Work was OK. I got Dad one of the last clearance thermal tops in his size for $4. I was happy I remembered that before I shipped their box.
Beau sought me out several times, last time right before I left. I was not in my usual work area but he still found me which I found sweet. When I look at that I have to think he likes me a little at least, but there are obstacles.
1. Ron really did a number on me. He basically told me for years the only value I had was a bed partner and caregiver, that I had nothing of value that would attract anyone. I realize now he was very insecure. Before he met me he would get involved with married women or women in relationships, they would cheat with him,then they would turn around and cheat on him. He worried about this with me to the extent he told a man some very personal medical information of mine in an attempt to quash his interest. He was right about his friend Ed, though. Ron hadn't even been cremated yet before Ed was calling me every day and lecturing me how I had to "get over Ron so the next man won't feel like you're comparing" and Ed was a BIG gossip. So nothing I ever would have told him would have been private. Anyway Ron did a very good job of tearing me down and making me feel like I have no value, one reason I do find it hard to believe Beau might be interested.
2. This is actually the most important. Salvation. I need to know if Beau is saved before I say or do anything. But it may be a lose lose. If I find out he is not saved then I cannot have a love relationship with him. If I find out he is saved we move onto topic 3.
3. There are things that will affect any future relationships. I would say odds are about 95% against him staying after he finds out. I am folding the mental illness into this. Who wants a crazy woman dependent on medication when they can find a nice normal lady without?
All that said I really do like him, find him attractive. Think about him a lot which has me taking it to God because I worry I am not putting God first right now. I need to be doing this.
Tomorrow I will not be taking money to work, just my water bottle, and see how it goes cutting out the diet soda. I want to eliminate caffeine, aspartame,and soda from my diet.
That's it for now.
7 comments:
It probably cost you more to mail that shirt. Doesnt sound like it is worth it to do that. I think your dad can afford to buy his own shirts. Him and his wife go on plenty of expensive vacations.
Some men see it as a challenge to get a woman to fall for them etc. Since you told the other gossips at work all your business I am sure they told Beau all the info too. If Beau really is the player these women told you he was then it makes sense that he is talking to you more and seeking you out more. Men like this love a challenge.
You've seen pictures of me... I'm not "all that". Not bad looking but not a hottie not at my weight LOL
Not much business of mine to tell; I was married for 30 years, he was disabled, I found him dead and was fired 2 days later. People I know better hear he was a drunk but that's about it. One woman I told I was open to the idea of dating "eventually" but I wanted to wait some years and sort out my head first.
Lots of meat in the blog but I took the link off my Facebook. And I don't tell people in my life I have it.
I just read that "other" gossips. So I am a gossip? LOL
I got Dad 2 Texas shirts and a "Ya'll need Jesus" shirt, some reusable tote bags as they are always forgetting theirs. Mom I got some cute socks. It will come about even what the stuff cost vs. cost to mail.
Having worked at a Postal facility for 20 years I only use Priority mail.
I have discovered giving gifts is one of my love languages. Quality time first, giving gifts and touch about neck and neck. Then acts of service and words if you cared (sticking tongue out emoji). So it is as much for me as for them.
Dad will be 82 this year, I don't have much time with him left. Half of all people over age 80 develop dementia as well. I am very sensitive to that coming off my time with Ron. Dad is fine now but for how long? And I would regret not sending him the things I saw.
If only my daughter gave me sweet gifts...
My daughter bought me some Rose body spray just out of the blue. She NEVER gets me gifts, not even for my birthday. It was a BIG deal that she thought of me.
Post a Comment