I woke up and got up for a while

 I am so confused on all the dating stuff, but I'm not going to stress on it.  It'll be nice if I see Buddy tomorrow but it's not likely, it's a very busy route and he just said he was working it "in the morning" which is a pretty big window.  

I have a very nice and sympathetic female driver in the mornings on another route I will ask her what the company policy is on dating.  She knows I am interested in a driver.  When I said that she immediately popped out a name and described a driver I don't know?  Maybe he said something about me?  I don't know.  

I don't care if it gets out I would date a driver, they have background checks, hard workers, regular drug and alcohol screens, good benefits package, lots of paid time off.  I could do a lot worse.  

I worry about Spotty's emotional health and am I giving him enough affection.  He got into bed with me and we had a very nice cuddle for a while so I feel good about that.  I don't see Biscuit or Cleo.  

Some neighbors are doing a few fireworks but nothing major.  

I'm going to go back to bed.  

Wednesday

 Work was OK just long.  

Tomorrow will be longer.  I took the later bus and it worked fine, but the last driver is going on vacation so who knows how that will go.  

I had a little daydream at work of someone who loved me showing up at work to surprise me.  Not Buddy, not necessarily (although I'd be thrilled if he did but he'd better be prepared for coworker/team lead interrogation), but my sweetie.  

I miss having someone to share my life with.  It took me a long time to come to terms that what I had wasn't healthy.  

I only want a relationship if it's healthy.  But I do want a man who will look at me the way Buddy did the other day; not lecherous, but admiring.  Admiring my spirit, Ron would say.  

What is funny I told a coworker I was going to wait for God to bring the right man to me.  That very day Buddy pulled up to my bus stop.  Significant?  I don't know.  

I'm just going to enjoy time spent, I should have him until December.  

I ran into a recipient on the way home, she has housing now, and a job, doing well.  It was good to see her happy.  

Made it to lunch

 I am tired.

I woke up at 2:30 this morning on my own.  

I am watching the tropics I don't want that hurricane coming to town.  

They have me doing a different aisle in grocery today that should be interesting.  

That's it for now.  

What If

I"m sleeping better at night.

 I sent Buddy some stop signals in the past, which he graciously accepted.  

Just in the last month I told him I was turning down 10 minute rides home.  While at the bus stop every day smiling and riding home with him.  I think anyone could figure that out.  

And I gave him my phone number.  What he does is up to him.  

But I'll tell you something, I slept great last night, got up before the alarm.  

What I find interesting he is talking to me about his schedule and the other routes he works when he is off the Crazy Train route.  

I think the most interesting thing I definitely picked up some jealousy when I mentioned Ace.  He was very happy, though, to hear my aunt and uncle were coming to town this weekend and would give me a ride home on Friday night.  

We will see where this goes.  

The good and the bad

 I saw Buddy today.  I was cautious at first I don't want to come off like my stalker if he had seen my note and wasn't interested.  But I don't think he read it.  He acted the same as always and he told me about this fantastic taqueria on my home bus route - the one I've been going to for 15 years!  He said it was his favorite.  

He doesn't live near me, he lives in a pretty terrible area.  I teased him a little about the "trifecta of drugs, gangs, and hookers, perfect for a Bible Handout" and he laughed.  

So that was very nice spending some time with him.  I'm going to take it day by day.  I won't see him until Monday.  

I made a choice to miss a bus connection so I could spend a little time with him.  As it turns out the first bus broke down anyway.  A really whacked out white guy got on my home bus (very unusual).  He was wearing a hospital discharge bracelet and was very, very, agitated.  I had my eye on him the whole time.  Praise God he did not get off at my stop.  

When I got off I told the driver "You're going to want to watch that guy, he's about to snap" and he laughed at me, but I have ridden with a lot of crazy people.  

Work was OK I didn't have any major issues.  I laid down for a while when I got home and feel better although I'm tired.  

Tomorrow, alas, it's different drivers.  

Oh and I made a decision, I think I talked about it.  I will not be taking the 5:30 bus anymore he is always late and I get stuck out in BFE in the dark, completely isolated and alone.  Very creepy.  If I catch the 6 am bus I get way nicer drivers (fun to talk to although I haven't said much about Buddy - I don't want to embarrass him if he's not interested), get to work a little later but still plenty of oops time before I have to clock in.  

I also texted Ace who says he can bring me home July 4th.  

My aunt and uncle are in town I will see them this weekend.  Buddy mentioned he likes Mexican pastry so I may get him 1-2 items at the bakery this weekend.  

That's it for now.  

I am done being a victim

 Someone at work was talking to me about my "haircut" which made me very depressed and angry for a while.  

And I realized I am done with the victim role.  I didn't tell Buddy about it and I don't plan to.  I will if he asks.  

My aunt and uncle are coming to town this weekend so that will be fun to see them.  

My challenging boss is here but things have been OK.  I know what I need to do and I do it 

Only a couple of hours when I get back.  

I reached a conclusion today

 Not about Buddy he will either call or he won't, and I'll see him later anyway.  

My first bus in the morning is driven by a guy with some serious seniority.  He wants the route, he has it.  But he's ALWAYS late which means I have to stand off by myself at a very creepy and isolated bus stop, for half an hour.

When other drivers cover his route they are on time.  

So I ended up catching a later second and third bus.  And they're really wonderful people (one man, one woman) I enjoy talking to.  I got to work with plenty of time to spare.

So I'm going to do that.

As of 4 AM he hasn't contacted me

 I have ZERO regrets.  Zero.  

Later on I will tell you about Biscuit but I don't have time.  Biscuit is fine, was very cuddly last night.  

So we will see; I will know more when I see him today.  Yesterday he was telling me his days off and all, which no other driver has done.  

I don't know if he didn't look at the card or isn't interested but I will know more when I see him.  But I am not sorry I gave him my number.  

I don't believe in unfinished business.  

I gave him my number

 I didn't tell him I just gave him a bag of candy like usual.  Except this had an index card with a note "Text first so I know it's you! (phone number)" signed my first name.  

We will see.  

It was good to see him again and if I'm not mistaken he got a little jealous when I casually mentioned Ace bringing me home after work.  I mentioned Ace is a cab driver, and paid, but I got - something.  

I am terrible at all the male female stuff.  

At any rate he will call; or not.  It may be a while before he even finds the index card although I put a Snickers in there.  

Either way I am OK.  

Last week that guy could have cut my throat instead of my hair.  I don't want to have regrets.  Twice now I let Buddy get away without letting him know I care.  Now at least I know I gave him a sign.  

It is very hard to interact on a bus full of deranged people.  

But regret is a lot worse to me than rejection.  

As promised: 

I finished my cell phone holder

 I will put up a selfie of me wearing it when I get home.  

Overslept!

 I still managed to get it all done, though.  I guess God thought I needed the extra hour and a half of sleep.  

I am wearing a lavender t shirt and jeans. I have my hair up as I'm riding the crazy train.