Not an *easy* day

It was not an easy day. You'll recall I got up at 2 AM. I was more than a little annoyed that my migraine kept me from falling asleep, and even MORE annoyed that the neighbor kids decided to scream loudly as they bounced on their trampoline, RIGHT outside my bedroom, between 8 and 8:20 PM.

Apparently, I am a heartless monster, because as I shared this today everyone went "Awwww, how cute." I just wanted to mute the little noisemakers. I have often thought, if we decide to move, I'd strongly encourage Ron to move into a senior complex.

I was annoyed. I mean, their parents know we get up very early some days. We are always careful to tell the driver "Don't honk and wake up the neighbors" when they pull up at 3:30 or whatever. [grumble] Maybe we should CHANGE the policy; if they realize how early we're getting up, they might actually let us sleep!

I started the day, completely sleep deprived. I had a nasty headache, too. I took my shower and started my Bible study and prayer time.

Ron came out of his room around 3:20, very upset that I "Hadn't woken him up". What? Oh, I PROMISED I would get him up if he couldn't get himself up. I told him, I'd have gotten you up when I finished, but you're interrupting me here. Just once, I would like to pray for half an hour without an interruption! Can I get one hour a day? Please? This is an ongoing problem; he consistently interrupts my prayer time. He knows what I'm doing, and he finds it offensive that I "Want to worship that SOB". He says this. I also reminded him he has AT LEAST 3-4 alarm clocks, and I only have one. I told him it would be a major inconvenience for me to drop everything just to get him up, because he didn't set his alarm.

I needed to apply deodorant while he was in the bathroom. I went in, and he asks me "So what's wrong with you today, huh? Headache or what? You're really sickly, I bet you slept lousy, too."

I said, "You don't want to hear how I am doing. So far this morning you have attacked me for not waking you up, and now you're name-calling under the pretext of asking about my welfare. Either way, I have to go to work, so why ask? You'll just use it as an excuse to blow up." I left.

He used that as an excuse to get angry and stomp around, slamming doors. I just didn't have the patience to lie to him or play his games.

I didn't even get a chance to finish my Bible study - I felt awful about that. The one being in the house that cares about me!

I don't really know how to respond when the driver goes "Oh, you hacked/chopped off all your hair." They always use a very brutal verb. I have had short hair now for 2 years. You think they would be used to it by now. She said she hadn't seen us in a while. I should just be grateful I didn't get the weight loss interrogation.

Anyway, I just said "Yes, I like it a lot better this way" when I got the hair statement. I don't think many women understand how much of a hassle it is to have the flowing long hair they all seem to desire (if the weave shops I pass on my Days Out are any indication). It's a big hassle for me, looks thin, and makes me look old. Ron doesn't care either way and caring for long hair when I'm depressed is a bitch! Personally, I think the cutest drivers are the ones with the braids. Very cute and easy-care.

They aren't the ones walking around with a heavy backpack in the sun, either! So, having read all that you will understand that I am embarking on a concerted effort to be POSITIVE at work. I have not been very positive. Frankly, it's hard to feel that way when Ron's barking at me to fetch every 3 minutes and cursing me out on a regular basis.

However, if they come into my area and I'm always angry, they won't come by! I wouldn't! I'd say forget that and go to the gas station on my way into work. I think I did a pretty good job.

In here, well, I gotta vent. It was a pretty challenging work day. First, absolutely nothing to do for 3 hours, waiting on the delivery. I ended up mopping the stockroom. Ron comes in and yells at me to stop "sitting around", and the other vendor says "She's mopping the floor, and it looks great". We got the delivery, everything I asked for, and I put it in the stockroom.

Ron uses 14 spaces in a food machine to sell canned juices. I had about 500 empty COILS that needed filling with the new snack merchandise. I loaded all the snack stuff on my wagon and got to it. I filled a couple hundred coils per machine - all the good snack items. It is awful when we are out of something like cheetos.

When we had a complaint, it was about the snack machine, so I work very hard to keep it stocked. Ron starts yelling that he needs juice - to put in the refrigerator, so he can stock it the next time we come in. I told him "We have 45 minutes until the pickup, and I need to fill several hundred coils. I don't want to stop that to unload the pallet and get your juice." He got really mad. Tried to do the martyr guilt trip "I'll have to unload it myself!" I said, OK, they're on the bottom. You know what the look like. I kept filling the machine.

I realized I needed Brownie Bites cookies, so I went in to get them. A lot of dramatic sighing and all. I got them and left.

Later on, some meddling temporary employee comes by and yells at me "He's BLIND YOU NEED TO HELP HIM!' I said "He's been working, like that, for years now." That shut her up. Thank you God for putting Your words in my mouth, because if I had felt the way I do now I would have completely gone off on her - all I do, 24/7 is "help" him. I never get a minute off. Our whole relationship revolves around making HIM happy, pleasing HIM, and satisfying HIS needs. Maybe you need to SHUT UP AND MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.

UGH. I feel like the more I give, the more everyone takes. I feel very suffocated and unvalued.

I got the machines stocked. I had also stocked all the soda machines earlier and cleaned the stockroom. Ron managed to deal with his "emergency" on his own. I would absolutely do it again.

Finally, I left. I took out my notebook and finished up my morning prayers, I like to pray for different groups of people like missionaries, criminals, people on the internet, etc. As I finished, our driver came.

Ron came out complaining "I hope it's not a straight trip. I don't want to wait forever at Burger King". It wasn't, but we did. Wait forever at Burger King, that is. They were about an hour late picking us up. Ron didn't grumble too much - he was completely tuned out listening to his music.

No wonder I feel like I'm starving to death in my marriage. Where is the positive, affirming, attention? Where is the caring and affection? Oh, I get that from the cat.

Not surprising I said what I did, this morning. So, we finally got there. I thought it was funny, they thought I was going to donate. They don't get a poke at me until May 7. I signed the thing for Ron and then left. I went to a store and looked around.

Then I drank a soda and read celebrity magazines while he tuned out some more. Our ride came right on time and we left. We got a straight ride home, a nice treat.

Ron started drinking, while I checked the mail. I took a nap for about an hour and got up to blog.

A good verse for today "We are hard-pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed." 2 Corinthians 4:8-9

If I didn't have Jesus you'd be reading about me in the paper.