Wednesday

I had an unpleasant dream about work that woke me up.  Plan had been to sleep late and wake refreshed but that did not happen.   I got up, took my shower, did my God Time.  No Spotty either.  

No wonder I am lonely today.  I haven't seen much of the cats, no special petting time with Spotty, normally talk to my parents every day since Ron died...but they are visiting my (step) grandmother out of state and are maxed out as is.  My aunt has been busy in her town.  I texted a little with a female co worker yesterday but that is about it.  And I am NOT up for riding the bus today.  This is no one's fault.  But I need to figure out a way to interact with others in a healthy, free, way.  

Budget came in.  Good news I have enough for escrow, rides, internet and cell phone...and enough left for groceries.  Still debating getting the "suck it in" briefs which are about an hour's work for me.  I rate purchases by how long I have to work for them.  I think it is fair.  So not whining about money for once.  

I will likely spring for a XL t shirt to wear out to CA as all my 2X shirts are baggy and the 3 X make me look like a little kid playing dress-up.  I want something fitted, not slutty but fitted.  So I will buy one of those single $5 t shirts we sell in the plain color if I can find one (will try it on too).  I can get more in CA at the Walmart if I want.  My birthday is next week so I don't know what I will be given.  

I think the trip is enough, frankly, but my family like to give gifts.  So if I get a Walmart card or something I will likely use that to buy some XL tops so I am not so baggy all the time.  I do plan to wear out my current shirts because they are nice and I like the performance fabric and the colors on the plain cotton ones.  

My birthday and anniversary are very close together, our little joke being I got Ron for my birthday in 1992.  He was so poor he couldn't give me a gift but we made it count anyway.  That's a lot coming up next week, one reason I picked that week to visit.  

It would have been my 30th anniversary with him.  Another reason I elected to spend it around people.  Dad used his Southwest Points to buy the tickets so it didn't cost him cash, wise man.  Mom is going to do the preflight thing?  Where I get a seat?  Make sure I get good seats which will be nice.  I don't want the middle seat.  The last time I flew I was about 30 pounds heavier so it will be easier to fly this time.  Last time I almost needed a seatbelt extender.  

Every anniversary I would think about the fact I had spent more time with Ron in a wheelchair than I had with him out of it.  I didn't mind.  I really didn't mind the physical care, pushing the wheelchair, leading him around when he was "just" blind, stuff like that.  I just minded the drinking and verbal abuse, not feeling physically safe when he was drunk. 

That's why I look forward to meeting him in Heaven, all the ugly will have been purged out of him and just the good parts that kept me sticking around all those years.  That man is delightful.  I always like to tell the story how I found Biscuit getting kicked to death at the bus stop, saved him, brought him home and let him loose on Ron, Biscuit curls up purring and Ron says "Of course we're keeping him".  That's just the reflex.  "Of course".  That was worth loving.  

I am glad I arranged for Jack to come feed them when I'm gone.  He lives nearby so it won't be difficult for him.  Do I offer to pay him?  I don't have a lot of spare cash.  I don't know.  It's only a minute or two a day for 4 days.  

The last couple days I have been trying on various bras at home.  One was not comfortable, two were.  I don't want to take something to CA that makes me look like a cat (8 boobs).  They had a really cute meme of a cat in a bikini let me see if I can find it. 

I found it but too much hassle to upload, etc..Yeah I am having a dumb and can't figure it out.  "Built my own computer" the line in my resume every employer highlighted for the interview.  Ha!  

You can google "meme cat bikini" and see it though.  It will be interesting to see what next week leads... I did ask for the family pie for my birthday.  

It is an adapted black bottom pie recipe with no chocolate.  So it is a cream/pudding layer and then a meringue layer on top, if I recall correctly.  It has been 30 years since I had one but I always liked them.  I can definitely expect that.  I did tell Mom I can't do almonds, chocolate, or crab and gave her a few keto basics of what works and is easy to prepare (chunk of meat with cooked greens as a for instance) so I feel good I will have good meals.  I do plan on some small cheats but also access to walking trails and a gym so I can hopefully burn it off.  My (step) sister (5 years older) and her husband want to see me, my (step) brother who is a couple years older may want to see me as well.  Notable thing about him and his wife they have a white linen couch I was terrified of but feel confident about now.  

And look!  It's SPOTTY!  Be back later.   

I had a big dose of this: 

And some of this: 

No matter how much weight I lose I"m pretty sure I am stuck with the double chin...But I think he is adorable.  

I'm going to miss them next week.  

I am going to sit out in the sun for a while I think that is important.   Did that, got a nap, did some cooking, did the dishes, talked to my aunt, worked out on the exercise bike...a pretty busy day.  

I also made some decaf (I hope!) coffee which I put in the fridge to become iced coffee.  It is pretty good.  Mail hasn't gotten here yet.  

That's it for now.