The conclusion

I know it's a difficult day when I'm Googling "emotional abuse"; when I'm saying "Please stop cursing me" repeatedly, in a public place, and I'm faced with the prospect of walking home 3 miles because SOMEONE doesn't want me riding with them and I didn't bring my bus pass.

Overall, I'm pleased with MY behavior. I think I was appropriate; I just kept saying "Please stop. Please stop cursing me" in a FIRM voice. When I'm tempted to blame the head injury, I sadly recall things were like this before the accident.

The only thing I would change is 1. Always carry at least $10 cash for emergencies like today and 2. Always, always carry the bus pass. Probably a good thing I didn't have the pepper spray! [giggle]

Looking for the positive, I can say it was "only" verbal, but that's like saying you were only stabbed. I'd rather get mugged again than deal with this morning. [shudder]

I am gradually coming to the conclusion that I'm going to have to move out. To protect myself (emotionally). I can take care of myself, and him, at the same time. Speaking in general terms, the final problem is this:
He wants me to take care of him emotionally and physically, but does not want to make any accomodations to my disabilities. He wants me "On call" 24/7; always ready to bolster him, but is not willing to reciprocate. He doesn't want to "deal" with my illness or occasional brain fogs due to FAS and medication.

When I asked him "This is what you call your wife?" the answer followed "You're not my wife, you're the woman I'm stuck with. I wouldn't have picked you!" Other, hateful comments followed until I walked away.

It was not fun asking him for bus fare and being denied; telling him I'd walk, and then he changes his mind when I'm half a mile down the road. Then it was "Ride home with me, if you can control yourself." No thanks. See, that's an emotional abuser trick. They make it YOUR fault. If I had been better able to control myself; intuiting instinctively that he had failed to set an alarm for himself, then he wouldn't have had to tear into me, verbally, in public.

I wasn't embarrassed, so much for myself, as for the people who had to hear it. I find that beyond crude. Other people shouldn't have to hear your dramas.

I rode the bus, two of them. I delighted the bus drivers with the driver candy, and got smiles and appreciation for a change. I needed that. The "bum" hitting me up for cash was nothing in comparison to what I'd already handled.

I'm done being hurt; I've been done with being hurt for a while now. I'm more annoyed, than anything else. Whatever it takes to move out will be worth it. A day without his verbal abuse and love bombing will be a real treat.