Wednesday early afternoon

 Depressed and lonely!  Can't lean too hard on family as they are all committed.  I think that is a good way to put it.  

My aunt found a nice floor in budget she is happy with that.  But going to lunch and then picking up grand kids.  And I am sitting in my chair with my head turned around watching Biscuit in the litter box because I thought he was blocked again for a minute.  He was not...I got a real good view though.  😂

One last thought on clothes for a while.  This is said in love for all parties and I am deeply grateful the man made the choice he did.  So I moved to Houston to work for a woman here.  I did not know she chewed up assistants like tic tacs and that's why she had to go all the way to California to find a fresh victim.  I believe she was bipolar, she also had severe dyslexia which meant we used an antiquated computer systems that were a massive pain.  She was a tyrant.  Her favorite thing was to ask if I had plans with Ron and then, at the last minute, demand I work late so I would miss my date with him.  I started bringing my ham radio so I could notify him, she got very upset at that...anyway I was desperate to get out.  I had never worked as a waitress but I applied at a couple of places.  

The Black Eyed Pea called me back.  He later said the "Built my own computer" line in the resume caught his eye as they had recently gone to a computerized order system and some of his servers were having trouble.  I was so desperate to get the job I wore a long flowy skirt and a cheap, tight, low cut top.  I figured I had to degrade myself to get the job and I was truly desperate.  I think I even wore a push up bra.  

I am not good at these things but as I shook his hand I realized he was gay.  He looked down at the cleavage and looked me in the eyes, and said "You're really desperate, aren't you?"  I said yessir I was and I would really appreciate a chance.  

And that's the last time I did that.  God sent the one manager who could not be manipulated.  And I was really bad at that anyway.  [all love to the manager in case you couldn't tell]

So I won't be picking anything like that up unless I remarry which I think is less likely than a year ago.  I am lonely, yes, but I get to live my life my way (in God's parameters).  My store does have a mature/plus sized lady section but I seldom see something and say "That's for me".  

So I can't talk to my aunt (which is OK I am a satellite moon in her universe and OK with that, life revolves around kids and grand kids), Mom and Dad are no doubt in crisis mood with "Grandma".  It is interesting I had 3 and one I felt really adored me.  I am sure it's not so but my paternal grandma I always felt like the favorite.  My mothers mother loathed me when she found out I had married a black man.  She had nothing but hatred for me after that so it didn't matter when she died.  My sister did give me her (unread) Bible.  Allegedly my maternal grandmother was saved (but hated blacks?) so I may see her again.  Funny to think about her with Ron.  If anyone could win her over he could.  

I am so glad he died when he did and we didn't have a worse decline.  It gets really awful with Alzheimer's.  As it was he still knew me and knew he loved me.  I really needed to hear that from the Medical Examiner.  And I wrote the ME (the one who did Ron's exam) a thank you letter too.  I am very glad I did that I venture he doesn't get a lot of that.  But it was obvious from the report he had done a very detailed exam.  And I'm sure he wondered how I would take it or if I would even catch it.  It didn't say "Alzheimer's" it said this and that protein was found that is only found with the disease.  Plus he had scar tissue from the accident of course.

Anyway I am never going to cheer up if I keep writing like this.  

I sat outside for a while which was nice, I am doing dishes (I had a backlog) and soaking in a bleach solution to sanitize.  Then I just need to cook up some ground turkey with italian seasonings and then I am going to put it in some tomato sauce with cheese.  I also need to make some tuna salad, chicken salad.  Then I am good for a while.  Happily I have enough containers.  

That's it for now.