Still trying to figure out God's will

Well, I'm still trying to figure out God's will for me. I know this: I don't want to take one step outside of what He's got planned for me. He has carried me through a lot worse than a difficult marriage! [shudder] I know demons exist, and they're allowed to mess with God's children, 'cause I had them in my head for YEARS. After that [shrug] Ron's an annoyance.

I believe part of it may be as simple as showing my joy in Jesus, in spite of difficult circumstances. I made it clear to Ron that I am Biblically permitted to leave him; the Bible's clear on that. When he assured me he "Isn't out to hurt (me)" I told him I don't believe that anymore. It really freaked him out. I was scrubbing the floor at the time, a very soothing thing to do when I'm upset, I've discovered. [grin] Hasn't looked this good in a WHILE.

Anyway, I got it in my head tonight to do up a big sack of Bibles. I have the Invitation New Testament, it's about 1/4 inch thick, by 3x5 inches. I have a tote bag with straps that go over my shoulder. I put tracts in the Bibles, highlighted Revelation 21:4, put in a scripture booklet and a handful of hard candy, and stuck it all in a quart ziplock. I have at least a couple dozen in there. I have the feeling I'll be handing them out soon.

Tomorrow would be appropriate. I know of an empty corner - the bums don't seem to like it but it's safe and very busy! Actually, it's a median strip at a stoplight - plenty wide enough to stand on and move freely.

I've had a nasty headache all day; I have been eating painkillers like M&M's. All within the label and all, I'm not eager to fry my liver or kidneys. I took 1/4 Wellbutrin because I needed it, and that ramped it up. UGH. Well, as I told my parents, and you about a dozen times already, I'd rather have a headache than be depressed.

So, assuming no headache, and feeling led by God, I'll do it. Otherwise just stay home and rest, I guess. I feel God does a good job of leading me in what He wants me to do.

Oh, and I don't count how many I hand out - because I worry about the swollen ego. If I get all self-inflated and egotistical (I know I have handed out at least a thousand Bibles), then I'll be useless. A general (more than one, less than a million) tally is good enough for me. God's keeping track of every single one and I'll get the credit when it matters. :)

I could hand out ten million tracts and a thousand Bibles, but if God's not in the work then it's useless. One Bible, one tract, handed to the right person at God's leading, could have an amazing impact for years to come. I'm content to be used by God.