Saturday and Sunday

 Well I slept pretty well, just not long enough.  Got up and had a mental debate about washing my hair.  I recalled one day I thought my hair was "fine".  Went to work, boss came by in very close quarters for a while.  She kept looking at me funny.  When I went to the bathroom I got a good look at my hair.  It didn't look good; I had been standing out in the heat at various bus stops on the way to work and it looked it.  SO even though it isn't hot out, I washed my hair.  

The cats are good, I saw Torbie up.  I haven't seen her eating but she at least looked at the food bowl.  I need to get dressed.   

[Next day]  Work went OK.  I was so tired I took a cab home.  I didn't want to fall asleep on my bus and end up downtown.  I already made arrangements to ride home with him today.  

I slept OK until the very end when I had a dream about Ron dying.  Not how I wanted to wake up.  I just couldn't bear the thought of that being the last thing in my head before I got up.  

I am OK now but it was a blow.  "They" are right when they told me things would catch me by surprise.  Ron can't be touched by the devil anymore, NO MORE PAIN.  I have to be happy for him even though his death completely turned my life upside down.  But God has provided I just need to hang in there and hang onto HIM...my goal is to make God my bulwark and go running to Him first thing every time.  To depend on Him for love (and the family he has sent my way) and even my online friends.  Once I transfer my thinking from "I need a husband" to "God is my husband" then I think He may send me someone if that is His will.  But I will be honest I am not looking because the last thing I need is another toxic relationship or worse yet, falling for someone and then losing him too.  

And everyone dies.  My aunt and uncle will die.  My parents will die (probably first as they are older and in worse health).  That is God's plan.  Is it wise for me to invest all my heart into 4 people over the age of 70?  No.  But I have done that and I have to trust He will not take anyone yet.  

I may also look into codependent recovery programs online because I could certainly use that.  I also met a man from a church he came into the store handing out brochures.  I respect that.  He seemed like a very nice man and asked some good questions about my salvation.  I didn't have time to get into the whole thing but I have an email.  I need to check out their theology and then if that works see if I can get a ride.  It would be great to have a good church home I have missed that.  They are not too far from the house.  Maybe a 16 minute car ride.  

But I have to put my personal relationship with God over everything even a church or my family.  Happily my family are pushing me toward God and not trying to pull me away.  But I have a tendency to idols, putting people in God's place and then giving them what should be God's.  That I think is one reason He did take Ron, because I very much did that with Ron.  I even watch it now that he is dead, it would be easy to want to talk to Ron instead of God but I don't think that's what either of them would want.  So now and then I just tell God to tell Ron I said hi.  The Bible says we are surrounded by a "great cloud of witnesses" so Ron already knows what is going on with my life.  

My aunt got the letters from the court.  Ron's bank (I will reveal name once I have taken the money and run) has a very difficult process to get the money.  My aunt and I are so done with them we are just going to get a check and then set up an estate account at my bank.  

Please, put a trusted loved one on your bank account so they can just drain if after you're gone.  Don't make them go through this process.  I picked my aunt for that.  She is also on my savings.  Now this is just me but I also did a power of attorney so she can handle affairs on my behalf, so, as she said, legally she is now both Ron and Heather.  😂  I have known her my whole life and know she would not abuse it.  I also gave her healthcare medical power of attorney because I trust her to act on my behalf if something happens to me.  She will pull the plug if it is hopeless.  

Another thing I would suggest is an insurance policy to pay off the mortgage when you die.  Because you are going to die we all will.  It is so nice knowing the house is paid off because Ron got the policy and made the payments every month (auto pay).  And a regular policy.  Some people are into big funerals if you want one get a policy for that too.  You can even get a plan to pay off your credit cards if you use them a lot.  My company is always asking if I want the policy.  My balance is "like" $50 I only use it for incidentals at work but it's a good idea.  

In my case I couldn't even afford a cremation Dad picked up on that.  But enough about that; I just hope you can look at my life and take away something useful like the mortgage insurance, which, for us, was only $30 a month.  Think about it.  $30 a month for 17 years, and they paid off $33,000 I think I got the better end of the deal!  

One other smart thing I take $250 off the top of every paycheck and put it into savings for insurance, property taxes, and repairs.  Dad is just ecstatic about that.  He worries of course.  

I still haven't concluded if I want to apply for disability yet.   I have time.  

I saw Torbie this morning, she came out when I was feeding.  She didn't eat but she said Hello and let me know she was still around, then went back in her cat condo.  

Biscuit is up next to me he wants a treat.  I don't give him many because they could block him.  Not getting one today.  

That's it for now I will post again after work.