Anxiety is a part of my illness

Things have gotten pretty quiet with Ron; not great, not bad. He offered to take me crosstown tomorrow and I'll "let" him. We have several things going on, that are pressuring me.

First, our neighbor's new yard guy is tearing up our siding. Compounding the problem is the fact that the neighbor is one of those obsessive lawn-waterers - and their sprinklers strike the side of our house about 4 feet off the ground. Our siding is not in great shape, and the daily dousings and violent weed-whackings are not helping. Ron says he will deal with the problem. I tend to be a little confrontational. I worry about when we'll need to replace the siding, how much it will cost, and how long the new siding will last in the situation.

We have an elderly wood fence on the other side, and very energetic, destructive, children living next door. I don't know if I mentioned the time I actually found one of their little boys literally tearing boards off the fence. A new fence will cost about $800 or so.

Let's also look at the tile situation in the bathroom - they are starting to literally drop off the walls. At least one wall has the wrong kind of drywall, and it is not doing well. We will need to have all that replaced at some point - agh! How much will that cost?

Then I've got the letter we got in the mail. Someone wants more information about us. This could be nothing, or get ugly. Confusion on their part; when corrected will things be OK, or get ugly? Obviously worried about the getting ugly part.

I tell myself things will be OK. I trust God completely, but I'm having a hard time shaking these things loose! It's very frustrating for me. I feel like I turn them over to God constantly, and then they are popping up like mushrooms in my brain!

I'm also dealing with random work worries and such. I tell myself, God is in charge.

I tell myself, worst case scenario, we can get an all bills paid apartment for $600 0r so a month. It's just what it says, all bills paid. We would only need to worry about paying the one bill - no taxes, no utilities, and only renters insurance. Sometimes, that sounds really good. [shrug] At least the siding would be someone else's concern.

Then I tell myself, God has given us this house. We are supposed to live here, and rest in Him. He will take care of us.

I do understand anxiety is a part of my illness, and it runs with both the mania and the depression. I'm still running moderately depressed right now, and everything seems overwhelming when I'm depressed.

I am scared to death of dependence on anti-anxiety drugs. Is there an anti-anxiety thing that is cheap, not harmful, and not addictive? Maybe I'll ask Doc.