I'm glad I modified my Blogger name when the LCF thing went poof. I still don't get how they could keep slapping me, because I consoled the mother of a Bipolar child with my tale of "I was a basket case, and I'm fine now." How could it ever be inappropriate? Anyway, I'm glad I fixed it so people could find me. Here, I can blog about my life without worrying.
I had my Day Out, for a few hours at least. I broke my routine, though. I always do shower, prayer and Bible study time, eat, pills. Yesterday, Ron wanted to talk during my prayer time. I ended up doing my Bible Study and prayer time later than usual, and eating while I did it. Then I took my shower, and completely forgot my pills.
I once got a nasty and judgemental attitude over a friend. He had epilepsy. One day he had an argument with his girlfriend, and took his medication late. I said some very unkind things, to Ron, about irresponsibility. I was upset, I was depressed. I had a lot going on, so I'm not going to get out that stick and beat myself.
I got dressed, left the house, went to my favorite gas station. Oh, boy! A NEW GUY! I handed out plenty of Driver Candy and some Bibles, so I felt it was a "good" day for evangelism. I love how God can use me, even when my life is messy.
I went to an office supply store. I had planned to photocopy the "Where to look in the Bible" portion of my Gideon Bible, but realized it had PAGE NUMBERS. I briefly considered hand-copying the references but decided I would stick with "Where to Look in the New Testament" - it's coming along well. When I'm done, I'll post it. Feel free to use it and copy it. I plan to put this sheet into every Bible I hand out, I love the Invitation Bibles but they don't have a reference area.
This way they can look at the paper, "What does God say about Marriage?" and go read Ephesians 5, 1 Corinthians 13, etc. I just adjusted my keyboard, it was making very annoying sounds as I typed. So, I feel good about this.
I realized I was having a HORRIBLE mood; and it began to dawn on me that I didn't remember taking any pills yet. I was on the phone with Ron, and told him. "Do you have pills with you?" You betcha! I went to my Starbucks and got my drink. About 1/3 into the delicious steamed heavy whipping cream delight, I took my Lithium and Wellbutrin. I felt better.
I drank it and read an article in the paper, how psychiatrists are using "Magic Mushroom" extract (Psylocibin) to treat difficult depressions. Interesting. It talked about them having a profound spiritual experience. I really, really, wanted Ron to try it. I called him and told him; but he wasn't interested.
I think my biggest problem right now is that Ron does not have an "Unsay" button. If you are on Facebook (I am, under my real name, for family mainly), you know they have a "like" button. You can click "Like" on someone's statement. The Houston Chronicle (I am Heather B there) has a thumbs up button, or a thumbs down. Anyway, the point is there's a button for liking or not. On Facebook, if you accidentally click "Like" on your sister's post "My cat just got hit by a car" you can quickly UNLIKE it - taking away the response.
Ron seems to think that it is OK to say whatever he feels, in the most hurtful terms possible. He does not see or acknowledge it as emotional abuse. He seems to think that an apology "Unsays" everything. It doesn't. All that hate lingers and it takes a while to purge it out - even for a devout Bible-thumper like myself!
Oh, how I wish he had an "Unsay".
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