It's been rather frustrating for a "relaxing day off". I lost some money - cash I had allocated out of my pay to cover "next week". It looks like $30 is going to have to stretch me until then. I have looked EVERYWHERE, can't find it. I have to assume God will allow me to find it when He's ready.

Then, Ron got a rather ominous call from a State Agency. They have questions for him... [cue ominous music]. Since I'm the only employee, and we're married, it's irrelevant. Like I told Ron, we aren't doing anything wrong, so we don't have anything to worry about.

Still, though, knowing someone has you in their crosshairs can make me a little twitchy! If you haven't figured out by now, it doesn't take much to make me twitchy. Agh.

But then I think about the excitement as I handed out Bibles at a restaurant and coffee shop. I handed out more on the paratransit - two to drivers and one to a fellow passenger. God. Is. Using. Me. He is absolutely, completely, using me. I'm right where he needs me.

Sometimes my life seems so pointless - why am I here? Then I consider things like the horrible tract I got yesterday - it just started with "You're a sinner" and went on to name-calling, plus I don't like the whole concept of the "fake money" tracts - I think it is a setup. I consider those tracts and the people who hand them out.

I look at what I'm handing out - a ziplock bag with candy, tracts about God's love and mercy, and a New Testament. He needs me doing this. He absolutely needs me.

I was wondering why I'm living this life, where I lose the cash money I have budgeted for "Myself" after I make my "God money" deposit - the irony. The fact that I'm still trying to figure out a "system". My house is messy and disorganized. Days like today, I needed a nap, and then I had nightmares during the nap.

I was sitting in my chair considering this and I felt God speak to me: "Heather, you're bringing a lot of people into My Kingdom." How wonderful.

So, I turn my problems over to God, trying to serve Him the best I can. I have completely given up searching, telling God "I know you'll send it to me when You're ready." I guess He wants to develop my faith.

I will add this, the house looks a lot better than it did this morning! I just hope I find the money and have a nice quiet day tomorrow.

I need more chocolates for driver candy!