be strong and fill your bucket his life his bucket .
(edited due to spelling error) Heather, I have read your blog for probably a year? My heart goes out to you. Here is my 2 cents, for what it's worth:
The situation is clearly UNsustainable. It is deteriorating steadily. It is doubtful he will improve. It sounds also like he is very manipulative? He is ill. And it sounds like he has cognitive issues as well on top of the alcoholism. Despite everything you've been thru, it's obvious you want the best for him and feel loyal - but have you considered that you taking care of him is actually NOT the best thing for him? He needs help. Have you considered that to continue on as you are is actually harming him? I say this in ALL kindness. You are a hero who has tried to do the right things, and you have in so many instances, from what I've observed from your blog. But it sounds like he might need to be put into a facility. It sounds like you need an intervention! There's no shame in reaching that point - it happens all the time when a family member deteriorates. You've given it your all. He seems to be at that point where it might be best for both of you for him to be in a care facility of some sort.
That would free you up to breathe and function and live. No guilt in that. And again, as kindly as I can say it - could it be perhaps a little "pride" that keeps you thinking you can do it all? I'm not trying to be judgey - it's just that we often find ourselves determined to manage it ALL on our own - and we just can't. We're human. I'm sure it would be tough - with the business, the cats, the condo, and all of that. Change is hard. There are often losses. But I can't see where it will lead to anything good for you to remain in an abusive situation like this. It's not good for him either, to be allowed to remain in a situation where he can continue on as is. Lots of times, I have seen situations - mostly in the elderly - where they refuse to acknowledge the situation and make any changes (not that you aren't acknowledging it - you are) and eventually it goes from bad to worse - someone falls, or has a stroke, or gets arrested and sent to jail, or, or , or - and then the situation does change - it always does, at some point. It always does - it reaches a point of no return and it all changes. Praying for you. I know it is really hard. Someone (a counselor) told me once, when I was advocating daily for my abusive, dying brother: "You can put the backpack down now". I dissolved into tears. I think maybe you are getting to the point where you can "put the backpack down now?" God bless you. And I am praying for you both.
Well, I have good days and bad days.
I admit I have pride issues, I have always been pretty clear on that. Also a history of being slapped down when asking for help, so very reluctant to do that.
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