I got up early and went to work early. I had to talk to someone but they were not in (nothing bad). A little frustrating but they are OK with me in the breakroom. I did get some good bus connections, bam, bam, bam I think I got there in an hour and a half (that is good for me). No waits in between. I took the bus home and did have a wait at one bus stop, I talked to a retired veteran. He was angry he had lost his license and had to ride the bus. He was nice enough but my Dad's age.
I have really lost the luster for older men these days. How long until they have issues, if they don't already? And I am not talking about sex. To me that is just a piece of the puzzle not the whole show. From what I read in my menopause group I won't have such an easy time myself...anyway do they already have high blood pressure, diabetes, other conditions that will kill them early?
And the healthy eating good lifestyle types would want a lot from me - workout partner, cooking fresh veggies every night. One guy said he wouldn't eat any food that came out of a microwave as it was "dead". I can understand the viewpoint but that just really increased prep times on all his food. And the dishes!
So still not looking a little over 4 years before I do look. We are about eight and a half months out. If I was pregnant with Ron's baby I would be getting ready to give birth.
So work was pretty average last night I stayed busy. Came home on the bus, that took a while but it was at least still light out. Got home OK, checked the mail. Got some legal papers from the clinic basically a summary of what they did and a notification I am Ron's legal heir. Got another property tax bill this one $200. Some Medicare advantage junk for Ron. They still haven't figured out he's dead. I guess Medicare didn't tell them.
Social security didn't waste any time when the crematory told them he was dead. Bam told the bank who froze his account, no more checks, etc. He died on the 6th so I got to keep the check he got on the first, though. That went to auto pays the first month. Then the bank froze the account.
But the lawyers have been great I have no complaints on them. The primary was a law student and then a supervising lawyer over her (my understanding). I met both of them the other day. The boss was very happy to get the candy.
There are just a lot of moving pieces. I went to bed early last night. My parents were busy and did not want to talk. Certainly their right. Happily I was not "very" depressed yesterday. So I went to bed early and woke up around 1 AM with a horrible headache, one sided so likely working on a migraine. I took some Excedrin and drank part of a cold diet Mountain Dew and went back to bed, was able to sleep, woke up around 6, still had the headache. I got up again and did the Excedrin and Mountain Dew thing. Went back to bed for about 30 minutes. The headache mostly vanished, got up.
I was OK until I had to use the app to complete my health screening today. I have to complete it every day I work just affirming I am not sick. My hands were shaking from the caffeine! I could barely click the answers! Very embarrassing and frustrating. I felt very feeble, let me tell you. But God got me through it. I don't have to use the app again for almost 6 hours so the caffeine should have cleared my system by then. I can tell you I will not be consuming any more caffeine today.
I did decide something yesterday, if I ride the bus home I will buy myself a soda to drink on the way. That is $2 versus a $20 ride home. I can live with that. I will be riding the bus home another couple days this week, Saturday and Sunday. Then Monday I will pay for a ride home because that will have been the 6th day worked in a row. One of the employees tried to correct me, saying the Walmart work week starts on a Saturday and goes to Friday, but 6 days in a row is 6 days in a row. Most of the days are not long days and I do appreciate getting the hours. I don't want to look like I'm complaining, but I will appreciate that ride home on Monday.
I will get a ride home tonight and tomorrow too. Jack has been very reliable. If he can't do it his wife helps. They are great people. And the bus is fairly reliable going home earlier in the day.
I do get a little "eeky" trying to cross that busy street outside the store to get to the bus stop but I do it. I pray before and during I don't mind admitting. I think I will always have issues with traffic. It isn't even just Ron getting run over, although that's most of it. I saw him in the hospital every day after that and it wrecked him, if you will forgive a pun. Then out riding around on paratransit one day we are coming down (busy street) and I see a car stopped off to the side, a woman lying on the ground in front of it (obviously a pedestrian) she had broken her leg (you could tell by looking although it wasn't a compound fracture) and was lying on the ground screaming. Then, a year or two later, the freeway feeder road, another pedestrian hit by a car. I didn't see him this time but he had been knocked out of his shoes and I could see one shoe, then the car, couldn't see in front of the car thank God. So 3 people hit by a car NO WONDER I am hesitant around traffic. They just drive crazy here and we have some mean streets. If I get another man I hope he is a safe driver so I can get off them. In the meantime I will pray a lot and take that extra step to get up to the traffic light on my street so I can cross safely.
I have never once crossed at the light and said "What a waste I could have done that at home". NEVER. My actual house is in a pretty safe area but getting to that work bound bus stop is a challenge.
Thank you all for the very nice compliments! I still have a way to go but I'm getting there. The whole moderation thing seems to work although I am very careful with "white" carbs and sugar. I had a Nutrigrain bar when I took my antidepressant this morning. I am thinking about doing oatmeal and a protein shake in the morning, we will see. I hear really good things about oatmeal and I have an electric kettle which makes it really easy.
I have about 40 pounds to go to my goal of 170. I was happy at that, people said I looked good, I had a little reserve if I got sick but not flabby. I just want to be healthy. Mainly I don't want my family to go through what I did watching Ron decline and then finding him dead and waiting agonized for months on cause of death. Turns out on that the reason it took so long they sent some samples of Ron's brain to an expert for analysis did he really have Alzheimer's. And he did. Nothing I can do to prevent Alzheimer's but healthy living. But I am making better choices now.
Which is why I am liking the idea of a protein shake in the morning. I have found a pretty good powder at Walmart which means I get it on my discount. I would get disposable cups so I can just toss the cup. I suspect it will be better for my hair, too. It is thinner than I would like. It is still pretty full as you could see but I can see scalp. Some of that is likely due to the medication, one of them can cause hair loss. Then we have stress: finding my husband dead just like that. Then hormones changing as I transition.
Last night (it was about 6) I took a full shower except for my hair. I think that is a good policy at the store and using the public bathroom, during the holidays. The plan is to do the full wash when I get home and then just hair/essentials in the morning. So every day I work, every day I can (Friday night is out due to a very short turnaround for work), come home, shower. Then wash my hair in the morning.
I did take a full shower at night one day and went to work the next day, by the time I got to work (this was the summer with me standing around at bus stops for a while and walking in the heat carrying my bag) my hair was less than optimal. And of course the big boss came by and stood near me (looking at me!) and my less than optimal hair... so I said to myself "I am always washing hair in the morning before work". I doubt she remembers but I do.
So I will have to do 2 showers. But most households do 2 showers a day so I don't feel that's a bad thing. Maybe a little more on the water and gas bill but I can do that. I just want to give my immune system a fighting chance every day. I read about taking a shower every day as a way to prevent flu but it makes sense for a lot of illness. I mean a public toilet is a great example. No, I don't use the paper, the germs are going to go right through that. So I sit on the toilet. It has germs that is a given. They get on my butt and upper thighs. I go through my work day with this, get home. If I use my toilet before I wash up I will get those germs on MY seat. Which I like to think is pretty clean. So I get in the shower first, then then use mine. I have gotten weird little infections already so I know that is work. And the custodians are very diligent I have seen that. I suppose I could bring disinfecting wipes in a baggie and I may get to that point eventually; but for now I think this will work.
So last night I'm fresh and clean sitting in front of my computer. And I'm wondering "Where is the grooming tool I ordered?" So I look on Amazon and it says delivered. I got pretty angry because it was not on the porch when I got home. Thoughts "Lousy neighborhood...delivered to the neighbor who was too lazy to give it to me..." etc. Then I thought just open the door and look, and of course there it was. I felt pretty foolish! I got it out and used it on her (a lot of treats were involved). She doesn't mind it much but is just skittish about me working on that area in general, but the mats did look better when I finished. Not gone, but better. So maybe worth the $20. That would be a cab ride to the groomer most likely. One way. So a good investment. I don't want her uncomfortable.
I'm going to take my shower now (what there is of it to do). That is done. I used my volumizing 2 in 1 shampoo/conditioner. I also had a nice bar of Dr Woods lavender soap. It was not too strong which is a good thing on headache days.
I like to get up early on Thursday so I have plenty of time. I still have 2 hours before I have to leave for work.
[later] Dressed checked my bag, have all my stuff including cash to pay for ride home, stun gun, bus pass, extra "protection" because my cycle is over a week late... could be months late like that one time or show up tonight, got to be prepared either way.
I just have something on hand every day until I get it, go through it, and then take a couple weeks off before I start "carrying" again. It is the best I can do. I got some advice from the menopause group on that.
Because I think the expectation is it's been over 30 years I should know my body. Well, it doesn't want to cut loose so far. Probably Thanksgiving when I am at my aunt's house and how will that translate to waste in the trash can?! I think I will bring a plastic bag and a brown paper bag just in case. I can stick them in the back pocket of my jeans.
It is a nice sunny day, a little cool but that means I can bring chocolate to the bus drivers. They will like that. I will be OK once I get going I am just a little depressed now.
Thank God I seem to be OK on the headache.
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